But they started screaming and complaining, so I had to take them down.
(He hands me an ornament of a small teddy bear in overalls) Me: where should I put this one? Him: how about right there? Me: yeah, that would be good Him: yeah that spot just looked a little bare Me: (looks at the little bear in my hand)(laughs uncontrollably for several minutes while daughter stares at us)
I was putting up my Christmas tree lights while my wife and my 10 year old read over a list of obscure phobias.
"Hey Dad what's the fear if Santa called?"
Claustrophobia
She says: "That's where I put the tree bow!" I say: "You mean the Tim Treebow?"
http://imgur.com/tj5HDA9
Aretha Franklins
Hood ornaments
I had to get my tinsels taken out.
Blue balls
Oh tannen-bomb oh tannen-bomb...
With coral reefs
It’s a wreath of Franklin
You get tinsel-itis.
It's cheaper than tinsel and baubles.
Even though they never pay rent
It's about the food.
He'll deck the halls with bowels of Holly.
Are you supposed to be working when you're high?
My husband and I finally finished decorating the Christmas tree tonight. There’s always a star and we forgot to grab the box from the basement. I said to my husband, “What about the star?” Without skipping a beat, he says, “It’s 2020. Zero stars.”
Me: I really like the nativity scene.
Mum: yeah? It's nice
Me: I have a crèche on it
Im on a ladder putting away boxes and as my dad hands me a box, I ask them if it's heavy.
He replies,
No there lights.
His response: Carol, stop! I dont need the nativity in my life
So my Pops asks if I could help him get the Christmas "stuff" down from the loft with him. We have a loft above the garage where we store seasonal decorations.
He'll go up in the loft and I'll stand on the middle of the ladder, where he hands me the plastic containers, which I'll place on the floor.
As soon as he gets up there I see that the most accessible and logical box to take down first is the one with the wrapping paper. I reach for it and he shoos me away coming up with an excuse to leave it up there for the time being.
Right then and there I knew exactly what he was doing and I couldn't stop it.
We get the absurd amount of containers down until there's only the one left. He hands it too me and says, "Whelp.. that about wraps it up. Haha."
It's not even that good and I knew it was coming for the whole half-hour, but never the less I rolled my eyes and gave him his moment of glory. He deserves it.
I made a Christmas Crackern!
http://imgur.com/a/vrfzs
Just as I was right in the middle of taking down the Christmas decorations...
It's only January and they already have their Christmas decorations up.
That's not what I wanted to hear as I was taking down the Christmas decorations...
Background: house in the suburbs. Cleaning before putting up Christmas decorations. Mom had a wicker box out for something.
Dad: And that just leaves the wicker pannier. We need a second one of these so the burro doesn't tip over... you know, they've got those in New York now.
Mom, only half listening: Panniers and donkeys?
Dad: Burros. Five of 'em.
Today at work, my co-worker and I are decorating the group home we are working in for Christmas. As she finishes decorating the tree, she asks;
Her: The tree looks nice. I don't want to put the rest of the ornaments on it though, cause it'll look clutter. What should we do?
Me: Well... we can always deck the halls?
Followed by lots of laughing while she face palmed and walked out the room.
Every year my girlfriend's family and my family try to celebrate Christmas on different days, so my Christmas-crazy-starts-decorating-for-Christmas-before-I've-taken-my-Halloween-costume-off girlfriend has been bugging me about what day my family is celebrating for a few weeks. The other day we had a conversation that went like this:
SO: "So when's Christmas?"
Me: "[SO], Christmas is the same day every year, December 25th"
Apparently I'm not funny, but today I was on the phone with my awesome mom and my girlfriend was bugging me to ask her what day we were celebrating, so I ask.
Me: "[SO] wants to know what day Christmas is"
Mom: "Well, you should tell [SO] that Christmas is the same day as every other year, December 25th!"
I repeated it to her and she sobbed silently while my mother and I laughed our asses off for the next ten minutes.
On the way to the store ...
Son: Look, they have Christmas decorations up already.
Husband: Oh, for Christ's sake.
Son: Yes, they are.
Putting up Christmas decorations, when...
Mum: Where do these go?
Dad: On the roof, dear.
Mum: But we don't have a roof deer...
"There's still 364 days until Christmas and people already have their decorations out!"
I got my kids with this one. While driving through the neighborhood looking at Christmas decorations, we passed an unusual light display.
Kid: Why is there a banana sitting in a chair?
Me: What, do you expect the banana to stand up all night?
(Note: I have no idea why there was a decoration that looked like a banana sitting in a chair)
My aunt was looking around our house at the christmas decorations and says to her husband "Oh, we have to decorate, Ron" He looked up at her baffled "Why do we have to decorate me?"
Aretha Franklins.
Tinselitis!
Tinselitis
