We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a sick bird from Mars?

An ill Eagle alien

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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What did Daryl say to Greg when four regular folks descend from a UFO?

I never expected to see pair a normal beings when I started studying alien aircraft, you follow, G?

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
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An alien came down to Earth the other day, stepped out of his spaceship and said, "G'day cobber! Let's start a barby and throw some shrimp on! Strewth!".....

....he was an Austr-alien

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KCL80
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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According to official NASA documents they have Aliens on the ISS.

They also have Alien, Alien 3 and Alien Resurrection - all on DVD.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imaginator127
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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What do you call a fight between a Martian and a nerd with no social life?

Alien versus Redditor.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
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Bum me up!

Years ago I thought my β€œcommunicator” would be used to beam me aboard my ship, or call for assistance in case of hostile aliens. Instead, it reminds me to take out the trash and that my colonoscopy is due.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
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My son convinced my sisters to sneak into Canada and start a garden.

It's his Alien Aunt Farm.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tsaot
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
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Juice joke

Long ago there was an ancient alien civilization called the Capri. The Capri weren’t humanoid creatures in fact they most resembled a juice pouch. Their planet was under attack and so out of desperation two Capri sent their alien child to earth. After a long ride the baby landed on earth. The Capri was soon found be two loving parents and was raised like a regular child. After his first day at school he came home and said to his dad β€œDad, why am I not like the other kids”. The dad looked at him and said β€œbecause you’re a Capri, son”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TropicalWin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
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I've created a monster

My 7 year old daughter calls me: " Dad, can you help me with..."

” I'm not your Dad" β€” I interrupt trying the daily dad joke– "I'm an alien, an my friends kidnapped your Dad"

7y old daughter: "you mean... he was Dadnapped"

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drneck
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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===Four in one! Deal of a lifetime!===

My dad has trained me in the art of bad puns, and I have put that training to good use. I have four jokes in one post that are guaranteed to knock your socks off! (And maybe kill off a few brain cells)

Onto the jokes!

Lizards are never unprepared, they’ve been ready from the gecko!

How do aliens call each other? SpaceTime!

Student: Can I have a can of mutton? Teacher: I don’t know, can ewe?

What do musicians do when they get angry? Nothing, they keep their composer!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fro-Ro
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
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Alien waterfowl

"Help I've been captured by alien waterfowl!"

"You mean ab-duck-ted?"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlastLeatherwing
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
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Why haven't the Aliens visited our Solar System yet?..

Why haven't the Aliens visited our Solar System yet ?

They looked at the reviews .. Only 1 star.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ELKakashi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2018
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Need some help. Life's been difficult.

My family/town has socially alienated me for my sexuality. This has lead to quite a couple of problems, as you could imagine.

I've been behind on my taxes for quite a bit and it was only a matter of time before the government found out. They've been having a field day confiscating all my belongings.

That leaves me on the street.

I make enough money panhandling and doing under the table stuff to get me food every day and even enough to pay for an unlimited data plan, which I'm using to write this.

I need support. I can't continue on like this.

Life's not easy.

Especially if you're a homelessexual like me.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PsychedOutToast
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
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In space, two aliens are talking to each other.

The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the Earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."

The second alien asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"

The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have them aimed at themselves"

πŸ‘︎ 282
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MeowMixSong
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2017
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I have this recurring dream that E.T. tackles me, puts grey tape on my belly, and runs away.

I keep getting ab-duct-taped by aliens.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2018
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What do you call when an illegal immigrant and a pedophile get into a fight?

Alien vs Predator

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UsedToothpick
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
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No one should be surprised that President Trump wants to make a Space Force

He's told us all along that he wants to protect the U.S from illegal aliens

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZebCarter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2018
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So, at the dinner table someone asked why we need a space force.

My son just grinned and said to stop the illegal aliens.

I have never been so proud.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonnyprophet
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
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close encounter

one day, an alien appliance company named "Closen" decided to create a new and improved counter. Their plan was to create a slogan for it like "so good, even the humans like it!". But, they did need a human opinion. So, they abducted a human from Earth and introduced it to him.

"What do you think?" they translate to him. He shakes his head.

"Not for me, really".

Defeated, the aliens send him back down to Earth. As he reappears, many people surround him.

"Oh my goodness, are you ok? what happened?" They all screamed. He smiled, reassuring them.

"It's alright, it was just a Closen counter"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kittypawprints4me
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2018
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[request] Conspiracy theory jokes/puns

I'm making a very silly game based on conspiracy theories. Chemtrails, flat-Earthers, aliens that kind of thing.

I need a ton of jokes and puns. Plz help.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2018
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I was on a date once....

...and we had premade salads from the supermarket. She said that when she was a kid she thought that peas were from space cause of their colour. (there were peas in her salad)

So I said, maybe that is why Aliens say we come in peas...

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Viggo128
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2016
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Sat down to watch arrival with my wife...

She asks "Is this one of those alien movies?"

To which I answer: "No, it was made by humans."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/readitour
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2017
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Took my daughter fishing and she asked "why do you throw some of the bait in the water?"

I replied "just giving them a taste, soon they'll be begging for us to HOOK them up"

After I said it, we both laughed for a few minutes and I knew I had to share it with you guys.

Thank you to the Disney employee that noticed my Reddit alien shirt last week and suggested r/dadjokes. I forgot how entertaining this group is :)

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MashedPotatoh
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2015
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My wife came up with this classic - What do you call a sick bird from Mars?

An ill eagle alien

Our five year old animal enthusiast obviously didn't get it, but she was very proud of herself for making it up.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dbjp
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2014
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Was walking the dog this morning.

I figured out that our heeler is part alien, because he leaves crap circles instead of crop circles.

(he gets so excited on walks that he doesn't "squat still", instead going in a circle)

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jehannum_505
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2016
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Alien Dadjoke

"They just found an early draft to the film Alien.

Ash: I can't find the milk, Ellen.

Ripley: In space no-one can. Here, use cream."

Classic midnight text from dad.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mezolithic
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2013
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To a coworker

Talking about books.

Her: "Have you heard of the Annals of the HeeChee? Terrible books I read as a kid. Aliens who live in a black hole."

Me: "Sounds dense."

Her: "It wasn't too bad, it was--oh."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jp_in_nj
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2015
🚨︎ report
Girlfriend got me during Guardians of the Galaxy

Talk about the alien race called the kree

Me: The Kree were on the agents of shield tv show

Gf: That's Kree-zy

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MattAzrael
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2014
🚨︎ report
I'm a Dad, and this is my joke...

Did you hear about the Martian Avian vet?

I guess he's an "ill-eagle" alien...

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/illiteret
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2015
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fight between E.T. and a nerd with no social life?

Alien vs Redditor.

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Terrible OC Joke

What does the band C&C Music Factory and Ancient Aliens have in common?

Things that make you go Hmmmm... .. . ... . . .

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eddsned
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
A human is on a alien space ship alone in a cage. An alien guard sees him and puts another human in the cage along with him.

Human asks β€œwhy didnt you leave me in the cage alone?”

Alien says β€œi didnt want to alienate you”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mundo_Official
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
🚨︎ report
An Alien walks in a butcher shop and the butcher says"We don't serve aliens here!"

The alien said "That's fine, is the human fresh?"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/inkjetlabel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
🚨︎ report
If an illegal immigrant gets into a fight with a child molester...

Is it alien vs predator?

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brendonaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
🚨︎ report
While talking about my brother...

Me: Dad, I think he's an alien.

Dad: But he isn't from Mexico.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iz_gurl
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2015
🚨︎ report

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