I ate a contradiction the other day...

...it constipated the shit out of me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatandsalt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2018
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Bought a terrific book about contradictions.

I wouldn't recommend it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
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Apparently I contradict myself,

but I never bring it up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/adc2502
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
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My wife says I’m always contradicting her...

I say, No I don’t!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TxRam
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2018
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What do you call a yak that always contradicting itself

An oxymoron

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fuzz-daddy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2018
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What do you call two surgeons that contradict one another?

A paradox

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clifwith1f
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2018
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Two cab drivers met.

"Hey," asked one, "what's the idea of painting one side of your cab red and the other side blue?"

"Well," the other responded, "when I get into an accident, you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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My pregnant wife keeps yelling, β€œNever say Never” in her sleep.

I think she’s having contradictions.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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What do you call it when a junkie uses a new drug to get clean?

A contradiction.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TacoNumeroJuan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2018
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A real life dad joke was calling to me

I was in my philosophy class yesterday and my professor was explaining about contradictions. He said,

"For example, something that's red can't be colorless. I can't think of any red thing that can be colorless."

The whole time he was saying this the 45 year old inside me was screaming, "a newspaper".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aaveragejoe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2015
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