Why did the rich man fail at baking bread?

He didn’t knead the dough

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndyJBC
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
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I'm quite insecure about my home baking skills, though people kept complimenting me on my home made bread.

"Thanks" I said "I kneaded that"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordJimsicle
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2018
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My brother was never successful at baking homemade bread.

All he ever did was loaf around.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/holy_mountain_666
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
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Baking bread is annoying

I absolutely loaf it. (Loath)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Piggy_The_Sensei
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2017
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I want to bake all my bread from now on.

You can say is a loaf-ty goal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wasprobot
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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When French people make bread, they throw the dough at the window to see if it's ready to bake

I guess that's why they call it window pain.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dumbwaeguk
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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A friend with benefits who bakes bread could be called a cumpanion.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/peckerbrown
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
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How many Rabbi does it take to bake bread?

As many as you want just don’t use eleaven...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cooperba2929
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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I broke up with my girlfriend cuz she always wanted me to help her bake bread...

She was too kneady.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
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Benjamin Orr from The Cars loved to bake bread.

Every time her looked down at the dough, he thought β€œI guess you’re just what I kneaded”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/surgicalfunnel
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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I asked my fiancee what letters you need to put together for that ground up stuff you bake bread with. She said it's...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/baltinerdist
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
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A green-energy bakery just announced their new sun-baked bread.

While it's cooking, the sign reads "suns out, buns out."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElsaFrozen2013
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
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Last night I baked a loaf of deer bread.

This morning it was sour doe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jadekinsjackson
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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Baked some apple bread yesterday... imgur.com/5v4gEpK
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WacktheMedic
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2013
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When Persian chefs agree to have a bread bake-off...

...do they sign a naan-competition agreement?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Laringar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2015
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I was going to make a bread joke instead of a cake day joke...

On reflection though, I don’t knead to as it would be seedy, half baked, would get me rolled, wouldn’t involve me using my loaf and would leave me open to all sort of bread based buns...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hideandsheep
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
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I knead this
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuspiciousOmelet
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
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Have you all heard about the top secret bakery?

I didn't think so, it is on a knead to dough basis.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BLJ2273
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2017
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Do we really knead this?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2018
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If Walter White were a good person...

the TV series would be called Baking Bread.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/celsotavora
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
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A local baker decided he could increase production and profits by putting bread in the oven for half the usual time.

His half-baked scheme didn't work out the way he had planned.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vandorbelt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2017
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Told my dad I needed '00 flour' for baking

"What's the difference? Does it have a licence to mill?" It's an awful joke, but live and let rye.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SusanBoyleJr42
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2016
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A baker was preparing the dough for a loaf of his famous bread, while his son watched.

He slid the loaf into the oven to bake. He told his son, β€œThis bread is for a very special occasion, so I’m going to make a back-up.” He then plopped an extra loaf’s worth of dough onto the table, sliced it into two equal pieces, and immediately put them away. The boy asked, β€œDad, why’d you do that?” The baker smiled and told his son, β€œIt’s better to halve it and not knead it.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/radioclash86
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
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What's the lazy baker's favorite recipe?

Loaf bread.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gearhead2369
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2016
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I got one-upped by my 6 y.o. son

My son made himself a banana sandwich.

Son: "This is what monkeys eat."

I thought I'd mess with him a bit on this "fact", and throw some dad humour at him.

Me: "What?! Monkeys don't eat sandwiches! How do they even bake the bread?"

Son: "With a g'rilla."

I think this kid is going places. I was completely outdone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ign1fy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2014
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Bread pun

I make bread puns when you yeast expect it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SteakBarker
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2015
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My buddy said, "All Rise!"

And, so I told him, "That's not how you bake bread, tho.."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hentaisianbloke
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
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Mom got my dad with this classic

Tonight my mom was baking her famous Babka bread for Easter.

Dad: "are you going to bed honey?"

Mom: "not yet. I'm waiting for the bread to bake."

Dad: "how much longer is it going to be?"

Mom: "I'm using the usual dishes, so still about 12 inches"

He still doesn't get it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eflaves
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2014
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I worked at a summer camp once. My dad dropped me off on cultural day.

I was bringing in a baked good that those who share my religious faith eat on special occasions. This was also the summer when the song "Hollaback Girl" was popular. As I'm leaving the car, my dad tells me, "If nobody eats the bread, make sure you don't bring it back, because then you'd be a Challah-back Boy."

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2013
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Had a couple of easy ones yesterday

My wife was prepping to bake some bread. I yell down to her in the kitchen "what are you 'doughing' down there?"

As we're enjoying the bread she asked me to call our dog Charlie down from upstairs. I grabbed my cell phone and asked her "what's his number?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LoomisSimmons
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2016
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THE BREAD JOKE

Today, I tried to watch a video on how to bake bread, I couldn't see anything though, because the picture was too grainy

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2016
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Breakfast at work

So I brought in kolaches to the office this morning for breakfast. For those that don't know, they're basically bread rolls filled with egg, cheese and whatever else you want. One of my coworkers started talking about how they reminded him of some kind of cake "with M&Ms in it."

Except English isn't his first language, so he was saying it a little weird.

Him: "You can't bake a cake with M&M in it."

Me: "'Cause you'd kill him."

There was absolutely no reaction whatsoever, so I can't tell if people were just ignoring my awful joke or if just nobody heard me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pickelsurprise
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2015
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