Winters (name) Puns

One of the natives asks him if it's going to be a cold winter. Takoda, being a new chief, doesn't know the tricks of determining the weather from the animals, clouds, trees, etc. but he also doesn't want to look naive so he says "yes I think it's going to be cold, so gather some wood." The townspeople thus head out to get wood.

When all the townspeople leave, the chief calls the weather station and asks if it's going to be a cold winter in Nyuktuk. The guy at the weather office says "hold on a second." He comes back and says "yes it appears like it will be a cold winter."

When the townspeople come back Takoda says to them "it's going to be a colder weather than I first thought. Go gather more wood."

So the townspeople head out to get more wood. But the chief is still not sure. So he calls back the weather station and asks if they are sure. The weatherman says "one second" then comes back on and says "it's definitely going to be a cold winter." So when the townspeople return, Chief Takoda tells them to go out and gather all the wood they can find.

But after they all the townspeople leave, the chief is still not sold. So he calls the weather station and asks if they are sure it's going to be cold in Nyuktuk. The weatherman says that not only will it be cold but it likely will be one of the coldest winters on record. "But how do you know?" the chief asks. The weatherman says "because the Indians are gathering wood like crazy."

He's in a butter place now

Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.

3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.

5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.

A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. “I’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. “Sorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. “You’re out of your head.”

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'

A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.

A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. “We don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. “Why not?” one yogurt asks. “We’re cultured.”

A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.

A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.

A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”

A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, “What’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, “Arrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Armed robbers—some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.

Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.

Can February March? No, but April May!

Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!

Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.

Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape

"No, honey, that is snow."

"My sweet, that is a wonderful rain," he said.

"You are not smart. That is snow!" she exclaimed.

He replied, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

One cold winter's morning he was walking along a country road, when he heard a cry for help from a nearby lake.

He turned to see a little girl struggling in the broken ice in the middle of the lake. She'd been skating and had fallen into the icy water. Without a moment's hesitation the tramp ran onto the ice and slipped and slided over to the little girl. He managed to pull her out without breaking the ice further and he carried her back to the road.

He took off his coat and wrapped the little girl in it and began looking for a car to flag down. A few moments later a huge chauffeur-driven limo pulled up, and who stepped out but the little girl's father - the mayor of the nearby town and a multi-millionaire.

"How can I ever thank you sir?" says the father after putting his daughterinto the warmth of the limo.

"Just name your price - I'm a wealthy man."

"Ahem, well ..." stammered the tramp "...eh I'm a little short of cash, perhaps you could help me out"

"Certainly" says the girl's father and he pulls out his wallet.

"Oh dear" says the father, "I don't carry much cash with me, I only have ten dollars - but come home with me and I'll get more from the safe"

"No! No!" says the tramp, "Why ten dollars is more money than I've seen in my whole life - that will be plenty".

"Well, if you insist" says the father - "now what will you do with your money?"

"Oh that's easy" says the tramp "I've not had a rest in 20 years. I think I'll buy myself a holiday"

"Well good luck" says the father, and he gets into the car and signals his chauffeur to drive home.

"Ten Dollars" thinks the tramp, "I'm rich! I'm rich!", and off he goes to the town, to buy himself a holiday.

He finds a travel agent, walks in - much to the disgust of the staff - and goes up to the desk.

"I'll have one holiday please!"

"Ahem, which holiday would sir like" asked the girl at the desk, forcing a smile.

"Oh, any holiday I don't mind" replied the tramp.

"Well how much money does sir have to spend on sir's holiday?"

"Oh lots - anything up to ten dollars"

"TEN DOLLARS!! You'll never get a holiday for ten dollars" says the girl incredulously.

"Oh dear" said the tramp, "and I was so looking forward to a holiday - I'll probably never get another chance - isn't there anything you can do?"

"Well I don't think so sir, but hold on and I'll check"

The girl goes into the back of the shop, and searches in the deepest, dustiest filing drawers she can find. There - to her amazement -

The man replied, “Why thank you kind sir, but my name’s not Frost.”

Then, when winter comes, I’d call him “Hi, bear Nate!”

Except for winter, summer and autumn...

Exchange between my parents last winter.

Dad: Boys are better than girls

Mom: That's not true

Dad: Boys can write their names in the snow

Mom: So can girls

Dad: (Without missing a beat) Only if her name is Dot

It's either pictures of birds or things like these:

"Did you hear about the hipster who burnt his tongue? He ate pizza way before it was cool!"

"I heard they found that girl Amber who was missing." (There was an Amber alert in MD that day)

"Know what happens when you take "the" out of psychotherapist."

"If life gives you melons, You might be dyslexic."

"Six more weeks of winter isn't so bad when you consider the official first day of spring is seven weeks away."

"At first, I hated the speed bump they put in my front street... But I'm slowly getting over it."

"Why is it impossible for a horse to major in philosophy? You can't put DeCartes before the horse!"

"Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank gourmet coffee before it was cool."

"Q. How many Surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. Fish"

"I was going to take all of my old watches and hook them together to make a belt... But then I realized that would be a waist of time."

"Why all the fuss about the Redskins changing their name.

Just change the mascot to a Potato.

Then it's not only un-offensive but delicious."

"I think the NSA is spying on me. They're leavesdropping in my yard."

Bonus picture status

I'm doing a hitch hiking face across Europe this winter. There are 60 teams and a prize for the best team name. The race finishes in Prague and I can't think of a name! Anyone got any ideas?

The first couple days of winter have really delivered for us, and it's cold and snowy where we are. My dad walked over to the window where the thermometer is and the following conversation ensued:

Dad: Let's see what Arthur says.

Me: You named the thermometer Arthur? Why?

Dad: Arthur-mometer!

I rarely walk into those setups so easily and he was so pleased with himself.

Stepdad: What's another name for the Winter Olympics?

Me: What?

Stepdad: White people Olympics.

I said 'be careful, she might leave you.'

He did not get it at first, so I had to repeat myself a couple of times...but I would have done that anyway.

They had three daughters named Winter, Spring, and Summer. The fourth was a son named Paul.