When I woke up this morning, I saw a bird of prey sitting in my backyard eating avocado toast.
It was a millennial falcon.
I went in to hospital for a routine operation and was furious when I woke up to find the surgeon had given me a lobotomy
I can tell you, he sure got a piece of my mind.
I don't know what I ate lastnight, but when I woke up, I crapped out a sparkwheel, a valve, a spring, and a piece of flint.
Afterwards, I felt a little lighter.
When I woke up from an operation, the nurse leaned over and said, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."
So I fondled her boobs.
When I woke up from a car accident in a full body cast my wife was right there at my side
To let me know that childbirth is still more painful.
When I woke up from my accident, I was shocked when the doctors told me I broke all my fingers.
It was hard to grasp.
I woke up in the middle of the night and freaked out when I noticed all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
I put my phone under my pillow last night and went to sleep. When I woke up it was gone and a pound coin was in its place
Damn that Bluetooth Fairy
When I woke up this morning I felt numb...
And when I looked at the digits of my phone
showing 06:42 I started feeling even number.
It was a little brisk outside this morning when I woke up
Which is a shame because I really prefer Lipton to Brisk.
I jumped out of bed when I heard a godawful sound as I woke up this morning.
It was alarming.
Did I ever tell you the story of when I woke up covered in tortillas?
I had been keeping it under wraps
Left the PC on all night, when I woke up it was freezing
Turns out I left all the Windows open
I woke my wife up when i farted this morning
It was alarming.
Last night I met a girl and said urinate. But when I woke up it turns out...
I metaphor.
My dad got me right when I woke up. . .
Dad: Did you hear about the guy who mugged a midget?
Me: No. (Groan incoming)
Dad: Well, he really stooped low!
When I woke up from my accident, I was shocked to find out that I had broken all my fingers.
That was hard to grasp.
When I woke up from my accident, I was shocked to find out that all my fingers were broken.
It was hard to grasp.
I fell asleep with my phone under the pillow last night and when I woke up, it was gone and there was a dollar bill in its place...
Must have been the Bluetooth fairy!
