When a clogged drain killed his family, a clog far past the u-bend & far beyond justice, he knew had to take matters into his own filthy hands. He had to become...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zagmut
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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I was left a package this morning. On the front in big red letters it said, "PLEASE DO NOT BEND"

I thought to myself, how the f**k am I supposed to pick it up?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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Mercedes bends
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Big_Frank1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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Why can't you give credit to elbow for bending the arm?

Because it's a Joint effort

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dadushka008
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
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At dinner tonight my mother in law asked why my sons knife had a bend in it

I told her it’s so he can cut corners

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CpnCodpiece
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
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What do you call a con artist that can air bend?

An air con

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SleepyCrow07
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
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A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog, bends down as if to pet it, then picks it up by the tail and begins spinning it over his head. It created quite the ruckus, so an employee ran over and asked the man if he needed help.

"No thanks, just looking around."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notagoodspelller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
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My dad did a decent job bending his stick.

Ok boomerang.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
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Yoga bends. Yoga stretches. Yoga realizes he’s completely out of shape.

Yoga pants.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
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I would bend over backwards

to cure scoliosis

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wmyspr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
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How are Rice Krispies able to bend so well without breaking?

Because they’re marsh-malleable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Dredex_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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People don’t like having to bend over to get their drinks

We really need to raise the bar.

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Markvaldek
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
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My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch it might be me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
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What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

Doughnuts

(Sorry) (not sorry)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jjfergue
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
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What happens when the sunrise bends over?

You see the crack of dawn.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Costabza
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
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I told my doctor I felt constipated

He told me I was full of shit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vico__Staps
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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A car company tried to make a submarine, but it kept surfacing too quickley

The crew got the Mercedes-Bends

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AmethystMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
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A sandwich is a compromise

Meat in the middle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whatastupidpunt
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
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My friend always bends down when he's grocery shopping.

He suffers from low shelf esteem.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johngreenink
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
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I heard the NFL is supporting Colin Kaepernick.

I'm glad they are giving him the support he kneeds.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wspoons5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
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If Elbows Didn't Bend...

They would have no point.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BitbyDeadBear
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2018
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I forgot that my U-bend was blocked when I went to the toilet this morning.

But I remembered when all came flooding back to me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2018
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I just got an adorable baby goat, but it can’t bend its legs.

The vet said it’s a cute kid knee disorder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zephyrcoco
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
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I've been having some separation anxiety recently, and my Jamaican psychiatrist recommended that I bend an old pen around my finger as an exercise in self-assurance

Worked like a charm, I really feel like I am in de pen dent

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrOontzOontz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
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There's an envelope on my doorstep that says "do not bend"

I still haven't worked out how to pick it up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fingerofblame
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2017
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My friend said he could bend his big toe.

I told him to do it.

He had his shoes on so he said:"I don't want to shoe off"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/XXAligatorXx
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2017
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What is the most flexible car

The Mercedes Bends

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptianSoup
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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What happens when you crash your fancy new car?

Your Mercedes bends

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
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This pun made my friend not want to talk to me for a day

Ok, so this one needs a bit of buildup.

At the time (a week or so ago) I was making a homebrew item for DnD (for the uninformed, Homebrew are custom made items/classes/spells to use in a DnD game at the discretion of the DM (Dungeon Master)).

I had shown this item (shameless plug) to my friend (who is also the DM of the campaign I'm in now) in the hopes of using it in the campaign. He had pointed out that the item was a bit OP for it's cost and that the homebrew page I had made for it was too long. We were discussing ways to improve both the item and the page, and then got on the topic of magic items in general.

It went something along the lines of this:

DM: ... you can't really destroy a magic item before removing the magic from it. Like, you could try to melt down a magic sword for example, but all that would really do is make it too hot to hold. You could even bend it, but not outright destroy it.

Me: That's gotta be one pissed off magic sword.

DM: I mean, yeah, if it's sentient.

Me: Maybe it got so angry at being bent, that it gains sentience just spite you or something.

DM: Well, yeah maybe.

And this, people of reddit, is when the PUN, popped into my head.

Me: *leans in* you could say that the sword gained sentience cuz it got... bent out of shape.

A second or two of silence, and I see the pun register in his head, and I fucking lost it.

I then laugh for a straight minute. After about ten secunds of me busting a gut, he said "Aight, Imma head out"

We're cool now, but he really didn't want to talk to me the next day.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
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What is yellow, a little bend and not a banana?

Nevertheless a banana!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ISoldMyGFforKarma
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2016
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Gymnasts make really accomodating girlfriends.

They’ll bend over backwards.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/danielpauljohns
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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I'd bend over backwards to play limbo.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Whelks
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2013
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I wanted to see how a Mercedes bends. imgur.com/zJ17Fiv
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πŸ“…︎ May 20 2015
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A Limbo champion walks into a bar

He loses

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OneCleanBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2019
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How would you describe what quality of plastic fork would be needed to eat a particular food without bending?

That would be its utensil strength.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrFurrypants
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2015
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What is the quickest way to get to the mental asylum?

Just go around the bend.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elleden
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
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My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach...

β€œHaΒ­Β­! That’s not going to help,” she said.

β€œSure, it does,” I said. β€œIt’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2016
🚨︎ report
Here’s a shower thought

I’m naked and wet and can’t find the soap

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MartinBirk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
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Bane breaking Batman's back is a tragic back story
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_04
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
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What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

Doughnuts

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πŸ‘€︎ u/luckydragon88
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get when the sunrise bends over

The crack of dawn

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yaboi79
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
🚨︎ report
People don’t like having to bend over to get their drinks.

We really need to raise the bar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RobRoy333
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
🚨︎ report
People don't like having to bend over to get their drinks

We really need to raise the bar

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PB_Monk3y
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
🚨︎ report
People don’t like having to bend over to get their drinks.

We really need to raise the bar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
People hate bending over to get their drinks

They need to raise the bars

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shroomz441
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
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People don’t like having to bend over to get their drinks. We really need to raise the bar
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DevMoodiPro
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
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