I believe instead of 911 or 112, in case of a medical emergency you should call 12345678
Because that's the proper First Aid number
What do you call a tree that has feathers instead of leaves?
My wife said, “Why don’t you write a book instead of your stupid word play jokes?”
I said, “That’s.....a novel idea.”
Did you hear that they're replacing two letters of the alphabet? Instead of T, you have to say "Clowns". Instead of V, you need to say "Jokers". I refuse to use them, but I was singing the alphabet when they changed them, so I have a problem...
Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with U.
What happens when you call 119 instead of 911?
The cop car comes in reverse
What do you call a waterfall that goes up instead of down ?
Did you hear about the two men who snorted curry powder instead of cocaine?
One of them has a dodgy tikka and the other is in a korma.
What do you call a guy that herds reindeer instead of cattle?
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
You know why they call it jelly instead of jam?
Because it's so hard to get it in the jar.
What do you call the risk of tipping $50 instead of $5?
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
Have you heard what Japan have instead of alphabet soup?
What do you call a unicorn with a corn cob instead of a horn
You know why theater people say "break a leg" instead of good luck?
Because if you do, you'll end up in a cast!
What do you call a crazy person that doesn’t say any words and makes sounds instead?
Doing math homework, huh? I don't understand why you use fractions instead of decimals.
Her: what took you long? Me: you dont say. I just had a chat with our son bout how he should be wearing a proper underwear instead of diapers,
It was just a brief discussion.
My friend developed a video streaming app that rejects every choice you make, and plays random Russian videos instead.
Sometimes I get tyred of normal jokes and make puns instead. They are quick, easy, and don't put you under pressure. Sometimes, they can be very flat. They can be as light as air, or as heavy as steel. All in all, puns really punp me up!
[Visual pun] This is what happens when you go to a cobbler instead of a ferrier
Do you know why cows have hooves instead of feet?
Peeking at birds instead of you
Have you ever wondered why it’s better to shake paint instead of stirring?
Because this way, it will bond better
If you're lesbian. Wouldn't you be more-bie instead of less-bie.
Please don't be offended by this, I'm a lesbian myself.
People get easily offended that's why I'm saying this
What do you call bees that make milk instead of honey?
What do you call a guy in a rowboat, but instead of oars he’s using a ski pole and ski?
Did you hear the joke about the koala bear who preferred to steep its eucalyptus leaves in water instead of eating them?
It's a koala tea joke.
(Variation of other koala jokes I've heard).
Made a dadjoke instead of a sale. Wooden you?
We sell wooden soap dishes, made of various kinds of wood, as part of our business. When I get asked which is our best seller, I pick one up and say "This one is real poplar."
Have you heard the people who pronounce 'Pangea' with a hard 'g' instead of the soft one?
For the confused, I'm talking about consonantal drift.
What do you call a tornado that gives things instead of taking them away?
What's that medical condition where you can't sleep and you eat all night instead?
You know why I call my toilet jim instead of john.
So I can tell people I went to the gym before work.
Have you ever wanted to play Photoshop battles? But with puns instead?? Well look no further!!...
...fundarnmental_ePuns are here.
(https://www.reddit.com/r/Fundarnmental_ePuns/)
Now you can submit all the willy wittiest photos wordplay for all the world to see!!
This looked like a good place to x-link this, hope I don't get punished for it...
What do you call a guy who insists on seeing a masseur instead of a masseuse?
You can walk instead. -_-
So I never really had a father figure nor Have I ever met my dad but this was something a friend said to me that definitely would be a dad joke. Happened on LoL
Friend: Hey
Me: Sup
Friend: Nm, want to play a couple games?
Me: Uh, Give me like 20-30 minutes got to run up to the store.
Friend: Alright, you can walk though.
Me: -_- Thanks Dad!
What do you call a guy who uses super glue instead of lube with his girl friend?
A man trapped in a woman's body.
Was told you would like this: As kids on the way to McDonald's, my father used to torment us to the point of tears by telling us we were going to the fictional Wong's House of Liver instead...
This is what I got him for Christmas this year:
http://i.imgur.com/3luzi1J.jpg
My wife: Why don’t you stop telling terrible Dad jokes and write a book instead?
Me: That’s.....a novel idea.
My wife just told me, “Why don’t you write a book instead of your stupid word play jokes?”
I said, “That’s ...... a novel idea.”
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was a rude awakening.
Her: Why don’t you write a book instead of your stupid word play jokes?
Me: That’s a.....novel idea.
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