But I’m a big fan.
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Accounts Payable Administrator_______________Imelda Czechs
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Accounts Payable Clerk, Moscow Office__________Dasha Chekhov
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Air-Quality Monitor _________________________Carmine Dioxide
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Caffeine Addiction Counselor__________________Bruno Moore
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Chief Legal Counsel_________________________ Hugh Louis Dewey of Dewey, Cheetham & Howe
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Cliche Monitor_____________________________Saul Wellingood
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Clothing Designer__________________________Hugh Jass
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Credit Counselor___________________________Max Stout
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Director of Purchasing_______________________Lois Bidder
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Director of Pavlovian Research________________Isabelle Ringing
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Divorce Attorney___________________________Carmine Nottyors
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Dog Trainer_______________________________Don Chase Katz
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Ebay Specialist____________________________Selma Junkoff
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Head of Security___________________________Barb Dwyer
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Global Economics Forecaster_________________Helena Handbasket
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Marine Biologist___________________________Frieda Wales
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Father-in-Law Liaison_______________________Royal Payne Diaz
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Mother-in-Law Liaison______________________Stella Payne Diaz
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Official Spokesperson_______________________Howie Vasive
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Restroom Attendants_______________________Trudy Door & Donna Hall
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Russian Chauffeur__________________________Picov Andropov
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Scout Leader______________________________Lawson D. Woods
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Shop Foreman_____________________________Luke Bizzy
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Staff Intuitionist____________________________Ivan Inkling
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Used Car Salesman_________________________Alexis Itznot
Full list can be found here: http://www.cartalk.com/content/staff-credits
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
- Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
- It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
- What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
- Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
- Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
- Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
- If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
- Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
- Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
- American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
- The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
- Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
- Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
- Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
- Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
- Rittal me this, Batman!
- Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
- Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
- If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
- When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
- You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
- Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
- Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
- Don't think Seton is
My sister and I share an office working in the family business. This morning she turned to me and said, "Did you hear that Wisconsin got a new slogan for their license plates?"
"They did?" I say, as I immediately bring up Google and start looking up Wisconsin license plates.
"Yeah," She says with a grin. "It's 'Come smell our dairy air.'"
This was followed by lots of laughing and immediately calling family to share this new, glorious joke.
