This isn’t just gross - it’s fucking fowl
Asked my contractor why he didn’t bill me for my new roof
He said “Don’t worry about it, it’s on the house!”
Five years back I couldn’t pay my electricity bill, those were the dark days of my life
My friend just can't afford to pay his huge water bill...
I've just sent him a 'Get Well Soon' card.
Bill and Melinda Gates got divorced. Melinda got the house...
But Bill kept the Windows
Ughh..shut up and bill my purchase...
How does Bill Gates count to ten?
1, 2, 3, 95, 98, NT, 2000, ME, XP, Vista, 7, 8,10.
In college, my roommates and I were so broke that we couldn’t pay our electricity bill.
Those were the darkest days of our lives.
What do squid say when they smell something gross?
Wow, it really “inks” in here 💀
My friend was too sick to pay his water bill.
I told him to get well soon.
Why can't bill gates get married?
Because he was micro-soft
Bill Gates meets Arnold Schwarzenneger at a party and asks him if he's upgraded to Windows 10 yet? Big Arnie replies.......
"Ah still love Vista Baby....."
What do you call a wreath made of $100 bills?
I just spoke with Bill Withers and told him "Ain't No Sunshine" is poor grammar.
He said "I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know..."
I hate having bills to pay .....
I know he gets embarrassed about being bald and it sort of creeps me out
Growing up, there was a time my parents couldn't pay the electric bill.
It was the darkest day of my life.
Changing a dollar bill to quarters by cutting it into four pieces
Well that didn't cross my mind
So my dad just died because he needed blood and we didn’t know his blood type.
He was so brave and even tried to encourage us, the family around him, with his last breaths. He kept whispering to us to Be Positive.
Why should you never offer gross food to a Russian?
Woman to Butcher: People who sell meat are gross...
Butcher to Woman: People who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.
This morning Siri said "don't call me Shirley"
I'd accidentally left my phone in Airplane mode.
Without Bill,
Melinda will be just an ionaire.
I heard Bill and Melinda Gates are getting divorced.
Apparently he refused to ever empty the recycle bin.
Here goes nothing….
Why does a duck have tail feathers….
To cover its butt quack
Opened the electric bill and the Wife can't understand why i'm on the floor laughing.
I’m sorry aboot these. Please don’t kick me out of this sub or shoe me away....
Why did Bill and Melinda Gates divorce?
They argued about who will clean windows.
I was going to make a joke about Bill Gates Divorce but I decided not to..
Just who you were looking for
Ah sorry i didn't read the name of the subreddit right
MODS please remove this post if it doesn't belong on this sub
I was working in my shop, when one of the cashier came up to me and said, "These 2 guys came in and tried to give me some fake $100 dollar bills."
"What did they look like?" I asked
He said, "$100 bills."
My friend ordered a sculpture of his face, but later realized he couldn’t afford the bill.
He really got a head of himself.
If my son ever came out to be trans then I wouldn’t have a son anymore
Why shouldn't you put more than 239 beans in a soup?
Because adding just one more would make it too farty. Straight from my 7 year old daughter.
Edit: Thank you so much for the awards and upvotes. I showed my daughter how many people saw and appreciated her humor and she's extatic. I know she probably didn't come up with the joke herself but this was one of the first times she really got me with a good one and I thought I'd share it with some fellow dads and others.
Why can't a bill become law?
Because it's a ducks mouths
Don't know if this was posted here before
I forgot to pay my water bill again so the city sent me a card.
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill
So I sent him a "get well soon" card
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill.
So I sent him a "get well soon" card.
My friend said that he couldn't afford to pay his huge water bill....
So, I sent him a 'Get Well Soon' card.
My friend in the country couldn’t afford his water bill...
So I sent him a ‘Get Well Soon!’ card.
My friend just can't afford to pay his huge water bill...
I've sent him a Get Well Soon card.
My friend couldn’t afford to pay his water bill.
I sent him a “get well soon” card.
I told Bill Withers, “Ain’t No Sunshine is a double negative. That’s bad grammar.”
He said, “I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know...”
People who sell meat are gross.
But people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.
People who sell meat are gross.
But people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.
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