I knew what apple juice tasted like before I even tried it.
I had in-cider information.
π︎ 39
π
︎ Feb 26 2021
I saw the Apple store get robbed once
π︎ 64
π
︎ Jan 11 2021
True story: My family and I were walking at an apple orchard today when my 6-year-old noticed a discarded apple and asked "Why is there an apple under a pine tree?"
I responded without missing a beat, "That, my son, is a pine apple."
Shoutout to the mom passing by who witnessed and appreciated this gem.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Sep 28 2020
Walking down the road last night, I passed an apple pie, an ice cream sundae, and a lemon cheesecake.
I thought "the streets are strangely desserted tonight."
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Jul 15 2020
I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it.
π︎ 27
π
︎ Oct 16 2020
I saw a robbery at an apple store today.
The police interviewed me because I was an iWitness.
π︎ 132
π
︎ Sep 18 2020
I met a man named Jim Apple the other day.
He has trouble introducing himself in France.
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Jan 09 2020
I hate Apple picking
π︎ 11
π
︎ Sep 26 2020
I used Apple Watch to monitor my workout when I was at Orange Theory ...
Basically my overall performance was compared with Appleβs and Orangeβs.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Aug 07 2020
Original joke time! The apples I had to remove the peals from all appeared in twos, matched for use together.
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 03 2020
A man walks into Apple and says βHi, Iβm after an iPhone 11β
The assistant says βOk Iβll serve the iPhone 11 first thenβ
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 15 2020
My friend thought I chucked a freshly eaten apple at his face.
π︎ 27
π
︎ May 31 2020
If I have 23 apples in one hand, and 33 oranges in the other hand, what do I have?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 10 2020
I farted in the Apple store and everyone got pissed at me
Not my fault they don't have Windows
π︎ 8
π
︎ May 25 2020
I heard Apple is developing a new car
But they were having trouble installing windows.
π︎ 28
π
︎ Feb 09 2020
I heard Apple are trying to seize the market on immaterial groups of dolphins
I think they called them airpods
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 18 2020
I was in the Apple store the other day and the sales assistant Robert, approached me and asked would I like to try the new iPhone. Not interested, I turned and said:
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 05 2019
I was lying beneath a tree pondering gravity, when suddenly an apple came tumbling down
. . . and then it struck me.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 14 2020
Iβm hoping in the next iOS update Apple releases they include more jack o lantern emojis.
But I donβt want to count my pumpkins before they patch.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Oct 30 2019
My dad knew I wanted an Apple Watch...he delivered!
https://i.imgur.com/9IrzGtD.jpg
π︎ 137
π
︎ Dec 26 2018
I called my boss a bad apple today
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 17 2020
I've realized I don't really like apples
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 09 2020
Whenever I go to a Apple Store, I feel like a three year old at a candy shop.
I canβt afford anything.
π︎ 118
π
︎ Apr 11 2019
If you can guess how many apples I'm holding behind my back, I'll give you them both.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 08 2019
I just ate a frozen apple
π︎ 125
π
︎ Feb 11 2019
I wanted to buy the new Apple Pro Display but I only have $4999...
π︎ 38
π
︎ Jun 06 2019
If I witnessed a robbery in the Apple store, would that make me an iWitness?
π︎ 268
π
︎ May 19 2018
I read that Apple is going to invest in optometry...
...they are calling it iDoctor.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 13 2019
I canβt stand Appleβs prices right now.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 06 2019
βNo, I donβt have Apple Pay!β
π︎ 8
π
︎ Sep 08 2019
I want to buy Apple's new monitor but I only have $4,000...
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jun 06 2019
I went into an Apple store and farted. Everyone started glaring at me.
I said, "What? It's not my fault you don't have Windows!"
π︎ 28
π
︎ Feb 21 2019
Guys, I got a new Apple Watch for Christmas!
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 27 2018
I like my apples the way I like my trees.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 01 2019
There was a farmer selling his produce at the side of the road, I pulled over as I was a bit hungry to get an apple. I noticed he also sold paracetamol and cough medicine. I asked him "why do you sell drugs?"
He said "I'm a farmer see"
π︎ 19
π
︎ Jun 13 2019
Walking home last night, I passed a slice of apple pie, an ice cream sundae, and a lemon cheesecake.
I thought to myself, βThe streets seem strangely dessertedβ¦β
π︎ 181
π
︎ Jul 20 2020
I saw a robbery take place at the Apple Store today.
The police wanted to interview me because I was an iWitness.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Sep 19 2020
I saw someone rob the Apple store.
π︎ 59
π
︎ May 01 2020
So I farted in an Apple store and everyone got mad
I said too bad they don't have windows
π︎ 250
π
︎ Oct 26 2019
I farted in the Apple store, and everyone got mad.
It's not my fault that they didn't have Windows.
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Aug 31 2018
I once farted in an Apple Store. They kicked me out because they didin't have Windows
π︎ 82
π
︎ Sep 03 2019
I saw a robbery at an Apple store.
The police tell me that I'm their iWitness.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Apr 12 2019
I just saw a robbery at the Apple store.
I guess that makes me an iWitness!
π︎ 9
π
︎ May 16 2019
I saw a robbery at the Apple Store the other day.
I guess that makes me an iWitness.
π︎ 29
π
︎ Oct 10 2018
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