I almost qualified for the national curling team

But I slid out of contention.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in a frying pan?

Take away its tiny brooms 🧹

πŸ‘︎ 327
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tthrivi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
How are you supposed to keep Canadian bacon from curling?

You just need to take away their little brooms!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CJStepz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
How did T-Rex feel after bicep curl day?

Dino-sore!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
The curling iron...

was surely the hot item to have in the 80's.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stressmove
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
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You vs the curl he tells you not to worry about
πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lady-Squishy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
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I once won silver for curling and bronze for the Bob

...yet hairdresser of year still eludes me.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I wrote a book about armadillo shells the other day

It’s a hard back

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
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My son was making breakfast for the first time and he distraughtly asked me, "How do you stop the sausages from curling in the pan?!" I smiled and advised…

"Well son, just take away their little brooms."

πŸ‘︎ 263
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
🚨︎ report
My daughter is the only person left in my entire family tree who has a head of curls.

She's the last hair bender.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
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I heard they're going to make a huge revamp to the rules of Curling.

Expect some sweeping changes.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
There should be a movie about a Jamaican curling team that competes in the Olympics.

Call it Curl Runnings

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1esserknown
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2018
🚨︎ report
Get you one that'll have you curling your toes
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hellABunk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2017
🚨︎ report
Apparently members of the South Korean Olympic Women’s Curling team have given each other breakfast themed nicknames.

Talk about hashtags!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rossum81
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2018
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Written on the side of a hearse in front of a hair salon...

Will Curl Up And Dye For You

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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I heard all the hair stylists are suffering from depression due to unemployment.

They just want to like, dye.

(OC)

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lazy-Potential
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
🚨︎ report
On the phone with my SO, literally made my fingers curl.

Me: So are you watching House again?

Him: Nope, I'm watching Mansion.

Me: I've literally never heard of that show. What's it about?

Him: It's kind of like House, just a lot bigger.

πŸ‘︎ 97
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ashlaboo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2015
🚨︎ report
Why did the tomato have curls?

Because it was acidic

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brostevious
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2017
🚨︎ report
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?

Curl up and dye

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thelifesponge
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the most gory sport you can play?

I'm not sure, but the awnser must be blood-curling.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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daughter says "My curls are coming back"

"If you talked to your hair they could be your curl friends." i got a real face palm. was awesome!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doogy650
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2015
🚨︎ report
So my cat can curl his tail...

So my wife and I have two cats. One of the cats was sitting in such a way that his tail was hanging down and it was curled into a spiral. My wife said how perfect of a spiral it was. I told her to stop giving the cat attention: he is just being a spiral cat ham.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pouzou
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2015
🚨︎ report
Curling humor

My dad is an avid curler and plays all the time. Someone from the club calls and asks him to spare for him and he answers: 'I'm not a mechanic, I cant fix your spare." I slapped my face a little too hard.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/christine63
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2013
🚨︎ report
After an intense session at the gym, I asked my personal trainer what was the best way to show off my new muscles.

He told me to hang upside down from a tree branch and curl my arms behind my back.

I said β€œweird flex but OK”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/procrastiprov
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
🚨︎ report
The people at my hair salon make me wanna..

Curl up and dye.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AppsPotato
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2017
🚨︎ report
Walking dads

http://m.imgur.com/LknxMEf

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mslvr40
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2014
🚨︎ report
How do hairstylist workout?

By curling irons

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FamishedHam
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2018
🚨︎ report
A couple of fast ones

Handkerchief - Cold storage

Beauty parlour - A place for women to curl up and dye

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZombiesAtHome
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Jokes for driving by the beauty school

Each time we drive by the beauty school I attempt a dad joke. Here are some of my favorites.

I wonder how often they use highlighters in their coursework.

Do you think they have extension courses?

Students are dying to get out of there.

Does every teacher allow makeup work?

You know, they're doing the opposite of filing for unemployment.

I wonder how often they change the locks in there?

Do you think cutting class is a requirement?

Does each student have a permanent record?

Do my puns make you want to curl up and dye?

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kentuckeyken
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2017
🚨︎ report
waves of laughter ensued

Sooooo... my oldest daughter curled her sister's hair this weekend... on the way home I started waving at her until she looked at me and asked me what I was doing... I told her that her hair was all wavy so I was waving back. She had the usual split second involuntary smile at the the corners of her mouth before she gave me a you-son-of-a-@#$%!-look ( http://imgur.com/D0UHimq )... because my kids refuse to acknowledge how funny I am... I laughed... and laughed...and I'm still laughing about it today...

πŸ‘︎ 206
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πŸ‘€︎ u/samoerai
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2014
🚨︎ report
The running jokes..

For a little background my dad enjoys the more vulgar jokes. Anyway, he often jokes about his "company." In fact every time he answers the phone he answers as if it's a call towards his company.

(He answers the phone) "Hello this is the Viiiiibrator Repair Service." Caller - "the what?" Dad - "This is Dick Phitzwell's Vibrator Repair Service, as of right now only the installation department is available."

It's not a joke really cause there's no funny punchline. The caller normally laughs and then carries on with the call.

Another one he likes, "What does an 80 year old woman taste like?

Depends.."

The other day we are at the beach. We're walking back to our vehicle and he's carrying his metal detector in his hands. Random beachgoer - "Did you find anything?" Dad - "No, unfortunately my battery went dead... just like my ex-wife's 'curling iron' under her pillow."

There's many many more. I'll have to catalog them in some form. Let me know if you'd like to hear the life and times of Dick Phitzwell.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rentz3
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2014
🚨︎ report
Dad joked my cat

Me and my boyfriend were sitting in bed watching a James Bond movie when my cat crawled under the blanket and curled beside me. I said to him "she's under cover". He pulled up the blanket and started blowing on her - I asked him what he was doing, and he said "blowing her cover".

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rikeus
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2014
🚨︎ report
The pun-master strikes again!

My roommate asked us if she should curl her hair or straighten it Guy Roommate 1: "We like you so much better with curly hair" Guy Roommate 2: "Yeah, you're such a bitch when you straighten your hair" Me: "Seriously, your hair goes straight to your head!"

... (awkward silence followed by berating me with anti-pun comments, jealous)

Edit: grammar stuffs

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2014
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Dadjoked my brother's roommate

While visiting my brother at college, he roommate came and started talking with us. He proceeded to pick up one of his dumbbells and start doing some curls. He then tells me, 'I like to fuck around with this thing from time to time." My response, 'Well I hope you clean it after each session." My brother could barely hold back his laughter while the roommate starred at me then shook his head.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LucysLubeJob
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad talking about computer games

Me: I don't really like curling

Dad: You've gotta get the hang of it. It involves a lot of strategy. It's like chess.

Me: I don't really like chess either.

Dad: Well that's cause there's no mouse or toggle switch involved.

Me: Dad what's a toggle switch?

Dad: Not a toggle switch... Uh... What are those things called...

Me: Joysticks?

Dad: Yeah joysticks.

Me: Dad people don't use joysticks anymore.

Dad: So that's why people are so miserable all the time.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YaM8
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2013
🚨︎ report
Winter Olympics

At a bar and curling is on and I make the remark "isn't it just cleaning?" Then my dad says

"do you think they have the position called sweeper"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/physicalpixels
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2014
🚨︎ report
How do you stop Canadian bacon curling in the pan?

You take away their brooms

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/montero65
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you get Canadian bacon from curling in the frying pan???

How do you get Canadian bacon from curling in the frying pan???

You take away its little brooms!!!

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ciceronic
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling when you fry it?

Take away their brooms.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you keep Canadian bacon from curling in the pan?

Take away it's tiny brooms.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TexinFla
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the frying pan?

You take away its tiny little broom!

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/derawin07
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?

You take away their little brooms

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JRBX
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you get bacon to stop curling in the frying pan?

Take away their brooms.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/izzyjubejube
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you keep bacon from curling in a pan?

You take their little brooms away.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dannyboy6657
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the pan

You take away its tiny brooms

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Soupinabagel
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you stop bacon from curling in the pan?

You take away his little broom

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jmahler0514
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?

Take away it's tiny broom.

πŸ‘︎ 263
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NTX_cat_rescue
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2014
🚨︎ report
How do you keep Canadian Bacon from curling?

Take away its tiny brooms.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2018
🚨︎ report

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