My dad has a crippling deli meat addiction

he has to quit cold turkey 🀣

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anxieuxd
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
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I knew someone with a crippling addiction awhile ago.

The amount of legs they had was astounding.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Backthrasher
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
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I went to see a psychiatrist to get over my crippling fear of palindromes.

The bastard put me on Xanax!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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[At the therapist] Me: Doc, I have a crippling fear of big, empty spaces.

Therapist: A void?

Me: That’s good advice. Thanks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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Gavin always said his crippling heartburn would be the death of him. I still can't believe

Gaviscon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sincers21
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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What do you call a white bear that has crippling depression, is sexually confused and can't pick a hemisphere?

A Bipolar Bi-Polar Bi Polar Bear

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ErinMcCloud
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
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Patient goes to the doctor to talk about his crippling fear of heights.

Doctor: looking over the patients information Looks like you've gone from 5'10 to 5-

Patient: Starts screaming

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
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I have a crippling phobia of lifts

I take multiple steps to avoid them

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mcsabas
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
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What do you call a row of crippled boxers?

A bad punchline.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePugKing2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
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What was the crippled Frenchman's reason for being handicapped

"Eiffel"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealMrMixtape
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
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What do you call someone with no body and no nose?

Nobody knows.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Krayola-
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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My crippled friend really hates birds

He can’t stand to see them

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
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Have you heard of the new movie about a crippled horse?

They're shooting it now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gone4011s
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2015
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I have a question about crippled activists

What do they stand for?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ButtStuffBilly
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2017
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I should make a comic strip about a child with a crippled imaginary friend

I would call it Calvin and Hobbles

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SenorSaltino
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2015
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Congratulations to my friend on his first child! Now, to the joke about the crippled guy who talks alot of shit.....

Well he didn't know what was wrong with him, but this dude obviously had a diss-ability.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2017
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What’s the worst part of working for the department of unemployment?

When you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zero_ben
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
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My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch it might be me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
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Where did the bird go when he felt sick?

To the ducktor!

But why did he feel sick?

Because he had a crippling quack addiction.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/okaynoodle
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
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My wife said "I'm not feeling well." I walked over, gently grabbed her by the arms and said...

"I don't know what you're talking about- you feel just fine to me."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StretchSmiley
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2017
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What do you call a guy with one toe and one knee?

Tony!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/falconman478
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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What are the 2 most prominent gangs in Florida?

The Bloodclots and the Cripples

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dday47
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2020
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Therapist: What brings you here?

Me: I have a crippling fear of back stories.

Therapist: How did this all begin?

Me: Aaarghhhh..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
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How do you classify the anti-vaccination movement?

Crippling Issue

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
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I have a disabled daughter who is a feminist

It is a crippling issue, right ?

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
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Quasimodo's brother

Turns out Quasimodo had a brother, Semimodo, who was also a Church bell-ringer and crippled. Instead of being a hunchback, though, Semimodo had no arms. He had to do his job by running along the rafter and striking the Church bell with his head.

One day he fell, a hundred feet to the ground. The head priest was asked to identify the body, and could only say "I don't recall his name, but his face rings a bell."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCheshireCody
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2018
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I turned an English paper into one giant pun.

A Call to Arms A Plead to the Limbless

The Armless are a stump among society and could easily achieve more. It’s bothersome that somebody with great potential could allow themselves to lose grip of what they aspire for. The radius of support and development that surrounds these people is astounding. Yet they bite the hand that feeds and throw away opportunities. With each passing day they are crippled by the errors in their ways. Not only are they not properly handling the situation, they are doing a disservice to society. Most will say to refrain from pointing fingers, but it is pertinent that we show them their faults.
All aside we should most certainly not try to elbow my way into their lives. However, if they were to branch off into their own progressive groups it would be most beneficial. And severance is a good thing between them and the public. This doesn't mean a complete amputation of them from society. Perhaps selective assistance will help these people find a well fitted sleeve within their communities. This process is difficult and lending a helping hand can make the difference. On the other hand, we have those who don’t try to succeed. Their negligence is worthy of more than a mere slap on the wrist. When somebody refuses to apply themselves, they are holding back progress. By giving themselves mental limitation they are creating a prosthetic disability they must abide by. The majority of working to achieve goals is believing you can reach out and grab them. But, somebody who gives up is cutting themselves short of success Seeing somebody give up is the furthest thing from being humerus. Urging these people is a necessity, otherwise they will never try their hardest, encourage them to use some elbow grease and put forth full effort. Any small contribution is better than being a detriment, community service, obtaining greater education, enlisting in the armed forces, these all benefit society. Drastic changes of this scale are sure to cause discontent, grab a tissue if need be, but never give up. For all those that are currently wasting away without contribution, it's time to limb’er up and take charge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chewy_64
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2015
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What kind of debt does a paraplegic have?

Crippling.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ehpic_Gaming
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2016
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The "Philogelos" is a collection of ancient Roman dad jokes

"Philogelos" or "The Laughter Lover" is a collection of 265 ancient Roman jokes, written in the 4th century AD. Some of them feel... very appropriate for this sub:

  • A boy caught sight of a deep well on his country-estate, and asked if the water was any good. The farmhands assured him that it was good, and that his own parents used to drink from that well. The boy expressed his amazement: "How long were their necks, if they could drink from something so deep!"

  • When a boy was told by someone, "Your beard is now coming in," he went to the rear-entrance and waited for it.

  • A boy checked in on the parents of a dead classmate. The father was wailing: "O son, you have left me a cripple!" The mother was crying: "O son, you have taken the light from my eyes!" Later, the boy suggested to his friends: "Well, if he were guilty of all that, he probably deserved to die!"

  • A boy came to check in on a friend who was seriously ill. When the man's wife said that he had 'departed', the intellectual replied: "When he arrives back, will you tell him that I stopped by?"

  • A boy had been at a wedding-reception. As he was leaving, he said: "What a wonderful ceremony! I pray that your next marriages are as enjoyable as this one."

  • A man met his friend in the street, who said: "Congratulations! I hear that you've got a new baby boy!" The man replied: "Indeed, but I'm still trying to find the father!"

  • A man saw a eunuch talking with a woman and asked him if she was his wife. When he replied that eunuchs can't have wives, the man asked: "So is she your daughter?"

  • A man was being heckled by a friend: "I had your wife, without paying a dime!" The man replied: "It's my duty as a husband to couple with such a monstrosity. What made you do it?'

  • An incompetent schoolteacher was asked who the mother of Priam was. Not knowing the answer, he said: "Well, I suppose it's polite to call her Ma'am."

  • A man, just back from a trip abroad, went to an incompetent fortune-teller. He asked about his family, and the fortune-teller replied: "Everyone is fine, especially your father." When the man objected that his father had been dead for ten years, the reply came: "Ah, then you must have no clue who your real father is!"

  • A misogynist paid his last respects at the tomb of his dead wife. When someone asked him, "Who has gone to rest?," he replied: "Me, at last!"

You can find more here and [here](http://publishing.y

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AttalusPius
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2016
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