Anyone interested in buying my Delorean? Great condition, low mileage...

Only driven from time to time.

πŸ‘︎ 421
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/justshtmypnts
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
🚨︎ report
I tried to explain to my four-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop in your pants, but he’s not buying it. In fact...

He’s still making fun of me...

πŸ‘︎ 84
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
🚨︎ report
What do people buying bread have in common with people who are selling bread?

They both want each other’s dough.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FoldaHolda
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend in Germany says that there has been panic buying of sausages and cheese . . .

It's the Wurst KΓ€se scenario

Credit: Twitter, Bruce Lawson (@brucel)

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Althesia
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Anyone interested in buying a broken barometer....?

No pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I was tricked into buying an ill-fitting shirt while on vacation in a city in France.

It was Toulouse.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kilokiilo
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call panic-buying sausage and cheese in Germany?

The Wurst Kase scenario

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Donosoley2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Anybody interested in buying ?
πŸ‘︎ 171
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MKA33133
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
A couple were interested in buying a haunted house.

The owner took them around the ground floor and everything looked perfect, even more so for the low price. The couple were suspicious that they saw no sign of anything supernatural, yet. The owner was pleasant and a little excited when showing them the house, until they got to the stairs. The woman stopped and looked incredibly uncomfortable as she stalled for time. Growing impatient, the couple asked her:

"What's upstairs?"

"Not much, what's up with you?" replied the stairs.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Goaheadidareyou
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What's called when people start buying tons of stuff "just in case" during a crisis?

Stock-at-home syndrome.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Vortelf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
They say 'buying stock in airlines is generally a bad idea'

But I made money out of Finnair.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/piedssurmars
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Got my wife while buying groceries in Maui...

I have been holding onto this one for quite some time and got to use it today, while on vacation. When selecting eggs, which were about $9.80, I said "Wow, would you say these are...EGGspensive?"

She responded with a big eye roll. I was super happy.

πŸ‘︎ 535
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fernaceman
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2016
🚨︎ report
I'm buying a liquor store and I'm gonna have games in the back.

The sign will say "liquor in the front, poker in the rear"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Akabass1999
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Buying these put me in a pickle
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nero-did-7-18
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I was buying my groceries in Prague when the manager approached me asking for my proof of citizenship

Being a US national, I wasn’t allowed to use the self Czech out.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What does buying a house and trigonometry have in common?

you have to sine and cosine

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Biturgi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Buying all christmas presents in early december...

...is adventageous.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/foungi1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2017
🚨︎ report
My wife and I were discussing buying a house with some land in the future...

And she said "Yeah if we have stables, we can offer livery services. People pay a lot for that."

I said, "yeah, and you can also grow some crops, like onions, if we had the land."

Long pause...

"Then you can offer livery and onion services!"

πŸ‘︎ 75
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EyewitBass
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2015
🚨︎ report
I had trouble buying things in Brazil

They told me my money wasn't Real.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bdfariello
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2018
🚨︎ report
In this election year, I'm buying shorter socks.

I don't want two support crews.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SednaBoo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2016
🚨︎ report
I'd been thinking about buying a couple of cattle to put in my fathers farm. I asked my wife if she'd be on with receiving a cow for our wedding anniversary.

She said she would be moooov'd.

I just got dad joked by my wife. :)

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/blakestar85
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2015
🚨︎ report
Anyone out there interested in buying my DeLorean ? Great condition, low mileage..

.. really only driven from time to time.

πŸ‘︎ 709
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
🚨︎ report
A friend in Germany tells me everyone’s panic buying sausages and cheese.

It’s the Wurst KΓ€se scenario.

πŸ‘︎ 155
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Anyone interested in buying my Delorean?

It’s only been used from time to time.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend in Germany tells me everyone’s panic buying sausages and cheese..

It’s the Wurst KΓ€se scenario

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drewfussss
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.