When geese are migrating they form a "V" shape, but do you know why one side is always longer than the other?

Because there are more geese on that side.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TempestWest
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A, B, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, & Z are all racists.. How do I know?

Because they're all not 'C's.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedPlanetCorridor
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
When ducks are flying south, they fly in a V formation. But one side is always longer. Do you know why?

There's more ducks on that side.

(As told by my father)

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RMiller517
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
When geese/any birds are flying in a 'V' ....

My dad used to say "You know why one side of the 'V' is longer?"

...no, why?

"Because there are more birds on that side."

πŸ‘︎ 253
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RealSteele
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2015
🚨︎ report
Pun-off

Top level comments must contain simply the subject of the pun.

Replies are only puns of the subject.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/phlux
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Call all pun creators

My sister is in the emergency room with second degree burns on her foot from cooking oil, I need puns to make fun of her at thanksgiving.

Be merciless.

Edit: it was great, you're puns were big hits. After each pun I said your username without context, but at the end of dinner someone asked me if I was going insane and I said "no, those are the pun credits" so, in some of your cases it was pretty funny to say out of context.

Thank you all for your entries, they were great!

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CrimsonCultist
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2016
🚨︎ report
(Advice) What are some squirrel puns...need ideas for retirement party?

One of our support staff is retiring. She's been with us for about 10 years. She is known as "squirrel", her nickname from high school.

What are some puns I can use? I plan to have several small squirrel figures holding "signs" wishing her a happy journey, but want to be creative. This will be for a small room with food, cake, coffee, and good company.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2015
🚨︎ report
Earthquakes

Talking to a friend about possibly moving to California and earthquakes became a topic of conversation.

Her: Watch out for earthquakes though. No pressure.

Her: Sorry, I just get a little shaken up thinking about it.

Me: Don’t worry it’s not your fault

Then she didn't reply for a while.

Me: Did I crack you up? Are these puns resonating with you? Or are they just causing a rift in our friendship?

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GK67
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2014
🚨︎ report
Wife says I won’t get 5 upvotes for this, but... Did you hear the one about the dog and the tree?

They had a long conversation about bark.

Edit: Y'all are nuts! We're somewhere north of 10k upvotes now, so I'll direct any remaining attention to Boot Camp for New Dads.

πŸ‘︎ 24k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/amalgamxtc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Somebody threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at my head.

It's OK though as my injuries are only super fish oil.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife looked at my son (7) yesterday and told him his shoes were on the wrong feet

Without missing a beat he said "They can't be, these are the only feet I have"

Proud dad moment!

πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/michaelprstn
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I just heard there's a new Canadian strain of covid

People are showing up to the hospital eh-symptomatic

πŸ‘︎ 496
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eleece
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report
A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3 in the Bahamas

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

πŸ‘︎ 589
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Merlin-5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Sales are down, so my boss asked why the greeting cards aren't moving

I told him it's because they are stationary

πŸ‘︎ 105
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Why are all archeologists depressed?

Because their lives are in ruins

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
The guy who stole my diary died yesterday.

My thoughts are with his family.

πŸ‘︎ 18k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
A real life dad joke.

My wife was dishing out food. She put some salad on a plate and handed it to my daughter.

Then my wife looked at me and said, "Cesar Salad?"

I immediately grabbed my daughter's plate and pulled it out of her hands. My daughter got confused (maybe wondering if she did something wrong?). My wife asks me, "What the hell are you doing???"

I responded, "Sorry. Could have sworn you just said seize her salad."

πŸ‘︎ 412
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zamundan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Why won't swords go obsolete?

They are cutting edge technology.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/U-r-a-bus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are 0 and 1 the only numbers with genders?

All the others are non-binary

πŸ‘︎ 557
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cheble003
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
My 5yo blew us away with this original that he came up with all on his own. What do you call two ice dragons?

Twice dragons.

Update: honestly thank you everyone, you guys are totally making this kids day! Distance learning in kindergarten has been rough and he misses seeing his friends pretty hard, so when I told him about this (I was able to use β€œWreck-It Ralph : Ralph breaks the Internet” and buzz tube with likes/hearts as a reference) he’s been smiling from ear to ear nonstop since! A million thankyouβ€˜s for the kind words and awards.

πŸ‘︎ 302
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jruff84
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Our cemetery is really getting crowded.

Seems people are just dyin to get into it.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I have 10 pet geese,out of which 8 speak perfect English.

The last two are Portuguese.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rhshi14
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report
My sister prefers taking the stairs, but I always take the elevator.

I guess..we are raised differently.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
🚨︎ report
When people find out im a bad electrician ...

... they are usually shocked

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord_Double_D
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Why is six afraid of seven?

Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes. He always had a pack of Luckys. But the boys are gone now... he knows that. It's--it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that seven looks at him... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there... In the jungle... In the darkness.

Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary. Six is afraid of Seven because he is a damn psychopath.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a bar after a long day at work.

He sits down, orders a beer, and begins to mull over his day.

After a few minutes he hears a quiet, and high pitched voice say "I like your shirt". He looks around and doesn't see anybody, so he goes back to his drink.

A few sips later he hears the same voice say "You have lovely eyes". He looks around again half expecting to see Alvin the chipmunk, but there is nothing.

After a few more sips, he hears it again, "I bet your parents are real proud of you". Finally he has had enough. He slams his drink down, looks over at the bartender, and says "what the hell is that high pitched voice I am hearing?!"

The bartender looks up and says "Its the peanuts...

They're complimentary."

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/smoffatt34920
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between Outlaws and Inlaws ?

Outlaws are wanted.

πŸ‘︎ 81
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
🚨︎ report
A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks...

He found his way to the men's department where a young lady offered to help him. "Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the salesgirl. "No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Well, these shirts are on sale this week," declared the salesgirl. "No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines," repeated the man.

"I still don't know what you're trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack," offered the salesgirl. "No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines," insisted the man.

"These sweaters are top quality," the salesgirl probed. "No, no quiero sueter. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Our undershirts are over here," fumbled the salesgirl, beginning to lose patience. "No, no quiero camisetas. Quiero calcetines," the man repeated.

As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair. Holding them up he proclaimed, "Β‘Eso sΓ­ que es!"

"Why didn't you just spell it in the first place?!" yelled the salesgirl.

πŸ‘︎ 88
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cyberentomology
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
I tried to organize a professional Hide and Seek tournament, but it failed miserably.

Good players are hard to find.

πŸ‘︎ 251
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
🚨︎ report
We have a box of dead batteries at home.

They are all free of charge

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gp_11
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are $1.50 but deer nuts are under a buck

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
🚨︎ report
My middle name is Stevenson because my dads name is Steven and I’m his son.

So I guess you could say dad jokes are my middle name.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/scottyboiii97
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Someone just robbed the local wig store

The police are combing the area

πŸ‘︎ 78
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
My son asked me what does gay mean

Me: it's means being happy

Son: so are you gay dad?

Me: no son, I have an wife

πŸ‘︎ 99
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CAUSTIC101
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
What are the strongest days of the week?

Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.

πŸ‘︎ 125
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/red_snake0329
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Why can’t DJs find work in the seafood industry?

Because they are always dropping the bass.

πŸ‘︎ 99
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_Valgaras
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm having trouble organising a hide-and-seek league.

Good players are hard to find.

πŸ‘︎ 72
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
They started a poetry class at the local prison...

But I don't know how I feel about it... There are prose and cons

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Caddiss_jc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
My Joke:

Why a teddy bear never eats? They are always STUFFED!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MC-boi7016
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Cow jokes that are great for making your kids' eyes roll :

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!

What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Lean beef!

What do you call a cow after it gives birth? De-calf-enated!

Did you hear about that cow that jumped over a barbed wire fence? It was udder destruction.

(After they beg you to stop, hit them with: "Ok, it's time too mooooove on to some different jokes. These cow jokes are getting udderly ridiculous.")

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChewyNutCluster
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
I fear for the Calendar.

It’s days are numbered...

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wilhelmfart
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Pecan pie costs 3$ in Jamaica, but it costs $4 in Cuba

These are the pie-rates of the Caribbean.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do managers never go bowling with their employees?

Because they are afraid of them striking

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Geb69
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Dad birthdays are always improper...

All the gifts are addressed β€œFaux Pas”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAnim8or
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Do you know why when geese are flying, one side of the V is longer?

There's more geese on that side.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lumie102
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know why one side is longer when birds are flying in a V formation?

Because there’s more birds on that side.

πŸ‘︎ 139
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Philonic
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
🚨︎ report
When birds are flying in a V, why is one line always longer?

There are more birds in that line.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jrbjordan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
🚨︎ report
When birds are flying in a V-formation, why is one side of the "V" longer than the other?

...

Because there are more birds on that side.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2015
🚨︎ report
A slice of pie is $2.50 in Jamaica, and $3.00 in the Bahamas.

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rubNTugInc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.