He said “Suit yourself”
Now he’s just Scottish.
A mute ant
.
Daniel Night-Clark.
Yes, the Thai yams are aura changing.
The only way I can tell them apart is by their scales.
The Alterator
Mine was a hawk but I have an alter eagle
Because soapmakers always lye
Because the radiation altered his jeans.
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
It will be called, Tailor Swift.
Her name is Ellie Vader
He sure has his work cut out for him.
and calling it Tailor Swift
He was already left at the alter once
called Seams Legit.
The scientific experiments altered his jeans
Does anyone know how I can get hold of Taylor Swift?
All you have to do is dye it.
He was a musician by day
But he was a FLY BY NIGHT!
He starts shadow boxing and proclaiming he is "Gaseous Clay" and "he is the greatest"
I'll call it "Tailor Swift"
I gave them away...I hate religious nuts.
Its alter Eggo
They’re an alter-Nate version!
He was checking his balance
I'm writing vows for me wedding, and am going to have a line that's something like "I promise to try not to tell too many dad jokes", but then I want to follow it up immediately with a bad dad joke about that.
So far the best I have is "I promise to try not to tell too many dad jokes, no matter how punny I think they are".... But I reckon there's gotta be something better than that. Any suggestions?
At the alter the priest said... You cantaloupe.
She's an altered stateswoman.
Cashier: Did you find everything you were looking for okay?
Dad: Yea. Why? Did you guys hide them again?
It was one of those rare days at college where my friend Gerald and I had gotten out of class and we had nothing to do.
We decided to hop on a college tour just for fun and see what happens. I attempted to ask questions that would help the tour, but Gerald was asking very weird obvious joke questions.
We get to the chapel and Gerald asks “yeah, does this chapel have the necessary alter I need to make my many sacrifices?”
And then this dad next to me, living his daddest life, without missing a beat, turns to me and says: “The tuition is the sacrifice, am I right?”
Made an account just to share this. My dad is paraplegic--he broke his neck at a college wrestling tournament when he was 19. There's a story my mom always tells about him that just sums up how he can be so lighthearted even in the darkest of circumstances.
During his long stay at the hospital immediately after his injury, a nurse checks in on him, making sure his condition hasn't gotten any worse.
She asks, "Can you hear okay?"
He says, totally deadpan, "No, I can see fine."
Even then, lying in a hospital bed after a life-altering injury, my dad couldn't give up an opportunity to make someone laugh.
Situation: My wife was having a conversation about the Oscars, and Pharrell Williams was mentioned.....
Dad: So, is that Will Ferrel's alter-ego?
We are at a wedding, the bride and groom have yet to walk down the alter when I look at my father...
Me: "Crap. How much time do I have to go to the bathroom?"
Dad: "Pee now or forever hold your piss."
All veteran fathers rapidly blew air from their noses.
You've changed. You're altered.
My wife asked me why I needed to go get a new suit, for a wedding next weekend, tonight instead of next week.
I told her that if I bought it next week, I'd be "cutting it close" with getting the alterations done in time.
My girlfriend is having her bridesmaid dress altered, but they pushed back the finish date. The wedding is next week.
I looked at her and said, "That's cutting it close."
It hit so hard that she might be pregnant (I'm not a dad).
He said "so, so..."
The gamma radiation altered his jeans.
