Willa Muir Puns

"It seems so dreadful to stay a bachelor, to become an old man struggling to keep one's dignity while begging for an invitation whenever one wants to spend an evening in company, to lie ill gazing for weeks into an empty room from the corner where one's bed is, always having to say good night at the front door, never to run up a stairway beside one's wife, to have only side doors in one's room leading into other people's living rooms, having to carry one's supper home in one's hand, having to admire other people's children and not even being allowed to go on saying: 'I have none myself,' modeling oneself in appearance and behavior on one or two bachelors remembered from one's youth.

That's how it will be, except that in reality, both today and later, one will stand there with a palpable body and a real head, a real forehead, that is, for smiting on with one's hand."

Abagael Abagail Abbe Abbey Abbi Abbie Abby Abigael Abigail Abigale Abra Acacia Ada Adah Adaline Adara Addie Addis Adel Adela Adelaide Adele Adelice Adelina Adelind Adeline Adella Adelle Adena Adey Adi Adiana Adina Adora Adore Adoree Adorne Adrea Adria Adriaens Adrian Adriana Adriane Adrianna Adrianne Adrien Adriena Adrienne Aeriel Aeriela Aeriell Ag Agace Agata Agatha Agathe Aggi Aggie Aggy Agna Agnella Agnes Agnese Agnesse Agneta Agnola Agretha Aida Aidan Aigneis Aila Aile Ailee Aileen Ailene Ailey Aili Ailina Ailyn Aime Aimee Aimil Aina Aindrea Ainslee Ainsley Ainslie Ajay Alaine Alameda Alana Alanah Alane Alanna Alayne Alberta Albertina Albertine Albina Alecia Aleda Aleece Aleecia Aleen Alejandra Alejandrina Alena Alene Alessandra Aleta Alethea Alex Alexa Alexandra Alexandrina Alexi Alexia Alexina Alexine Alexis Alfie Alfreda Ali Alia Alica Alice Alicea Alicia Alida Alidia Alina Aline Alis Alisa Alisha Alison Alissa Alisun Alix Aliza Alla Alleen Allegra Allene Alli Allianora Allie Allina Allis Allison Allissa Allsun Ally Allyce Allyn Allys Allyson Alma Almeda Almeria Almeta Almira Almire Aloise Aloisia Aloysia Alpa Alta Althea Alvera Alvina Alvinia Alvira Alyce Alyda Alys Alysa Alyse Alysia Alyson Alyss Alyssa Amabel Amabelle Amalea Amalee Amaleta Amalia Amalie Amalita Amalle Amanda Amandi Amandie Amandy Amara Amargo Amata Amber Amberly Ambrosia Ambur Ame Amelia Amelie Amelina Ameline Amelita Ami Amie Amity Ammamaria Amy Ana Anabel Anabella Anabelle Anais Analiese Analise Anallese Anallise Anastasia Anastasie Anastassia Anatola Andee Andi Andie Andra Andrea Andreana Andree Andrei Andria Andriana Andriette Andromache Andromeda Andy Anestassia Anet Anett Anetta Anette Ange Angel Angela Angele Angelia Angelica Angelika Angelina Angeline Angelique Angelita Angelle Angie Angil Angy Ania Anica Anissa Anita Anitra Anja Anjanette Anjela Ann Ann-Mari Ann-Marie Anna Anna-Diana Anna-Diane Anna-Maria Annabal Annabel Annabela Annabell Annabella Annabelle Annadiana Annadiane Annalee Annalena Annaliese Annalisa Annalise Annalyse Annamari Annamaria Annamarie Anne Anne-Corinne Anne-Mar Anne-Marie Annecorinne Anneliese Annelise Annemarie Annetta Annette Anni Annice Annie Annissa Annmaria Annmarie Annnora Annora Anny Anselma Ansley Anstice Anthe Anthea Anthia Antoinette Antonella Antonetta Antonia Antonie Antonietta Antonina Anya Aphrodite Appolonia April Aprilette Ara Arabel Arabela Arabele Arabella Arabelle Arda Ardath Ardeen Ardelia Ardelis Ardella Ardelle Arden Ardene

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

[Removed]

You take away their little brooms

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Nothing, it just waved

Him: I can explain everything!

(It's his best joke yet I think)

Bob

So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."

Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.

Just to clarify, 12345678

Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...

Notices there's only 2;

Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."

I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.

I was just sitting there doing nothing.

But nobody ever mentions his sister, Onya, who invented the starter pistol.

Abagael Abagail Abbe Abbey Abbi Abbie Abby Abigael Abigail Abigale Abra Acacia Ada Adah Adaline Adara Addie Addis Adel Adela Adelaide Adele Adelice Adelina Adelind Adeline Adella Adelle Adena Adey Adi Adiana Adina Adora Adore Adoree Adorne Adrea Adria Adriaens Adrian Adriana Adriane Adrianna Adrianne Adrien Adriena Adrienne Aeriel Aeriela Aeriell Ag Agace Agata Agatha Agathe Aggi Aggie Aggy Agna Agnella Agnes Agnese Agnesse Agneta Agnola Agretha Aida Aidan Aigneis Aila Aile Ailee Aileen Ailene Ailey Aili Ailina Ailyn Aime Aimee Aimil Aina Aindrea Ainslee Ainsley Ainslie Ajay Alaine Alameda Alana Alanah Alane Alanna Alayne Alberta Albertina Albertine Albina Alecia Aleda Aleece Aleecia Aleen Alejandra Alejandrina Alena Alene Alessandra Aleta Alethea Alex Alexa Alexandra Alexandrina Alexi Alexia Alexina Alexine Alexis Alfie Alfreda Ali Alia Alica Alice Alicea Alicia Alida Alidia Alina Aline Alis Alisa Alisha Alison Alissa Alisun Alix Aliza Alla Alleen Allegra Allene Alli Allianora Allie Allina Allis Allison Allissa Allsun Ally Allyce Allyn Allys Allyson Alma Almeda Almeria Almeta Almira Almire Aloise Aloisia Aloysia Alpa Alta Althea Alvera Alvina Alvinia Alvira Alyce Alyda Alys Alysa Alyse Alysia Alyson Alyss Alyssa Amabel Amabelle Amalea Amalee Amaleta Amalia Amalie Amalita Amalle Amanda Amandi Amandie Amandy Amara Amargo Amata Amber Amberly Ambrosia Ambur Ame Amelia Amelie Amelina Ameline Amelita Ami Amie Amity Ammamaria Amy Ana Anabel Anabella Anabelle Anais Analiese Analise Anallese Anallise Anastasia Anastasie Anastassia Anatola Andee Andi Andie Andra Andrea Andreana Andree Andrei Andria Andriana Andriette Andromache Andromeda Andy Anestassia Anet Anett Anetta Anette Ange Angel Angela Angele Angelia Angelica Angelika Angelina Angeline Angelique Angelita Angelle Angie Angil Angy Ania Anica Anissa Anita Anitra Anja Anjanette Anjela Ann Ann-Mari Ann-Marie Anna Anna-Diana Anna-Diane Anna-Maria Annabal Annabel Annabela Annabell Annabella Annabelle Annadiana Annadiane Annalee Annalena Annaliese Annalisa Annalise Annalyse Annamari Annamaria Annamarie Anne Anne-Corinne Anne-Mar Anne-Marie Annecorinne Anneliese Annelise Annemarie Annetta Annette Anni Annice Annie Annissa Annmaria Annmarie Annnora Annora Anny Anselma Ansley Anstice Anthe Anthea Anthia Antoinette Antonella Antonetta Antonia Antonie Antonietta Antonina Anya Aphrodite Appolonia April Aprilette Ara Arabel Arabela Arabele Arabella Arabelle Arda Ardath Ardeen Ardelia Ardelis Ardella Ardelle Arden Ardene

Abagael Abagail Abbe Abbey Abbi Abbie Abby Abigael Abigail Abigale Abra Acacia Ada Adah Adaline Adara Addie Addis Adel Adela Adelaide Adele Adelice Adelina Adelind Adeline Adella Adelle Adena Adey Adi Adiana Adina Adora Adore Adoree Adorne Adrea Adria Adriaens Adrian Adriana Adriane Adrianna Adrianne Adrien Adriena Adrienne Aeriel Aeriela Aeriell Ag Agace Agata Agatha Agathe Aggi Aggie Aggy Agna Agnella Agnes Agnese Agnesse Agneta Agnola Agretha Aida Aidan Aigneis Aila Aile Ailee Aileen Ailene Ailey Aili Ailina Ailyn Aime Aimee Aimil Aina Aindrea Ainslee Ainsley Ainslie Ajay Alaine Alameda Alana Alanah Alane Alanna Alayne Alberta Albertina Albertine Albina Alecia Aleda Aleece Aleecia Aleen Alejandra Alejandrina Alena Alene Alessandra Aleta Alethea Alex Alexa Alexandra Alexandrina Alexi Alexia Alexina Alexine Alexis Alfie Alfreda Ali Alia Alica Alice Alicea Alicia Alida Alidia Alina Aline Alis Alisa Alisha Alison Alissa Alisun Alix Aliza Alla Alleen Allegra Allene Alli Allianora Allie Allina Allis Allison Allissa Allsun Ally Allyce Allyn Allys Allyson Alma Almeda Almeria Almeta Almira Almire Aloise Aloisia Aloysia Alpa Alta Althea Alvera Alvina Alvinia Alvira Alyce Alyda Alys Alysa Alyse Alysia Alyson Alyss Alyssa Amabel Amabelle Amalea Amalee Amaleta Amalia Amalie Amalita Amalle Amanda Amandi Amandie Amandy Amara Amargo Amata Amber Amberly Ambrosia Ambur Ame Amelia Amelie Amelina Ameline Amelita Ami Amie Amity Ammamaria Amy Ana Anabel Anabella Anabelle Anais Analiese Analise Anallese Anallise Anastasia Anastasie Anastassia Anatola Andee Andi Andie Andra Andrea Andreana Andree Andrei Andria Andriana Andriette Andromache Andromeda Andy Anestassia Anet Anett Anetta Anette Ange Angel Angela Angele Angelia Angelica Angelika Angelina Angeline Angelique Angelita Angelle Angie Angil Angy Ania Anica Anissa Anita Anitra Anja Anjanette Anjela Ann Ann-Mari Ann-Marie Anna Anna-Diana Anna-Diane Anna-Maria Annabal Annabel Annabela Annabell Annabella Annabelle Annadiana Annadiane Annalee Annalena Annaliese Annalisa Annalise Annalyse Annamari Annamaria Annamarie Anne Anne-Corinne Anne-Mar Anne-Marie Annecorinne Anneliese Annelise Annemarie Annetta Annette Anni Annice Annie Annissa Annmaria Annmarie Annnora Annora Anny Anselma Ansley Anstice Anthe Anthea Anthia Antoinette Antonella Antonetta Antonia Antonie Antonietta Antonina Anya Aphrodite Appolonia April Aprilette Ara Arabel Arabela Arabele Arabella Arabelle Arda Ardath Ardeen Ardelia Ardelis Ardella Ardelle Arden Ardene