I tried shipping a Bon Jovi album to my cousin for Christmas but it hasnβt been delivered
The tracking report keeps saying βoh, itβs halfway thereβ
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︎ Dec 15 2021
I heard theyβre going to make a show about Boba Fettβs rich cousinβ¦
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︎ Jan 27 2022
My cousin recently lost an eye in an accident, but seems unconcerned by it.
I guess he just can't see the depth of the situation.
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︎ Feb 04 2022
My goth cousin has been to the hospital every day this week.
Doctors canβt explain the frequent blackouts.
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︎ Jan 16 2022
Just found out my stuttering Cousin died in prison
Damn, he couldnβt even finish his sentence
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︎ Dec 05 2021
My cousin Bob got kicked out of a bar. He stormed back in, so he was kicked out again.
He's my cousin twice removed.
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︎ Dec 03 2021
(From my 12-year-old cousin) What do you call it when a really stupid person holds a vote?
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︎ Dec 26 2021
I met Bruce Lee's vegetarian brother
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︎ Feb 01 2022
My cousin drowned last week. I went to his funeral in a life jacket
It's what he would have wanted
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︎ Nov 07 2021
Shit joke at my cousin's bday thingy
I was the oldest dude there. I'm 34. I dunno why that matters, but yeah.
Group of girls and guys standing around in his backyard, talking about crap.
One of his mates discovers a #4 shaver bit in the grass and picks it up, confused. He says, with the whole group noticing, "Why the hell is this shaver thing on your lawn?"
My cousin kinda shrugs, and the group doesn't really know how to react.
I chime in.
I said, "Hey... He's putting that toward his shavings..."
The group laughs. I'm cool again.
Sounds like bullshit but it just happened. Maybe I'm cool.
Cheers.
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︎ Oct 29 2021
Coming From 8yo Cousin Over Thanksgiving Dinner;
What does an evil chicken lay?
Deviled Eggs
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︎ Nov 28 2021
my cousin said ""i travelled from Tehran to Baghdad with no money or vehicle"
so i asked: "how did you do it?"
he replied with: "iran the whole way"
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︎ Nov 24 2021
What's the worlds largest ant?
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︎ Dec 27 2021
I went to see some cousins, one of whom just got engaged and the other just announced they're expecting. The first thing my dad said to them when he walked in:
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︎ Nov 26 2021
My cousin has a crippling, irrational, fear of being beaten up by Mexicans.
β¦.so his doctor gave him medication for Hispanic attacks.
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︎ Jun 16 2021
have you heard of Post Malone's cousin? He has fresh cuts, his stage name is...
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︎ Oct 04 2021
My cousinβs husband ran a comic shop in West Virginia called Highlander Comics. But he was never able to franchise it.
Apparently there could be only one.
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︎ Oct 08 2021
Einstein came up with a theory of gravitation, a theory about the structure of spacetime, and married his cousin.
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︎ Sep 10 2021
Where do cousins come from?
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︎ Aug 14 2021
What do you call your Jack-o-Lantern cousin?
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︎ Oct 20 2021
My cousin was addicted to the βHokey-Pokeyβ.
He had a rough time but he eventually got it turned around.
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︎ Sep 08 2021
Bruce Lee was fast.
His brother Sudden Lee was faster.
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︎ Dec 06 2021
Took my kids camping this weekend with their cousins. I ate way too much junk food.
My farts were intense (in-tents)
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︎ Oct 10 2021
I tried to contact my cousin in prison...
but he has no cell service.
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︎ Aug 25 2021
My cousin is obsessed with Belle Delphine (long)
Iβm worried about my cousin. Heβs 28 with a good job. Has a lot in common with me (nerdy habits: board games, gaming conventions, anime etc). Unfortunately I have recently learned that he is one of those poor souls obsessed with Belle Delphine. Apparently it started out innocently enough. My cousin is into cosplay. Heβs into girls. Ooh, thereβs cosplay girls on the internet? What began as a YouTube channel subscription and a few dozen likes on Instagram has progressed into something much more serious. This man is spending money. My cousinβs social media accounts have recently featured pictures of him with his Belle Delphine merch. T-shirts, body pillows, thereβs even some kind of bed spread/comforter with her googly-eyed tongue-outy face on it. Did you know that Belle Delphine briefly partnered with Tomβs shoes for a limited edition series of footwear? I knew that, because my cousin wonβt shut up about how he bought them all. Heβs got at least three jars of dirty bath water and a gaming keyboard with her face on it. Itβs really sad. I think the isolation of the pandemic really exacerbated his behavior. He says that he and Belle are destined to be together. For my part, Iβm telling him that this isnβt healthy behavior, and Iβm encouraging him to seek counseling. Iβm convinced he has a mental health issue like Obsessive Love Disorder or Erotomania. Afterall, he does have all of the Simp Toms.
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︎ Jun 01 2021
My cousin posted two jokes on this sub, but the mods deleted both of them.
He is my cousin, twice [removed]
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︎ Jun 18 2020
Why is it nice to have cousins?
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︎ Jul 04 2021
I found a recipe from Morocco for homemade dinner rolls.
It called for fresh thyme but mine was outdated. I used it anyway.
You know, as I reminisce, I really like that old thyme Moroccan roll
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︎ Dec 03 2021
My cousin told my father she hadn't gone to the bathroom in a whole month.
He looked at her and replied, "You're full of shit."
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︎ Aug 08 2021
My friend's cousin is taking advantage of him and ask for his money all the time. He never gives anything back. I have been in the same situation before.
How can I tell him that he's not a loan?
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︎ Aug 14 2021
I didn't think my mom would marry the guy goes by strange pronouns
But then it became a parent to me.
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︎ Jan 21 2022
My cousins brought their kids to my place to play. One of them asked, "What's upstairs, can we go play there?"
Long story short, the stairs didn't respond.
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︎ Jul 05 2021
My cousin just hit a deer and was pissed posting in Facebook.
I asked him if the deer had insurance.
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︎ Jul 09 2021
My cousin gave me a range stove he had and I didnβt even have to pay any money for it. Then I invited my neighbors over for dinner.
I told them I was cooking free range chicken.
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︎ Jun 13 2021
I went to my cousin and said βskattadly bop biddop.β He didnβt like it so I replied βskiddly bip skattup.β
Thereβs more than one way to Scat a Kin.
Note: couldnβt crosspost from r/dadjokes. Just reposted my own post...
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︎ Mar 20 2021
An escalator cannot break
it can only become stairs.
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︎ Nov 25 2021
My 8 year old nephew attended his first wedding. But his cousin had a question for his after the ceremony.
"Hey, how many women can a guy marry?"
"16!"
"How did you figure that out."
"Simple. I just listen to the minister and added them up: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer. That's 16!
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︎ Mar 29 2021
who was shakespeares reptilian cousin?
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︎ May 29 2021
Playing βtagβ in the Addams Family must be very confusing if your cousinβs there...
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︎ Jan 17 2021
One of my cousins is thinking of becoming a Dominican monk. I think he was drawn to their decision making process.
Those Dominicans have quite the republic.
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︎ May 18 2021
I wanted to go to a cannibal beach resort
Unfortunately it cost an arm and a leg
(Credit to my 9 year old cousin for this)
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︎ Jan 23 2022
Did you know Danny DeVito has a cousin from the old west?
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︎ Jan 12 2021
You know Bruce Lee was fast, but he had an even faster brotherβ¦
π︎ 9k
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︎ Aug 20 2021
You know, Bruce Lee may have been fast
But his brother, Sudden Lee, was even faster!
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︎ Dec 17 2021
You know Bruce Lee was fast, but he had an even faster brother...
π︎ 2k
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︎ Sep 06 2021
A cousin of mine posted a couple of jokes on this sub, but the mods deleted them.
Heβs my cousin, twice [removed]
π︎ 10
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︎ Apr 29 2021
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