What starts with an E and ends with an E, but often only has one letter?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sacca7
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2017
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r/dadjokes is recruiting moderators, join us!

Update: Thanks for all your applications! Give /u/parin89 and I a few days to take a look and confer!
(if you haven't put your application in yet, you've still got time)

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Greetings /r/dadjokes subscribers,

Years have passed since this sub started up, and there are now literally millions of you. Whoa.

Two million people is just two many two handle for two moderators. Especially these days, when both /u/parin89 and I have two many other responsibilities and a whole lot less time. I'm 200% sure most of you would agree that more mods are needed.

So we're looking for 5 more moderators to get involved. If you're keen to apply, read the rest of this post and answer the three questions in your comment response.

Answer these 3 questions in your reply:

  1. How would you describe a dad joke?
  2. Do you currently moderate any other subreddits? If yes, which ones.
  3. You see a post that is not breaking the rules or reddit's posting guidelines, but is generally disliked by the community. What do you do?

Only apply if:

  • You're a reasonable, fair-minded and patient human
  • You're in it to keep this community a happy, friendly and safe place for other humans
  • You've got previous mod experience from a decent sized community (let's say... 5k+)
  • You're cool with the first few months being a trial run
  • You understand that while we could use more active moderation, and would benefit from a few more rules, one of the things that makes this community great is that it's pretty open (after all, dad jokes repeat a lot and not every "repost" is necessarily an opportunistic attempt to game karma)

We'd benefit from a few practical things as well, it would be great if:

  • You live in a timezone that covers off either the USA, the UK, Australia (we'd like a spread)
  • You've got some automod experience
  • You've got some sub-customisation experience

Don't apply if:

  • You're ready to come out swinging with a power tripping ban hammer
  • You're more concerned about Internet points than real people

We'll leave this stickied for a week and then come back to message a few people and make some selections.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tali3sin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
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10 Stupid Puns
  1. My friend once told me she watched Regular Show all the time. I said, "I guess you could say you watch it regularly." We are not friends anymore. (True Story)

  2. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

  3. I wanted to take pictures of the fog this morning… But IΒ mistΒ my chance. I guess I couldΒ dewΒ itΒ tomorrow!

  4. Looks tasty. Gimme a pizza that.

  5. Why do eggs hate jokes? The answers always crack them up!

  6. What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opened the refrigerator? "Hey, close the door! I'm dressing!"

  7. Somebody stole all my lamps…. And I couldn't be more de-lighted!

  8. I once met a pig that did karate… We called him Pork Chop!

  9. Coffee has a rough time in our house. It gets mugged every single morning!

  10. My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve!

(Source For All Puns Except The First) https://bestlifeonline.com/bad-funny-puns/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/punsdaily
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mattjb1994
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2018
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The clown and the parachute instructor

On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a clown listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.

The clown asked, β€œHow am I supposed to know when I’€™m at 300 feet?”

β€œThat’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground.”

After pondering his answer, the clown asked, β€œWhat happens if there’s no one there I know?”

https://bestcleanfunnyjokes.com/the-clown-and-the-parachute-instructor/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfraymond
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
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Best yet

Me- have you ever heard of Slader.com

Husband-no

Me- it has the answers for almost every math book made, and it shows the work for the lazy people.

Husband- Well I guess they should call it Ashly Mathison

Me- ?????

Husband- ya know..cause they cheat!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmasker143
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2019
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Found at a high school: "The best app for success?"

Answer- APPlying yourself!

https://imgur.com/a/tRNQeTy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aboveground_Plush
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
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You guys liked my previous post about my Dads pre-emergency surgery Dad joke...

Here: https://www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/comments/btsq5u/my_dad_will_be_telling_dad_jokes_till_the_end/

Well, I remembered something else he said once that I find hilarious (now) that you may also.

When I was a kid my chore was to do the dishes, by hand, after every meal bar holidays when I had help and the week of my birthday. One particular time, I must have been about 15 when I asked my Dad, Why don't we use the dishwasher, its easier and it's right next to me?

In the proud tradition of Dads before him he answered, We are using the dishwasher, now hurry up and quit complaining.

I laugh now in hindsight, and for some reason really enjoy doing dishes by hand.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FloatyMcBoatface
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
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He must've done this 20+ times

I'll be sitting in the passenger seat. Perhaps on my phone. My dad will point out to the street and say 'Hey'. Naturally this gets my attention. I usually respond with 'What?' He wont answer. I'll look over and he'll be pointing at a Truck transporting a large number of bales of hay. I look at him. Smuggest look of satisfaction on his face.

Edit: I can't spell. I'm like a clam Edit 2:http://i.imgur.com/mTme2Jo.jpg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_doodlebop
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2014
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The apple asked the orange if he knew Chinese.

The orange said, "no, but I can speak mandarin."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirROFLot
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2017
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We were at the dentist today and my youngest asked what this was....
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πŸ‘€︎ u/potter1313
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2017
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In a serious food fight, a food fight to the death, what would be the most appropriate food weapon? (found dad in r/AskReddit)

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/615gh8/in_a_serious_food_fight_a_food_fight_to_the_death/dfc7q3q/

Answer - Extra Sharp Cheddar

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mappersdelight
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2017
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My wife asked if we had any limocello . . .

I don't think she liked my answer.

http://imgur.com/08cXfbg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Other_Mike
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2015
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The "Philogelos" is a collection of ancient Roman dad jokes

"Philogelos" or "The Laughter Lover" is a collection of 265 ancient Roman jokes, written in the 4th century AD. Some of them feel... very appropriate for this sub:

  • A boy caught sight of a deep well on his country-estate, and asked if the water was any good. The farmhands assured him that it was good, and that his own parents used to drink from that well. The boy expressed his amazement: "How long were their necks, if they could drink from something so deep!"

  • When a boy was told by someone, "Your beard is now coming in," he went to the rear-entrance and waited for it.

  • A boy checked in on the parents of a dead classmate. The father was wailing: "O son, you have left me a cripple!" The mother was crying: "O son, you have taken the light from my eyes!" Later, the boy suggested to his friends: "Well, if he were guilty of all that, he probably deserved to die!"

  • A boy came to check in on a friend who was seriously ill. When the man's wife said that he had 'departed', the intellectual replied: "When he arrives back, will you tell him that I stopped by?"

  • A boy had been at a wedding-reception. As he was leaving, he said: "What a wonderful ceremony! I pray that your next marriages are as enjoyable as this one."

  • A man met his friend in the street, who said: "Congratulations! I hear that you've got a new baby boy!" The man replied: "Indeed, but I'm still trying to find the father!"

  • A man saw a eunuch talking with a woman and asked him if she was his wife. When he replied that eunuchs can't have wives, the man asked: "So is she your daughter?"

  • A man was being heckled by a friend: "I had your wife, without paying a dime!" The man replied: "It's my duty as a husband to couple with such a monstrosity. What made you do it?'

  • An incompetent schoolteacher was asked who the mother of Priam was. Not knowing the answer, he said: "Well, I suppose it's polite to call her Ma'am."

  • A man, just back from a trip abroad, went to an incompetent fortune-teller. He asked about his family, and the fortune-teller replied: "Everyone is fine, especially your father." When the man objected that his father had been dead for ten years, the reply came: "Ah, then you must have no clue who your real father is!"

  • A misogynist paid his last respects at the tomb of his dead wife. When someone asked him, "Who has gone to rest?," he replied: "Me, at last!"

You can find more here and [here](http://publishing.y

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AttalusPius
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2016
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How Do You Pick Up a Girl?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/newsjunkie8
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2015
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It seems the NZTA motorcycle questions are written by a Dad.

If getting my motorcycle license didn't depend on it I'd answer A. http://imgur.com/27L4lGO.png

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πŸ‘€︎ u/metalbassist33
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2015
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Just had this back and forth with my co-worker. Her husband works in explosives.

Me: seems appropriate for you and yours: http://www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/comments/32gzy7/what_was_the_secret_to_the_miners_success/ Her: That’s a dynamite answer! Me: I noticed the explosion of laughter over there Her: Rock on! Me: gold-standard of jokes here Her: so precious Me: digging deep on that one Her: pickin away one at a time Me: we have definitely hit the pay dirt of mining puns Her: definite Honey Hole here! Me: not sure that joke bee-longs here Her: you are a total BUZZZZZZ kill Me: comb on it wasn’t that bad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gabeanzelini
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2015
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"Where are the kids?"

I can't quite figure where this joke belongs, but it occurs in this one minute clip featuring a mountain lion. The answer this dad gives to his wife about where the kids are had me rolling:

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-33251042

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jayjacks
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2015
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What is recursion?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint-V
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2017
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