Someone Placed Scatological Humor Above Puns on a Humor Hierarchy Today
I would've complained, but it seemed like more of a fecal matter.
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︎ Aug 14 2020
This pun is a Cut above the rest
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︎ Dec 16 2020
A guy walks into a bar to find pieces of meat hanging above himβ¦
He asks the barman about it and the barman explains, βIf you can jump up and hit one, youβll get a free drink, but if you miss, you have to buy everyone a round!β
The guy looks up and ponders for a minute then replies, βNah, the steaks are too high.β
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︎ Dec 22 2020
So my daughter is clearing the table and holds her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
I've never been prouder.
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︎ Apr 03 2020
Me: My wife injured herself lifting a brick reservoir above her head three days ago.
Coworker: How is she today?
Me: She's still holding up well.
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︎ Oct 02 2020
What is the weather always like above Google's headquarters?
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︎ Sep 25 2020
A cut above
Everyone was so excited at the Autopsy club.....
It was open Mike night.
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︎ Jul 05 2020
A chemical warehouse was robbed at gunpoint, the assailants cleaned out all stores of substances with pH above 7.
"All your base are belong to us"
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︎ Dec 10 2019
"Ho, ho, ho," the jolly bastard mused, unaware I'd been slinking in the shadows for days, ready to unleash my revenge. I'd memorized his patterns, followed his every move, and had set the perfect trap. Down the chimney, ensnared by my noose, and left hanging above the fireplace; I got what I wanted.
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︎ Mar 05 2020
I was queuing up to get into the supermarket yesterday. Dwayne Johnson was in front of me. Behind me was a fish holding the trolley above his head!
I was between The Rock and a hard Plaice
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︎ Apr 10 2020
Iβm opening a butchers shop above a hotel.
Itβs a cut above the rest.
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︎ Jan 19 2020
Thereβs an air base in Massachusetts. Iβve flown above it a few times
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︎ Dec 18 2019
This joke is Head & Shoulders above the rest.
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︎ Jan 23 2018
What do you call a herd of cows above an earthquake?
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︎ Apr 04 2019
If, above all, I protect my own ass first, does that make me.. Asgardian?
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︎ May 15 2019
The mayor of Cowville hosted a citywide celebration of their milk. At the opening ceremony the mayor stood proudly above a pool of milk to show the exceptional quality. Unfortunately as he left the stage he fell into the pool of milk. The townsmen quickly rescued him and asked if he was okay:
"Yes", he said, "I'm all-white".
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︎ Aug 24 2019
I live in an apartment building, and my neighbour, Nami, on the floor above me, managed to flood my entire apartment! There are practically tidal waves in my kitchen. She refuses to pay for the cleanup, too.
I don't know if this was the right choice, but I decided to tsunami.
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︎ Oct 29 2019
Since vampires are supposedly hurt by holy water, I always wondered why priests donβt just say a prayer over every storm cloud, kill the vampires from above. Then I realized why there are so many vampires from Europe...
Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa.
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︎ Aug 06 2018
When the guy working above you pass the best parts to you.
That's hands down the best.
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︎ Oct 28 2019
What do you call two guys above a window?
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︎ Sep 10 2019
What do orcs want above anything else?
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︎ Jan 07 2019
If you're in a plane above LA...
What happens if you are in a plane above Los Angeles, and when you look out the window there are no clouds beneath you?U C L A
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︎ Oct 10 2019
As a child I lived above the local school...
I was always the top of my class.
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︎ Oct 11 2019
Iβve been self isolating with coronavirus
Above all, Iβve found it tough to stay positive.
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︎ Nov 02 2020
My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
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︎ Oct 22 2020
Recent Trip to the Grocery Store
I was just in a checkout line at the grocery store and the man behind me was going on and on in broken English about being from some Neo-Mediterranean superpower. He got my attention, pointed to a newspaper above the belt, and asked what it was. I replied βItβs the Times, New Roman.β
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︎ Oct 08 2020
If you haven't heard of the latest trends, then Dwaine Johnson must be living above you
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︎ May 14 2019
Wife: Iβm thinking about getting my hair cut above my shoulders. Maybe a long bob.
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︎ May 30 2019
I'd say this liquor is miles above the rest.
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︎ Jan 08 2019
What's the opposite of bologna?
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︎ Jul 22 2020
At my local hotel right above the pancake machine.
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︎ Dec 28 2018
The 7ft tall butcher lifted his fillets above his head.
The steaks have never been higher.
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︎ Jun 07 2019
I've got a friend who is really punching above his weight.
His girlfriend's fucking massive.
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︎ May 17 2019
Anyone heard of that basketball player... Druff or something?
I think his first name is Dan.
They say heβs Head & Shoulders above the competition...
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︎ Sep 16 2020
I was backing out of the parking lot earlier when I backed into a car! The driver was only 3 feet tall....!
He got out of the car and started waving his hands above his head! He kept yelling "I'm not Happy, I'm not Happy!"
So, I got out and yelled back, "Well, which one are you!?"
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︎ Sep 26 2020
My wife always leaves the fan above the stove on.
Every day, I'm the one who ends up getting up and turning it off.
It's exhausting.
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︎ Jun 02 2019
My son asked why i climbed above the constitution
I said that I wanted to be above the law
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︎ Apr 10 2019
When you ejaculate on a woman keep it above the ankles.
You don't want to get off on the wrong foot.
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︎ Apr 17 2019
Have you guys seen the International space station??
Its out of this world!
How it works is above me!
Someone tried to explain it to me but it flew right above my head!
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︎ Jul 29 2020
If the bed above mine is removed, does that mean my theory about my brother falling on me in the night is debunked?
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︎ Dec 12 2018
Two buddies decide to go ice-fishing one day.
So they get their parkas and snow boots, fishing rods and ice auger, and everything else they need, and go out to find a good spot.
Just as they start to drill a hole in the ice, they hear a great booming voice from above: "There are no fish here!"
"What was that?"
"It sounded like the voice of God!"
"Well let's try somewhere else."
They move away a bit, and settle down to try again. But before they can even start to drill, they hear it again:
"There are no fish here!"
So they pack up and move even farther down the ice. Surely this will be a good spot. But just as they pull out the auger, the voice booms out again:
"Listen you guys, I'm the manager of this ice rink, and I'm telling you there are no fish here!"
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︎ Aug 18 2020
What do you call two thin guys hanging on your wall above a window ...
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︎ Sep 26 2019
What do you call two guys hanging above a window?
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︎ Aug 12 2019
What do you call two guys above a window?
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︎ Jun 29 2019
Recent Trip to the Grocery Store
I was just in a checkout line at the grocery store and the man behind me was going on and on in broken English about being from some Neo-Mediterranean superpower. He got my attention, pointed to a newspaper above the belt, and asked what it was. I replied βItβs the Times, New Roman.β
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︎ Oct 08 2020
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