Why did the drum player commit suicide after being charged with homicide?

He couldn't handle the repercussions.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoldenYLP
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2018
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I was put on trial for sending a bunch of crows to a psych ward.

I was charged with committing a murder

Edit: but I had no choice. They were a bunch of psycrows

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πŸ‘€︎ u/echoshep
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2023
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Judge: "So, Mr Robot. Your neighbour accused you of stealing their electricity to power yourself. How do you pleade?"

Robot, the defendant: "Guilty as charged"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RickySan65
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2022
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150 Elephant Jokes

This is a compilation from the internet, and a few I made or heard myself. Hope you laugh!

^((Elephant Jokes were a thing from the 1960s. You can read about them on Wikipedia.))

^((Each section should be read all at once, in order. Some sections also reference previous sections. ))

Mouse

Q: Why did the elephant run from the mouse?

A: Because it had a bazooka.

Q: Why did the mouse chase the elephant?

A: To steal the bazooka.

Toenails

Q: Why did the elephant paint its toenails red?

A: So it could hide in a cherry tree.

Q: Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?

A: Works, doesn't it?

Q: How can you tell if an elephant is hiding in a cherry tree?

A: Tickle the cherries and see if they laugh.

Q: What's the loudest sound in the jungle?

A: A giraffe eating cherries.

Q: How can you tell if there have been elephants in your fridge?

A: There are footprints in the custard.

Q: Why do elephants paint their toenails yellow?

A: That's not paint, it's custard.

Q: Why do elephants paint their toenails red, blue, green, orange, yellow, and brown?

A: So they can hide in a bag of M&Ms.

Q: How did the mouse break his back?

A: He tried to carry a bag of M&Ms home from the store.

Oak Trees

Q: How do you get an elephant on top of an oak tree?

A: Stand him on an acorn and wait fifty years.

Q: What if you don't want to wait fifty years?

A: Parachute him from an airplane.

Q: Why isn't it safe to climb oak trees between 1 and 2 in the afternoon?

A: Because that is when the elephants practice their parachute jumping.

Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the oak tree?

A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the oak tree?

A: It was glued to the first one.

Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the oak tree?

A: It thought it was a game.

Q: And why did the oak tree fall down?

A: It thought it was an elephant.

Q: Why is it dangerous to walk in the forest between 3 and 4 in the afternoon?

A: That's when the elephants fall out of the oak trees.

Q: What is a furry alligator?

A: A bear that crossed the woods at 3:30 in the afternoon.

Under the Bed

Q: How can you tell if there’s an elephant under your bed?

A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.

Q: How can you tell if there's an elephant in your bed?

A: He has a big 'E' on hi

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2023
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My friend was drifting his car...

...and was pulled over by the police. He thought he'd get a ticket but instead they arrested him and charged him with a felony.

Apparently he'd committed vehicular homey slide.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Indisia
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2022
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What I don't understand about batteries...

...is that they don't commit crimes, and yet they still get charged.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
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Was eating at the dinner table. Mom dropped this one.

Me: What happens if cojoined twins commit a crime, who do they charge?

Mom: They'll charge one with the actual crime, and the other with accessory.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2014
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