From Endgame until Sam Wilson took up the shield, the MCU lost its greatest hero.

No Cap.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bennekles23
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2021
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Ms Wilson, Australian star of the Pitch Perfect movies has announced she no longer believes in Santa.

She is a Rebel without a Claus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kouroshkeshavarz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
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Police chief: "Why did you arrest Steve Carell, Rainn Wilson, John Krasinski, Jenna Fischer, B. J. Novak, and Ed Helms?"

Deputy: "They were impersonating an office, sir."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wimpykidfan37
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
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What's Owen Wilson's favorite video game?

WoW.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Craftninja7
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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Wade Wilson changed profession and got a new nickname:

He is now the taxidriver known as Carpool.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/midy-dk
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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What is Owen Wilson's favorite Post Malone song?

Wow

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lilkid96
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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Matt Murdock challenged Wilson Fisk, or, one can say...

Daredevil dared evil!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ksdesh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
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Me when people ask me thoughts on that new musical with rebel Wilson in it
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Themaleslayer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
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I was offered a job at Wilson, but I'm not sure if I should take it or not..

I hear they make quite the Racket in the factory..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jminty-1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2018
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What did Wilson say to his son when they got lost in the woods?

If there is wilson there is a way son

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reynzs
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2018
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When people asked if he liked to cook, Louisianna chef Justin Wilson replied:

"Oh, cajunally"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/riffdex
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2015
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My housemates are convinced the house is haunted

I've been living here for 274 years and seen nothing strange.

πŸ‘︎ 140
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimalexp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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My middle name is Stevenson because my dads name is Steven and I’m his son.

So I guess you could say dad jokes are my middle name.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scottyboiii97
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
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One day, Kermit the Frog was a little short on cash, so he went to the bank to speak to a loan officer...

When he got there, a woman extended her hand.

"Good afternoon, sir," she said. "My name is Patricia Wack. How may I help you today?"

Kermit replied, "Hi-ho, Patricia! I'm Kermit the Frog, and I would like to borrow some money."

They walked over to her desk and sat down.

"Certainly, Mr. Frog--"

"Oh, just call me Kermit."

"Okay... Kermit. How much money would you like to borrow?"

"Ten thousand dollars."

Mildly surprised, Ms. Wack looked intently at Kermit.

"Do you have any references?"

"Well, I suppose I could use my father, Keith Richards."

Ms. Wack froze for a second, then...

"THE Keith Richards?"

"Oh, yes. In fact, he told me he's friends with your manager, which is why I came in here."

"Okay... Do you have any collateral?"

"Excuse me?"

"Collateral. Something of value, like a car, or a boat..."

"Oh, yes! I do have something. I have this."

Kermit reached into his briefcase and placed a small figurine on the desk. Patricia looked curiously at the object, then at our amphibious friend.

"What's this?"

"It's a Hummel."

"A what?"

"A Hummel. They're supposed to be quite valuable. Well, at least this one is to me."

She picked up the Hummel and stood up.

"If you don't mind, I would like to show this to the manager."

"Oh, no! I don't mind at all!"

So, Patricia took the Hummel to the manager's office, knocked on the door, and walked inside.

"Patricia! What can I do for you?"

"Mr. Wilson, there's this... frog named Kermit at my desk, and he wants to borrow $10,000, but he has only this for collateral."

Mr. Wilson looked at the Hummel, then out to her desk.

"I don't see anything out of order here."

"But, Mr. Wilson--"

"Look, it's a knick-knack, Patty Wack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
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My dad dropped this last night.

I was wearing Wilson socks, and they have a big 'W' on each of them.

Dad walks in and sees them:

"What does that stand for?....Weft and wight?"

Doubles over in laughter at his cleverness.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/positiveside
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2013
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Son to Dad: I desperately need some pocket protectors

Dad to Son: Yeah, you and Russell Wilson both

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ideomattic
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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Nihilist Dad Jokes

Why did the scarecrow win a prize? Because he stood alone in his field! He stood there for years, rotting, until he was forgotten.

I tell my kids, you’re allowed to watch the TV all you want… Just don’t turn it on! This way they will begin to understand the futility of all things.

How does a penguin build a house? Igloos it together. Like all animals, it is an automaton, driven by blind genetic imperative, marching slowly to oblivion.

Why don’t skeletons go trick or treating? They have no body to go with them! The skeletons are like us: alone, empty, dead already.

I don’t really like playing soccer. I just do it for kicks! Like all of humanity, I pretend to enjoy things, and others pretend to care about my charade.

You hear about the moon restaurant? Good food, no atmosphere! If you eat there, you forfeit your life, which would make no difference to the universe as a whole.

Why did the blonde focus on an orange juice container? It said concentrate! She realized that society’s depictions of her were like the juice: formulaic, insipid, fake.

My wife told me to put the cat out. I didn’t know it was on fire! By the time I could act, it was incinerated, a harbinger of the path we all must take.

How come the invisible man wasn’t offered a job? They just couldn’t see him doing it! This man stands for all of us: unseen, misunderstood, irrelevant.

Today I gave away my old batteries… Free of charge! No one wanted them, so I became angry and threw them in the yard. The battery acid now leaks into the soil, killing a colony of ants. A sparrow eats their bodies and is poisoned. Somewhere in the Serengeti, a lion devours his rival’s cubs. Then the lion is shot by a poacher and sold to an unloved rich man whose father was an unloved rich man. In five billion years, the Sun will become a bloated giant, boiling the oceans and consuming our pointless cruelties with flames. I wake sweat-drenched and screaming, staring at the visage of a faceless god. β€œWHAT HAVE I DONE?! HOW COULD I BRING A CHILD INTO THIS WORLD!?” But this god, like all gods, is nothingβ€”just my son’s Wilson baseball mitt, sitting on my dresser, mocking me.

Will February March? No, but April May! Soon we become ash, and time forgets us.

Source: https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/nihilist-dad-jokes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vorschlaghammer
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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This is just a list of 50 famous people but if they were birds.
  • George Washwington
  • Leonarcrow da Vinci
  • Eagle Allen Poe
  • Harry S. Toucan
  • Teddy Dodosevelt
  • Charles Duckens
  • Octavian Owlgustus
  • Flysaac Newton
  • Benchicken Franklin
  • Gullysses S. Grant
  • Vincent Van Goose
  • John Lhawk
  • Charlecrane
  • Pengthoven
  • Nikquaila Tesla
  • Jean-Jacques Roostsseau
  • Charles Darwren
  • Rheasus Christ
  • Broodha
  • King Loony XIV
  • Nenepoleon Bonaparte
  • Mahootma Gandhi
  • Winstint Churchill
  • Genghis Swan
  • Pladove
  • Aleggsander the Great
  • Paul the Apostail
  • Lark Twain
  • Dante Aliturkey
  • Michelangswallow
  • Cardinal Marx
  • Albatross Lincoln
  • Robin E. Lee
  • Adolf Swiftler
  • Alextanager Hamilton
  • Ibis Presley
  • Ronald Raven
  • Arnestotle
  • Emuhammad
  • Sir Francis Beakon
  • Tchaikovskylark
  • Christfowler Columbus
  • Finchard Nixon
  • Henry VIII
  • Albert Einstork
  • Thomas Jayfferson
  • William Shrikespeare
  • Woodcock Wilson
  • King Chorioles I of England
  • Johann Sebastian Flock

Edit: formatting

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πŸ‘€︎ u/captbodgers
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2014
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Adopted dad joke
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Harasoluka
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2016
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History Class Dad Joke

This was from high school before I became a dad, but I think it still qualifies.

My history teacher was lecturing on the Paris Conference following World War I. Specifically, he was discussing each of the world leaders in attendance and each of their aims for the treaty that would result from the conference.

He was going down the line of leaders and asking the class what each leader wanted in the treaty. For example, "Britain was represented by Prime Minister David Lloyd George. What did Mr. George want in the treaty?"

He got through Britain, France, and Italy, then he came to the United States, represented by President Woodrow Wilson.

He asked, "What did Mr. Wilson want?" I responded, "Dennis out of his life once and for all?"

He and I were the only people who laughed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/genericguy4
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2014
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What is Owen Wilson’s favorite game?

WoW

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Babyblu4321
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
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What’s Owen Wilson’s favorite game?

Wow!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiamondLegendz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
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Whats Owen Wilsons favorite video game?

Wow

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Saran-Wrap
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
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I wonder if Owen Wilson's favorite videogame is WoW
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wildezgaming
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2018
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What's Owen Wilson's favourite video game?

WoW

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πŸ“…︎ May 10 2018
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