My boss always laughed at my jokes at work but since the pandemic she never laughs at them in Zoom chats. I asked her why doesn't she laugh at them anymore.
She replied, "Because your jokes aren't remotely funny."
I know a friend who always thinks one step ahead in his work
He’s a carpenter & makes stairs.
At work I reduce the spice level in food.
What gets longer when pulled, fits between breasts, inserts snugly in a tight hole and works best when pulled.
When I was younger I had to work in a cheap pizza shop to get by.
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop
I offered to carpool with the security guy this week but I totally forgot to pick him up this morning. When he got to work later her was furious and punched me in the back of the head.
It’s my own fault, I’ll never let my guard down again.
Which Star Wars character works in a restaurant?
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
What do you call an alligator interested in detective work?
Like in Star Wars, things will work out for you
With Luke on your side.
Always look on the light side of the life force.
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
I use to work in a liquorice factory.
My wife works in animal medicine and rolled her eyes at me. "Where does a vet who specializes in neutering live?"
What kind of rabbit works in the dentists office?
I work as a tattoo artist in a wellness center making very specific designs and everyone get really surprised when I tell them that I'm also a doctor...
Nobody expects the Spa Niche Ink Physician.
We got a new microwave at work. After heating my food for the first time in the new microwave I go to my colleagues and say to them "I just cut my fingers on the new microwave!"
They all startled "what happened?"
I reply "it's Sharp!"
They murmured something and left the room...
Why can't DJ's find work in the seafood industry?
Because they are always dropping the bass
I work as a librarian in a prison
The job has its prose and cons.
Which movie director like to work in 3D?
My dad's sister works in a Paris bakery and hates it.
My friend works in IT and I asked him, “How do you make a motherboard?”
He said, “I usually tell her about my job.”
I havent read a book in ages. So i decided to start with a book of how clocks work.
I’m in charge of the reader board at work
I was having problems with the printer at work last week and I had to ring the engineer. I told him that I kept putting paper in to the printer but the display kept saying it just can't get enough...
The engineer said "ah yes.... it's stuck in Depeche Mode"....
I'm getting bored of hearing these Olympic athletes say .. 'how much work they've put in and the sacrifices they've made.'
What do they want a medal?
I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop.
I can’t do good work in Excel without getting compliments,
I really need the validation.
My Dad works in the ceiling fan industry
I finally went to talk to the super cute girl who works in the Egyptian super market.
Her: What can I do for you?
Me: I'm looking for a date.
Her: Oh, what kind of dates?
Me: Uhmm, just dinner and a movie :)
I work in a sauce factory and saw an old friend of mine
I walked over to him and said, " Hey! haven't seen you in a really long time! Let's Ketchup!"
My brother who works in a tannery has gone missing. We haven't seen hair nor hide of him.
A man came in my tech repair shop complaining his nail had damaged his windows laptop and was concerned it wouldn't work anymore
I told him not to worry- he's only scratched the surface
What do you call a woman who works in a sunbed salon?
Local TV weatherman breaks all of his limbs but insists on coming in to work...
...tune in at 11, to see his four-casts.
In recent news, a giant had a troubling discovery when he returned home from work.
After discovering he'd been given a parking ticket, the giant exclaimed in disappointment as he approached his house. This startled a burglar inside, causing him to flee from the property but not before trapping his stubby digit in the door, causing him to leave blood at the scene. Thankfully, the giant's powerful nasal abilities allowed him to aid police as he was able to detected the exact nationality and gender of the robber in question. When interviewed, the giant simplified the story for us by saying,
"Fee, Fie, Foe, Thumb, I smell the blood of an English Man."
I stole a mixer from the kitchen in work today
It was a whisk i was willing to take
I used to work in a small infantry division that lost its heavy artillery budget...
...It really was a tankless job.
A guy in work asked why my son had given up his flying lessons.
I told him pilot jobs aren't really taking off at the moment.
I work in electrical wholesale and this is particularly apt.
Why can’t DJs find work in the seafood industry?
Because they are always dropping the bass.
What do you call a woman who works in a suntan salon ?
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