We had a potato cannon once. We had some dumpster bread. We were shooting it full of grass, bread and leaves....
Technically our cannon "shoots eats and leaves".
(As in the oxford comma panda assassin... that "eats, shoots, and leaves")
Anyway I've waited years for someone to appreciate this .... and it has never happened so far. I hope you are slightly amused....
Two sesame seeds have escaped prison and are believed to be hiding out on top of some bread.
Police have described the fugitives as being 'on the bun'.
This morning I had fried eggs, fried bread, fried potatoes and refried beans....
In search of spiritual enlightenment, I travelled to India and encountered a mystic sage that worshipped flat bread and flat bread only.
My wife after our son destroyed some garlic bread and threw the crumbs everywhere,
What a breadful night...
Is she the dad now? Are we both? Either way i sense more socks with Crocs in my future.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
I go to the store and buy 2 eggs, a loaf of bread, and some milk. The cashier says “you must be single” and I respond with “how did you know?”
She responded, “ because you are ugly!”
I was at a restaurant and they asked if I wanted more bread.
I had a more-roll dilemma.
A while ago, someone forgot their bread at the store. So I ran it out to them and said
“Excuse me sir, I think you focaccia bread!”
“Back in the day...” my dad started to say. “You could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well. But today...” he lamented...
“Wherever you go, there are those darn cameras!"
My girlfriend usually has peanut butter toast for breakfast, but this morning we were out of bread, and she’s been grouchy all day.
I never knew she was lack-toast intolerant.
I took my friend to an Indian buffet and he complained about the bread.
It turned out to be a Naan issue.
I left my bread dough in the oven too long and I think I burnt it...
I burst into the kitchen and shouted at my wife, "Honey! Whatever you do, do NOT let them take your temperature on your forehead when you go into the supermarket!! It erases your memory!! I went in for bread and milk like you asked..."
"...and came out with two cases of beer!!!"
"Walnut, Date and Banana Bread?", I exclaimed to the barista...
"Yes, it is really nice." She said cheerfully
"Oh no, I don't agree with Dates, too many bad experiences for me" I said with a smirk ear to ear.
"Oh, really? Why is that?" She asked.
Calmly I said, "They all end badly."
What do you get when you cross Jelly, peanut butter, and bread?
This has two outcomes: a) person says what. b) person says sandwich
a) A sandwich! What did you think you’d get?
b) You know, you have no clue how many people say what!
Bread and puns. Two of my favorite things!
My girlfriend has been experimenting with fermentation and the other day she made a bread from scratch.
Yo come up with the best bread puns and dont ask rye.
I went to the zoo and all I saw was a single loaf of bread in the middle of one exhibit
The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity.
I really like to put meatballs on bread, add cheese, and sauce.
Oh it’s so tasty.
Edit: whoops, I thought this was the meatball sub
Germans don't like it when you put sausage and cheese on the same slice of bread.
It's the Wurst Käse scenario.
My friend came to a fancy dress party wearing a suit and shoes made of bread.
He looked spiffy in his loafers.
I'm so proud of my son, for bringing bread and a jar of peanut butter to the truck show.
After all, this is MONSTER JAM!
What do you call a sandwich with one slice of whole wheat bread and one slice of white bread?
Who else eats bread with the white and green spots?
Edit: Thanks for the mold kind stranger
I told my mom to teach my kids her skills in making bread and pasta from scratch
My friend started to get rowdy and throw around bread...
I had to read him the rye-ot act
A local baker decided he could increase production and profits by putting bread in the oven for half the usual time.
His half-baked scheme didn't work out the way he had planned.
bread and the sun are similar - both rise in the yeast
I took my bread outta the toaster earlier and burnt my finger
I went down to the bread shop and ordered. The baker threw it at me!
He said I wanted a plane bagel!
Why does the person putting your groceries in a bag at grocery store always ask where you want your eggs and your loaf of bread?
Because baggers can’t be choosers.
When your soy bread prices keep going up and down
A wife asked her husband to go to the store and pick up a loaf of bread
“If they have eggs, get a dozen” she said. A half hour later, the husband comes home with 12 loaves of bread
We talk about groundbreaking inventions like electricity, and sliced bread, and television...
But how come nobody ever mentions the jackhammer?
I asked my son, "Hey, what do you call a rubber loop that you put rocks and bread into?" He shrugged and said he had no idea, so I answered…
Bread is like the sun, it rises in the yeast and sets in the waist...
I went to the bakery and asked for some short bread
They said they didn't make it any longer
I auditioned and got the part in a bread commercial.
The director said I was perfect for that roll.
Local news reports an armed and dangerous loaf of bread:
they say he's packing wheat.
Put this cheese on some bread with turkey, and I can't WHEAT to GOBBLE it down...
“Back in the day...” my grandfather started to say. “You could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well.”
“But today...” he continued. “Wherever you go, there are cameras...”
I went to the zoo today and saw a loaf of bread in one of the enclosures
Turns out it was bread in captivity
What does the sun and a loaf of bread have in common?
They both rise in the yeast
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