We really shouldnt be making any Covid jokes in here.
They are in 'poor taste'.
The barman says ‘We don’t serve Time Travellers in here’
A Time Traveller walks into a bar.
Sorry, bit of an inn joke.
A string walks into a bar. The bartender says "we don't serve strings here." The string waks outside, ties himself in a knot, messes up his hair, and walks back into the bar. The bartender says "hey, aren't you the string I just kicked out?" The string replies...
In surgery my doctor said, "So what do we have here?" I replied that I broke my arm in 12 places."
He replied, "Well, stop going to those places then!"
Here in Canada, we don't just have a sense of humour.
We also know how to spell it.
A rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says says, “Get out. We don’t serve rope in here.” So the rope goes out, cuts itself in two before tying the two sections together. It then pulls out a comb and combs its ends. The rope then walks back into the bar.
The bartender says, “Hey! Aren’t you the rope that I just threw out?”
The rope replied, “No. I’m a frayed knot.”
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"
Saw this on r/unexpected, thought it was funny so here we are :) I’ll be sure to add the link to the OG post in the comments incase you wanna see it
A Higgs-Boson walks into a church, only to be stopped by a priest at the door. "I'm very sorry but we don't allow Higgs-Boson in here."
The Higgs-Boson then replies, "But without me, how will you have mass?"
We’ve come to a fork in the road... don’t know where to go from here..
Here we see two birds of prey in full action
Or nuns as they are more commonly clawed
I know that we all have different views and argue a lot on reddit, but here’s something we have in common.
People who are reading this are on the same page.
Son-“Dad it’s cold in here, can we turn the thermostat up”
Me - “No just go stand in the corner”
Son -“Why?”
Me - “Because it is always at 90 degrees”
Guy walks into a bar with his dog and the bartender says “I’m sorry sir, we don’t allow dogs in here.” Guy says “This is no ordinary dog. This dog can speak.”
Bartender says “Sure... If you say so. Now please leave.”
Guy says, “No really I can prove it.” *turns to dog *
“Dog, what is on top this building?” Dog goes “Roof.”
Bartender says “Very clever. Now I’ll ask you again: will you please leave?”
Guy goes “No no seriously! Listen to this: Dog, what is the texture of sandpaper?”
Dog goes “Ruff.”
Bartender says “This is the last time I’m going to tell you!”
Guy says “Wait wait please. Dog who is the greatest baseball player of all time?”
Dog replies “Ruth”
Bartender: “Get out! I’m calling the authorities!”
Guy and dog leave.
Outside dog turns to guy and says “Jeez. Maybe I should have said Barry Bonds.”
Hey kids! Get in here! We're playing Quake with a bunch of cows, and then watching a Disney live action remake about a legendary female warrior!
Helium walks into a bar, The bartender says "We don't serve noble gases in here."
A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here." The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender squints at hi
(Wife and I laying in bed, dog walks in the room wanting to jump on said bed) Wife: Pretend we're not here
Me: (Sits straight up) Arrgh Mateys!! Are you ready to sail the ocean blue!?
While my wife and I were dating in high school we were at this church lock in. I said, “Can’t wait till we get outta here and I can plant one on ya” she said, “What kinda flower”
No hesitation I say, “Tulips”
An Alien walks in a butcher shop and the butcher says"We don't serve aliens here!"
The alien said "That's fine, is the human fresh?"
Hopalong Happychopper walks into the saloon and the bartender says, "Howdy stranger, ain't seen you in these parts, so you must be here to watch the hanging!" Hopalong looks the bartender menacingly in the eyes and replies, "Nope, but seeing we're talking, who are you hanging?"
The bartender responds, "Well, ain't you heard cowboy, we gonna string up Brown Paper Rattler mighty high, even the angels are gonna hear his neck break!"
Hopalong asks, "Why they call him Brown Paper Rattler?"
The bartender chuckles, "Why, old Rattler wears a brown paper Stetson, a brown paper waistcoat and even right down to brown paper socks."
Puzzled, Hopalong then asks, "So why you hanging him?"
...and the bartender replies, "For rustling."
Neon walks into a bar, the barman says "we don't serve noble gasses in here"
When our first child was on the way, my wife told the doctor in maternity “We’d’ve been here sooner if my husband could drive better”
And I said, “Honey, watch out for those double contractions! They’re brutal.”
There shouldn’t’ve been another one for at least 10 minutes,
A ham sandwich walked into a bar and the bartender said sorry we don't serve food in here.
Here in Michigan's Upper Peninsula we have a program for recovering Canadians.
If we have the Wii here in America
I wonder if in France they have the Wii Wii.
The barman says, “Sorry, we don’t serve faster-than-light particles in here.”
A faster-than-light particle walks into a bar.
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"
The bartender says, “we don’t serve time travelers in here!”
A time traveler walks into a bar.
Rope walks into the bar. Bartender says, Sorry we don’t serve ropes here. Rope walks out, messes himself up, ties himself in a knot, and walks back into the bar. Bartender asked if he’s a rope!
Rope replies I’m a frayed knot.
Mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says, Hey we don’t allow mushrooms in here.”
The mushroom says, “Why not? I’m a fungi.”
A string goes into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve strings here, mate". String goes out, loops itself and frazzles the bitter end. Goes back in the bar and the bartender says "Aren't you that string from a few minutes ago?"
Which came the reply "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
