I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.
Now I can’t tell if it’s 2B or not 2B.
Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams & Bruno Mars met in a bar...
But they didn't planet that way.
What do Jack the Ripper, Catherine the Great, William the Conqueror, and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Did you hear about the movie that follows a couple of chicken embryos, a Communist icon, and Sir William Wallace on a treasure hunt?
It's called Eggs, Marx, The Scot
Breaking News: Archaeologists believe that they've uncovered a cache of pencils that belonged to William Shakespeare. A spokesperson for the dig said they're so badly chewed on the ends,
we can't tell if they're 2B or not 2B.
Why was William fired as an bartender?
Because William Shakesbeer
Little known fact: William Tell and his wife were really good bowlers.
Nobody knows for whom the Tells bowled.
I got (Maggie) Reilly carried away.
William Shatner has discontinued his line of ladies lingerie.
Apparently Shatner panties was a poor choice of name.
Who is William DeFoe’s arch enemy?
We told my 7 y/o nephew that his dad was to go into surgery to get part of his colon removed, without skipping a beat my nephew said...
Does that mean dad's gonna have a semi-colon?
What do you call it when a 40 y/o woman wants to stop delivering babies for a living?
My 11 y.o. son getting ready for school: Why do you always keep your snowman happy?
So he doesn't have a meltdown.
I went to o the smallest airport.
The staff was nice but the food was a little plane
Dr William Archibald Spooner, the creator of spoonerisms was well known to be a smart fella.
How is Bill O'reilly like the Higgs Boson particle?
...Plenty of spin and regularly concerned with Mass.
My 12 y/o son asked me what madturbation is.
I replied "i don't know but it will come in handy"
William Shatner, Star Trek’s Captain Kirk, is said to be extremely disappointed after the collapse of his recently launched women’s underwear business...
Apparently, nobody was interested in buying ‘Shatner Panties’.
I was taught by my driving instructor to hold the steering wheel at 10 & 2 o clock
At other times i would just crash.
Did you hear that Vanessa Williams got robbed the other day?
They need to stop Robin Williams
It has recently been discovered that William Tell and his son belonged to a bowling league. But Swiss historians have not been able to determine the name of the league's sponsors.
We may never know for whom the Tells bowled.
Shaquille O’Neal got PTSD when learning how to play the drums
It happened every time he tried to do a rim shot.
How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. They're very efficient, and not particularly funny.
first time posting here. (not a dad, just a 17 y/o kid)
Every time this queer couple lied to their son, he would see right through them.
>they were trans-parent.
What starts with an “O” and ends with “nions” and sometimes make you cry?
What's your favorite Robin Williams movie?
Without a doubt, mine is Mrs. Fire.
Out-dadded by my 5 y/o niece
I'm staying at her mothers house, and she said, it's only 8:30 pm and everyone's already ready for bed.
My niece chimes in and says, "not me.", to which i respond, "You don't count."
Without missing a beat, she said, "Yes i do. One, two, three, four."
What did O say to Q?
Wear some underwear and stop flashing you pervert!
What do you call when you lit an 'O' on fire?
What kind of chairs do they use in Ireland?
Twitter meme s t o l e n from facebook
8 y/o, "Dad, what does the space needle sew?"
Me, "I dunno, what?"
Her, "The fabric of space time!"
She told me that while we were watching the new years show at the space needle lol.
William Otis showed his son his evolutionary invention.
He said, "Son, this is a ground breaking creation."
Why did Gilbert O'Sullivan go to the bank
A loan again, naturally.
My dad just came out with this on the sofa, not sure if he read it elsewhere but all the same he's very chuffed with himself.
Why does the rest of the Alphabet find A,E,I,O, and U so annoying?
I have a pencil that used to belong to William Shakespeare. He chewed it a lot.
Now, I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B!
Freddie Mercury, Bruno Mars and Venus Williams all walk into the same bar.
Did you know William Tell and his wife were bowlers?
Noone knows for whom the Tell's bowled.
Freddie Mercury, Bruno Mars, and Venus Williams all walk into the same bar.
Freddie Mercury, Bruno Mars and Venus Williams walk into a bar
I have a pencil that was owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.
I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.
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