Whisper joke Puns

...but I couldn't catch them all.

He walks up to the front desk and says, “Sorry, I forgot what room I’m in, can you help me?”

The receptionist replies, “No problem, sir. This is the lobby.”

It was a brisk Saturday morning when Gerald arrived at “The Café,” a hip coffee shop right down the street. Wearing his large, burly black coat, he stared hesitantly at his watch. Thick glasses adorned his bright blue eyes, his gaze like starlight in a clear night sky. He was waiting, intently twiddling his thumbs. After a buzz of his phone, the message from Dad popped up: “Parking now, be there in 5.”

“Dad,” he whispered under his breath, swiping the message away to once again reveal the image on his lock-screen: a hazy picture of an ultrasound.

Gerald had not spoken to his father for three years. They had had a falling out, over which he did not remember. To him it was a competition of who could wait the longest without calling or sending a text. Who could wait the longest: him without a father, or his father without a son? The idea of friction in the relationship hurt like a thorn; piercing his soul more and more everyday. Until recently, out of the blue, “Dad” popped up on his phone. The rest is history. The rest leads to that Saturday morning, at The Café.

Bang! A car door rang out not too far from where Gerald stood. Gerald saw him. His father wore his tweed jacket like a coat of armor. His strut was now weaker than before they stopped talking; a weakness evident in his cane which supported every right step. His shortly trimmed white beard juxtaposed against his uncut, curly grey hair gave him the image of a wise wizard from a fairytale. He used to be that figure to Gerald, yet instead of a nice ancient being acting like a stone to keep him grounded, Gerald had felt as though his father was a rock pulling him deeper and deeper into a sea of monotony. Holding him back from his true potential. Maybe that was why he left? He still did not know.

“Hello, son,” came the withered voice Gerald had sook for so long, yet now that it had arrived wanted to avoid. “I can’t believe it’s been so long!”

“Yeah,” said Gerald, allowing a smile to grace his face. “Too long!”

Then they hugged, signifying a change in their relationship. Gerald had hoped something could happen to bring them closer together. He did not want to go on wondering what could have been. The regret and sadness weighed him down. Before starting a new family, Gerald wanted to be reacquainted with his own.

After finding their table and sitting down, the two began to discuss life. It was like old friends catching up after a long break. Although it took some time, Gerald began to warm u

Because they are living legends

It's been about a year since my dad passed away unexpectedly. The grief hits me in weird waves sometimes, but one of the things that ALWAYS brings a smile to my face is a joke he kept going for YEARS.

It started in line at Costco years and years ago:

Dad: [pointing over to a sign in the pharmacy] What does that say?

Me: Hearing aids.

Dad: What?

Me: HEARING AIDS

Dad: WHAT?!

A year or so later, at a charity event banquet, a police officer was speaking...

Officer: ...these funds have helped cover numerous medical expenses for those in need, including vision tests, hearing aids...

Dad: [leans over to me] What did he say?

Me: [whispers] Hearing aids.

Dad: What?

Me: Hearing aids.

Then we both burst out laughing and had to keep it together at this fancy dinner.

My dad did this for YEARS. And was masterful at waiting JUST long enough so that I had forgotten the joke and would fall for it every time. It was basically a years-long dad-joke ambush.

This is an homage to my buddy Allen who is a master at puns in general and of puns of the antanaclasis variety in particular.

Allen likes to write fan fiction for Vladimir Nabokov's novel "Lolita". In Allen's version, the young girl tries to seduce an older man with hacky knock knock jokes. One example: "Hey big boy, I want to whisper something in your ear... Did you know Knock-Knock Jokes may result in swollen knuckles?"

The copyright holders have requested he take the jokes out. They said to knock off knock-off knuckle knock-knocks in Nabokov knock-offs.

We were watching the newest Hunger Games movie a couple of weekends ago. Throughout the film she was (very quietly) whispering interesting things that were in the books but not the film.

Mild Spoilers

There is a certain part where a character goes back for a cat.

End Mild Spoilers

She leans over and I think she was going to tell me another interesting things about the scene. She whispered a little louder than the other times, "You've gotta be kitten me right meow!"

You could hear the slight chuckle from the people in front of us and I had to stifle my laughter. I probably shouldn't find it that funny, but I love good timing and a corny joke.

Little background: I was standing on a roughly-3' rock wall along a sidewalk/eating area on campus. My friend was sitting at a table next to this.

We were engaging in a lively discussion when a girl walks by and sternly asks; "Are you talking down to her?" - and starts laughing maniacally.

Having a solid appreciation for dad jokes, I laugh heartily too and gently whisper "be my dad?" as she walks away...

But I couldn't catch them all