I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'

The result was 'This page cannot be found.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExtraSure
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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I couldn’t read the name of this bastard who kept sending me letters for the longest time.

Then I learned sign language

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πŸ‘€︎ u/One-Angry-Goose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2021
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Some bastard has taken my festive German fruit bread

I think it was stollen

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sgtjenno
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.

Poor bastard.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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oh poor bastards
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Banoooooooo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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God said to Moses come forth my son

But the silly bastard tripped and came fifth

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πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
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"Ho, ho, ho," the jolly bastard mused, unaware I'd been slinking in the shadows for days, ready to unleash my revenge. I'd memorized his patterns, followed his every move, and had set the perfect trap. Down the chimney, ensnared by my noose, and left hanging above the fireplace; I got what I wanted.

A Christmas stalking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeromocles
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
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My vet picked up my dog, looked at him and confirmed that he was cross-eyed and that he had to be put down.

Confused and upset, I asked why.

The vet advised he was too heavy to hold any longer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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Not one of my illegitimate kids sent me a birthday card....

Bastards.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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Why is six afraid of seven?

Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes. He always had a pack of Luckys. But the boys are gone now... he knows that. It's--it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that seven looks at him... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there... In the jungle... In the darkness.

Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary. Six is afraid of Seven because he is a damn psychopath.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
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Dr William Archibald Spooner, the creator of spoonerisms was well known to be a smart fella.

The dirty bastard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesome_smokey
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
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The error message on fat bastards screen when his computer crashed

Chin-tax error

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jskell89
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
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I reread the story of Cain and Abel... the bastard murdered his bro!

He really rocked his world!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
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Chicken watching cartoons pun

I know you big beautiful bastards can help me think of something. Could any of you make a pun about chickens watching cartoons or kids shows

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bman9864
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
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To the bastard who stole my limbo dancing equipment...

How low can you go?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
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I went to see a psychiatrist to get over my crippling fear of palindromes.

The bastard put me on Xanax!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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Which weighs less; butane, gasoline or water?

Butane, because it's lighter fluid...

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdryan1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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A man walk into a bar.....*

Lucky bastard.

*This joke brought to you by the year 2020.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProjectOcoee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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Oh, the humanitea!
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deadcow5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
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What did 50 Cent do when he was hungry ?

58

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πŸ‘€︎ u/masprocas
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
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I'm making a new documentary on how to fly a plane

We're currently filming the pilot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
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A bunch of robbers came in and stole all of my soap.

Dirty bastards.

Then the cops came over and did a full report.

They said they got away clean.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DinkyOreo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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As a Mathmatician...

I will stop at nothing to avoid using negative numbers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cirrus_Minor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
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I write my name in cursive all the time -

It's my signature move.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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What's the difference between an orphan and a bastard?

Isn't it a parent?

-Andy James Scafidi

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unenthusiasm7
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2017
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I call it the Painbow v.redd.it/vqj4eqei9a121
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/norspur
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
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I shot a man in German,

just to watch him the.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnreese421
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
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What's green and has wheels?

Grass...I lied about the wheels

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jiggz5344
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
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After getting married, the woman filed for divorce the very next morning...........

Judge: "I don't understand, what happened?"

Woman: "I work in a pharmacy. I met him when he first came there last week and asked to purchase an X-X-X-X-L condom. That's when I thought, for a happy pleasureful life, I should get him to marry me before any other girls find out and lap him up."

Judge: "ok.... then? "

Woman: "I held my excitement all day thru the wedding, waiting for the night..... so at night when I my curiosity couldn't wait any longer........I found out something."

Judge: "what?"

Woman: "the Bastard has speech disorder.... he STAMMERS!!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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What was left after the French cheese factory exploded?

Da Brie

πŸ‘︎ 981
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jamesdo72
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
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Well well well, you Koi bastard... imgur.com/gallery/ywnYv05
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djuptownstl
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2014
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Hey dad, what's a bastard?

My younger brother is reading a book, and asks "Hey dad, what's a bastard?" To which my dad replies, "a bass turd is fish crap."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dustygameboy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2015
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We definitely should've done more to prepare for the pandemic.

I guess that's hindsight in 2020

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StoopSign
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
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Caught a couple dudes beating up a little kid , so I stepped in to help .

Little bastard didn’t stand a chance against the three of us !

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πŸ‘€︎ u/liddles06
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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What did the other goats say about the baby goat of unwed parents?

"That kid's a baaaaaastard!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTimeDictator
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
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Funny 'Dads Anonymous' story to share for the holiday weekend.

"Welcome everyone to Dads Anonymous. Again my name is Bill and you will notice that we have a new member, please welcome Gary -- Can you tell us what brought you to us today?"

"Well I have a very embarrassing confession. It's even hard to get the words out."

Bill reassures him, "We are all dads here and have been meeting for decades, we've been through all the highs and lows, births and deaths, tragedies, we've heard it all. Just tell us what's on your mind son, we are here to support each other."

"Well, a couple months ago, I broke both my legs in a motorcycle accident and couldn't walk, so I let my wife use the lawnmower." He says through the sobs...

Bob, one of the other dads, starts to get pale. "...and she didn't even cut it in a crisp geometric pattern, it was just random..." Bob starts to sweat and get dry heaves. "YOU BASTARD", he screams. "HOW COULD YOU LET THAT HAPPEN." The dads rise and get ready to beat the crap out of Gary, when Bill stands between them and breaks it up.

"Guys! Guys, we all get weak sometimes and things happen outside our control. Doug, you remember when you were in recovering from Chemo and you gave your wife a hammer, and she used it to hammer a roofing nail into the drywall to hang a picture!" Doug, looks down in shame, "Yes, that was a bad day, I was so weak. She missed the stud and left a dent in the wall, and she just hung the picture over it, crooked!" There was dead silence. "Thats ok Doug, it was twenty years ago, you were young and foolish, you can let it go". Then all the dads shook hands and sat back down.

Bill starts the meeting up again. Then Gary says, "..theres one more thing, Right after I got out of the hospital, she wanted to make a special dinner for us, so I let her grill the steaks..." "OH LORD THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" screams Dave, another dad, his face turning red. Gary continues "...she burnt them one one side and they were dry and chewy." Now there is a bedlam, one dad immediately passes out cold, chairs are thrown, broken bottles, Gary is on the ground being kicked in the ribs. After a few tense minutes Bill managed to get the dads off of Gary. "Stop it, Dave you're killing him. Come on, you remember that time you let your wife go to the repair shop for an oil change?" Dave hung his head, and muttered yeah. "They convinced her to change the cabin filter, wiper blades and the radiator collant..." Bill kept prodding "and, aaand" ...Dave broke down, "and she bought a jug of blinker fluid!" T

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
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My dad was always a clever bastard.

Talking to my dad about how many dishes there are.

Me: "Dad, we need a dishwasher, there are way too many dishes to clean all the time."

Dad: points to my mom "We have one, Son, it just doesn't work a lot of the time."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Casual_Tea
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2014
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U2 is having a concert in northern Ireland.

Halfway through the show, the music stops and Bono stands middle stage clapping his hands every few seconds. "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies" Without missing a beat, from somewhere in the front of the crowd a man bellows out in a thick Irish accent: "Well stop fucking doing it ya evil bastard!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/facts_my_guyy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
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Thieves broke into my house and stole everything but my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant.

Dirty Bastards.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YDAQ
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
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Did you know that most pirate shanties...

Were sung on the high C?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMightyShoosh
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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Why hasn't Abraham Lincoln ever been charged with a crime?

He's in a cent.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OneCoolGuy234
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2017
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Two cow's in a field, one cow goes 'Mooooooooooo'

The second cow looks at the first and says "you bastard, I was just gonna say that'.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fitz_cuniculus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
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Saw this in Tesco. Couldn't help but wonder what's replacing it?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shibby_rj
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2017
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One fifth of people are just too tense
πŸ‘︎ 280
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gsarge28
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2016
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A man walks into a bar.

Lucky bastard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnreese421
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
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Apparently someone gets stabbed every 48 seconds in South London.

Poor bastard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theultimatetaff
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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A man walks into a bar

Lucky bastard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nikoklis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
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Every 52 seconds a man in London is stabbed.

Poor bastard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stewbacca18
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
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A man walks into a bar.

Lucky bastard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alpha_Supreme
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
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