To avoid cross contamination
Mooses.
A: Beef
...does he become trespacito?
Tappan Zee Deutsche?
Tick-Tock-Toe
Legal tender
No doubt she's a Cat-holic.
J- walking
Jaywalking.
They're natural Collaboradors!
(Sorry)
Hot cross puns.
I have written this book to sweep away all misunderstandings about the crafty art of punnery and to convince you that the pun is well worth celebrating.... After all, the pun is mightier than the sword, and these days you are much more likely to run into a pun than into a sword. [A pun is a witticism involving the playful use of a word in different senses, or of words which differ in meaning but sound alike.]
Scoffing at puns seems to be a conditioned reflex, and through the centuries a steady barrage of libel and slander has been aimed at the practice of punning. Nearly three hundred years ago John Dennis sneered, “A pun is the lowest form of wit,” a charge that has been butted and rebutted by a mighty line of pundits and punheads.
Henry Erskine, for example, has protested that if a pun is the lowest form of wit, “It is, therefore, the foundation of all wit.” Oscar Levant has added a tag line: “A pun is the lowest form of humor—when you don’t think of it first.” John Crosbie and Bob Davies have responded to Dennis with hot, cross puns: “...If someone complains that punning is the lowest form of humor you can tell them that poetry is verse.”
Samuel Johnson, the eighteenth century self-appointed custodian of the English language, once thundered, “To trifle with the vocabulary which is the vehicle of social intercourse is to tamper with the currency of human intelligence. He who would violate the sanctities of his mother tongue would invade the recesses of the national till without remorse... ”
Joseph Addison pronounced that the seeds of punning are in the minds of all men, and tho’ they may be subdued by reason, reflection, and good sense, they will be very apt to shoot up in the greatest genius, that which is not broken and cultivated by the rules of art.
Far from being invertebrate, the inveterate punster is a brave entertainer. He or she loves to create a three-ring circus of words: words clowning, words teetering on tightropes, words swinging from tent tops, words thrusting their head into the mouths of lions. Punnery can be highly entertaining, but it is always a risky business. The humor can fall on its face, it can lose its balance and plunge into the sawdust, or it can be decapitated by the snapping shut of jaws. While circus performers often receive laughter or applause for their efforts, punsters often draw an obligatory groan for theirs. But the fact that most people groan at, rather than laugh at, puns doesn’t mean that the punnery isn’t fu
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Because it got stuck in a crack.
I found out she was seeing someone on the side
To get to the other pride
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type O"
Because it's a feline.
My family doesn't appreciate my humor.
A dictator.
Collie-flour!
To get to the other sigh
He wanted to go on another sidewalk.
they drilled a Pilate hole.
It left its tracks
Elephino
No tres passing.”
I told them that I would shift as best I could...
Squash
A little shit about 3 ft. tall
To prove to the squirrel it can be done
Bullshit.
The chicken hadn't evolved yet.
To get hit by a car. I bet you didn’t see that one coming!
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there really is a doG!
I don't know either but it sure can pick corn!!
He chickened out.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the Otter side.
To get to the other slide
My life is a joke.
A hare dryer
My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it everytime. My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him "If you pick up this habit, your future wife will love you very much."
My son replied "I don't want my future wife to love me very much. I want my future wife to help me fold my laundry."
I busted out laughing. But the end result is that now I have to fold my own laundry going forward.
You bless his heart
A mess
I don’t know, but the road was fuming!
Because dogs were chasing it.
He said "Oh that's just a cross dresser..."
Someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason.
Because the chickens weren't around
That was the punchline
Elif-ino
My life is a joke.
It got stuck in a crack!
