A list of puns related to "Ares V"
Because there are more geese on that side.
Because they're all not 'C's.
There's more ducks on that side.
(As told by my father)
My dad used to say "You know why one side of the 'V' is longer?"
...no, why?
"Because there are more birds on that side."
Top level comments must contain simply the subject of the pun.
Replies are only puns of the subject.
My sister is in the emergency room with second degree burns on her foot from cooking oil, I need puns to make fun of her at thanksgiving.
Be merciless.
Edit: it was great, you're puns were big hits. After each pun I said your username without context, but at the end of dinner someone asked me if I was going insane and I said "no, those are the pun credits" so, in some of your cases it was pretty funny to say out of context.
Thank you all for your entries, they were great!
One of our support staff is retiring. She's been with us for about 10 years. She is known as "squirrel", her nickname from high school.
What are some puns I can use? I plan to have several small squirrel figures holding "signs" wishing her a happy journey, but want to be creative. This will be for a small room with food, cake, coffee, and good company.
Talking to a friend about possibly moving to California and earthquakes became a topic of conversation.
Her: Watch out for earthquakes though. No pressure.
Her: Sorry, I just get a little shaken up thinking about it.
Me: Donβt worry itβs not your fault
Then she didn't reply for a while.
Me: Did I crack you up? Are these puns resonating with you? Or are they just causing a rift in our friendship?
They had a long conversation about bark.
Edit: Y'all are nuts! We're somewhere north of 10k upvotes now, so I'll direct any remaining attention to Boot Camp for New Dads.
It's OK though as my injuries are only super fish oil.
Without missing a beat he said "They can't be, these are the only feet I have"
Proud dad moment!
People are showing up to the hospital eh-symptomatic
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
I told him it's because they are stationary
Because their lives are in ruins
My thoughts are with his family.
My wife was dishing out food. She put some salad on a plate and handed it to my daughter.
Then my wife looked at me and said, "Cesar Salad?"
I immediately grabbed my daughter's plate and pulled it out of her hands. My daughter got confused (maybe wondering if she did something wrong?). My wife asks me, "What the hell are you doing???"
I responded, "Sorry. Could have sworn you just said seize her salad."
They are cutting edge technology.
All the others are non-binary
Twice dragons.
Update: honestly thank you everyone, you guys are totally making this kids day! Distance learning in kindergarten has been rough and he misses seeing his friends pretty hard, so when I told him about this (I was able to use βWreck-It Ralph : Ralph breaks the Internetβ and buzz tube with likes/hearts as a reference) heβs been smiling from ear to ear nonstop since! A million thankyouβs for the kind words and awards.
Seems people are just dyin to get into it.
The last two are Portuguese.
I guess..we are raised differently.
... they are usually shocked
Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes. He always had a pack of Luckys. But the boys are gone now... he knows that. It's--it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that seven looks at him... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there... In the jungle... In the darkness.
Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary. Six is afraid of Seven because he is a damn psychopath.
He sits down, orders a beer, and begins to mull over his day.
After a few minutes he hears a quiet, and high pitched voice say "I like your shirt". He looks around and doesn't see anybody, so he goes back to his drink.
A few sips later he hears the same voice say "You have lovely eyes". He looks around again half expecting to see Alvin the chipmunk, but there is nothing.
After a few more sips, he hears it again, "I bet your parents are real proud of you". Finally he has had enough. He slams his drink down, looks over at the bartender, and says "what the hell is that high pitched voice I am hearing?!"
The bartender looks up and says "Its the peanuts...
They're complimentary."
Outlaws are wanted.
He found his way to the men's department where a young lady offered to help him. "Quiero calcetines," said the man.
"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the salesgirl. "No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines," said the man.
"Well, these shirts are on sale this week," declared the salesgirl. "No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines," repeated the man.
"I still don't know what you're trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack," offered the salesgirl. "No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines," insisted the man.
"These sweaters are top quality," the salesgirl probed. "No, no quiero sueter. Quiero calcetines," said the man.
"Our undershirts are over here," fumbled the salesgirl, beginning to lose patience. "No, no quiero camisetas. Quiero calcetines," the man repeated.
As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair. Holding them up he proclaimed, "Β‘Eso sΓ que es!"
"Why didn't you just spell it in the first place?!" yelled the salesgirl.
Good players are hard to find.
They are all free of charge
Beer nuts are $1.50 but deer nuts are under a buck
So I guess you could say dad jokes are my middle name.
The police are combing the area
Me: it's means being happy
Son: so are you gay dad?
Me: no son, I have an wife
Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
Because they are always dropping the bass.
Good players are hard to find.
But I don't know how I feel about it... There are prose and cons
Why a teddy bear never eats? They are always STUFFED!
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Lean beef!
What do you call a cow after it gives birth? De-calf-enated!
Did you hear about that cow that jumped over a barbed wire fence? It was udder destruction.
(After they beg you to stop, hit them with: "Ok, it's time too mooooove on to some different jokes. These cow jokes are getting udderly ridiculous.")
Itβs days are numbered...
These are the pie-rates of the Caribbean.
Because they are afraid of them striking
All the gifts are addressed βFaux Pasβ
There's more geese on that side.
Because thereβs more birds on that side.
There are more birds in that line.
...
Because there are more birds on that side.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
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