Pro tip: to stop Canadian bacon from curling in a frying pan...

...take away its tiny little brooms.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 41
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/zu-den-sternen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 04 2021
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My wife wants a divorce after we went curling.

She saw the other woman that I swept with.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LaserGecko
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 01 2021
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I almost qualified for the national curling team

But I slid out of contention.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 02 2021
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What's the most talked about sport in the Olympics?

Discus

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/flippantteacup
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 28 2021
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How did T-Rex feel after bicep curl day?

Dino-sore!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 06 2020
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My son was making breakfast for the first time and he distraughtly asked me, "How do you stop the sausages from curling in the pan?!" I smiled and advised…

"Well son, just take away their little brooms."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 267
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 11 2019
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You vs the curl he tells you not to worry about
πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Lady-Squishy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 09 2020
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The curling iron...

was surely the hot item to have in the 80's.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Stressmove
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 01 2020
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I once won silver for curling and bronze for the Bob

...yet hairdresser of year still eludes me.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 23 2020
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There’s a hair salon down the street that does a perm and color while you take a nap.

It’s called β€œCurl Up & Dye”.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Satchmoi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 19 2021
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My daughter is the only person left in my entire family tree who has a head of curls.

She's the last hair bender.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/explosivelydehiscent
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 08 2019
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I heard they're going to make a huge revamp to the rules of Curling.

Expect some sweeping changes.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/WhiteNerdyDelitesome
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 03 2019
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There should be a movie about a Jamaican curling team that competes in the Olympics.

Call it Curl Runnings

πŸ‘οΈŽ 24
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/1esserknown
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 11 2018
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I wrote a book about armadillo shells the other day

It’s a hard back

πŸ‘οΈŽ 31
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/No-Neighborhood-8556
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 01 2021
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Get you one that'll have you curling your toes
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hellABunk
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 02 2017
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Apparently members of the South Korean Olympic Women’s Curling team have given each other breakfast themed nicknames.

Talk about hashtags!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rossum81
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 22 2018
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On the phone with my SO, literally made my fingers curl.

Me: So are you watching House again?

Him: Nope, I'm watching Mansion.

Me: I've literally never heard of that show. What's it about?

Him: It's kind of like House, just a lot bigger.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 98
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ashlaboo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 04 2015
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Why did the tomato have curls?

Because it was acidic

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/brostevious
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 19 2017
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I heard all the hair stylists are suffering from depression due to unemployment.

They just want to like, dye.

(OC)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Lazy-Potential
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 21 2020
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daughter says "My curls are coming back"

"If you talked to your hair they could be your curl friends." i got a real face palm. was awesome!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/doogy650
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 03 2015
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So my cat can curl his tail...

So my wife and I have two cats. One of the cats was sitting in such a way that his tail was hanging down and it was curled into a spiral. My wife said how perfect of a spiral it was. I told her to stop giving the cat attention: he is just being a spiral cat ham.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pouzou
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 22 2015
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Curling humor

My dad is an avid curler and plays all the time. Someone from the club calls and asks him to spare for him and he answers: 'I'm not a mechanic, I cant fix your spare." I slapped my face a little too hard.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/christine63
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 15 2013
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Written on the side of a hearse in front of a hair salon...

Will Curl Up And Dye For You

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/shdchko
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 01 2020
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What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?

Curl up and dye

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thelifesponge
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 23 2020
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What's the most gory sport you can play?

I'm not sure, but the awnser must be blood-curling.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Agreeable_Objective
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 25 2020
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After an intense session at the gym, I asked my personal trainer what was the best way to show off my new muscles.

He told me to hang upside down from a tree branch and curl my arms behind my back.

I said β€œweird flex but OK”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/procrastiprov
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 10 2018
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Walking dads

http://m.imgur.com/LknxMEf

πŸ‘οΈŽ 56
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mslvr40
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 12 2014
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The people at my hair salon make me wanna..

Curl up and dye.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AppsPotato
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 20 2017
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waves of laughter ensued

Sooooo... my oldest daughter curled her sister's hair this weekend... on the way home I started waving at her until she looked at me and asked me what I was doing... I told her that her hair was all wavy so I was waving back. She had the usual split second involuntary smile at the the corners of her mouth before she gave me a you-son-of-a-@#$%!-look ( http://imgur.com/D0UHimq )... because my kids refuse to acknowledge how funny I am... I laughed... and laughed...and I'm still laughing about it today...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 209
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/samoerai
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 17 2014
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Jokes for driving by the beauty school

Each time we drive by the beauty school I attempt a dad joke. Here are some of my favorites.

I wonder how often they use highlighters in their coursework.

Do you think they have extension courses?

Students are dying to get out of there.

Does every teacher allow makeup work?

You know, they're doing the opposite of filing for unemployment.

I wonder how often they change the locks in there?

Do you think cutting class is a requirement?

Does each student have a permanent record?

Do my puns make you want to curl up and dye?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Kentuckeyken
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 05 2017
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How do hairstylist workout?

By curling irons

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FamishedHam
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 03 2018
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A couple of fast ones

Handkerchief - Cold storage

Beauty parlour - A place for women to curl up and dye

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ZombiesAtHome
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 08 2018
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The running jokes..

For a little background my dad enjoys the more vulgar jokes. Anyway, he often jokes about his "company." In fact every time he answers the phone he answers as if it's a call towards his company.

(He answers the phone) "Hello this is the Viiiiibrator Repair Service." Caller - "the what?" Dad - "This is Dick Phitzwell's Vibrator Repair Service, as of right now only the installation department is available."

It's not a joke really cause there's no funny punchline. The caller normally laughs and then carries on with the call.

Another one he likes, "What does an 80 year old woman taste like?

Depends.."

The other day we are at the beach. We're walking back to our vehicle and he's carrying his metal detector in his hands. Random beachgoer - "Did you find anything?" Dad - "No, unfortunately my battery went dead... just like my ex-wife's 'curling iron' under her pillow."

There's many many more. I'll have to catalog them in some form. Let me know if you'd like to hear the life and times of Dick Phitzwell.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rentz3
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 21 2014
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Dad joked my cat

Me and my boyfriend were sitting in bed watching a James Bond movie when my cat crawled under the blanket and curled beside me. I said to him "she's under cover". He pulled up the blanket and started blowing on her - I asked him what he was doing, and he said "blowing her cover".

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/rikeus
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 22 2014
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How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in a frying pan?

Take away its tiny brooms 🧹

πŸ‘οΈŽ 325
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tthrivi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 01 2020
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How do you stop Canadian bacon curling in the pan?

You take away their brooms

πŸ‘οΈŽ 55
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/montero65
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 27 2020
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How are you supposed to keep Canadian bacon from curling?

You just need to take away their little brooms!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CJStepz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 29 2020
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How do you get Canadian bacon from curling in the frying pan???

How do you get Canadian bacon from curling in the frying pan???

You take away its little brooms!!!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Ciceronic
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 08 2020
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How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the frying pan?

You take away its tiny little broom!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/derawin07
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 08 2018
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How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling when you fry it?

Take away their brooms.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/anonymous_DoDoBeDoDo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 04 2020
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How do you keep Canadian bacon from curling in the pan?

Take away it's tiny brooms.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TexinFla
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 06 2020
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How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?

You take away their little brooms

πŸ‘οΈŽ 40
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JRBX
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 19 2019
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How do you get bacon to stop curling in the frying pan?

Take away their brooms.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/izzyjubejube
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 01 2019
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How do you keep bacon from curling in a pan?

You take their little brooms away.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dannyboy6657
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 17 2019
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How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the pan

You take away its tiny brooms

πŸ‘οΈŽ 38
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Soupinabagel
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 18 2018
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How do you stop bacon from curling in the pan?

You take away his little broom

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jmahler0514
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 03 2019
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How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?

Take away it's tiny broom.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 263
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NTX_cat_rescue
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 02 2014
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How do you keep Canadian Bacon from curling?

Take away its tiny brooms.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/slowshot
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 02 2018
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