Dr. Dre-idel
Chello!
Alternatively:
What is Yo-Yo Ma's favorite dairy dessert?
Chello pudding!
Mississippi
My 3 year old brother came up to me (and everyone else in the house several times each) to tell a joke he made up (translated from Turkish but works in English anyway).
3yo: Do you need to go to the bathroom (a question we ask him frequently)?
Me: No
3yo: Are you sure?
Me: Yes?
3yo: Oh, hi Sure!
A tongue depressor.
I responded βBut youβre not a freezer.β
I could feel the eye roll down the street.
I think to myself βOh I used to say this jokeβ. So in my best pirate voice I laugh and say, βR!β
Smirking, my 6 yo replies, βAye, youβd think so, but it βtis the C!β
Proud moment right there folks!
Her: Dad, what does gay means? Me: Gay means happy, kid. Her : Are you gay dad? Me: No! I married your Mom.
My wife: That's a repost!
Word.
Friend 1: "Aw thats too(two) dad"
Itβs getting out of hand.
Cause there ain't no rest for the wicked.
Kylo Wren
His name was Sherlock, holmes.
Donald Trumpβs gonna use her for his border wall.
Friend: NaBrO
B: "Hey dad, how many animals can jump higher than a building?"
Me: "I Don't know."
B: "All of them, buildings can't jump."
Me: ΰ² _ΰ²
Me (rather pleased): "Really?" Her: "Yes. Would you like it back?"
Me: Heads up, you have a package arriving today with your name on it. You have permission to open it today ππ
Him: Ok. Is the tree a hint or just a christmassy thing? I donβt need a treeπ²
Me: Just a christmassy thing. We didnβt send you a tree.
Him: Great. I wouldnβt want to accuse you of tree, son π€
Me: Oooof
Him: I was trying to branch out into political humor but it didnβt take root so I guess Iβll leaf it there
Me: You donβt know when to quit, do you?
Him: I wooden know about that
Ad YourMominem!
Him: I like to start off my showers with cold water. Me: Really? You take cold showers? For how long? Him: Just until the water warms up. Then I get in.
...well done, son. Well done.
the server asks if it's going to be separate checks, or one.
After his baseball game, we picked up some take-out food for the family. Driving home and now dark, he and I see three people walking along the shoulder of our street, all wearing dark clothes. I almost hit one of them. I say, shaking my head, "Look at these idiots, wearing dark clothes at night...someone's gonna get run over."
He replies, from the back seat, "Yeah...they're not too bright."
Because she's a sweet lady with a great sense of humour.
Why did the tree cross the road?
...
Because it fell.
4yo: βyep!β
Me: blows on childβs nose.
4yo: eyeroll
... I have to say, I find his work very up and down.
Son: Dad, what are flying pigs actually called?
Me: I think they're just called flying pigs.
Son: No, it's a Pigasus!
Needless to say, I was very proud. Even my wife laughed.
I'd probably suggest going to the restaurant on Sullivan, they catch and prepare deer fresh daily.
Daughter: Do we have any more wrapping paper?
Me: Nope, mom used the last of it. You'll have to use hip-hopping paper instead.
