We live in a post racism society.
People post racism on the internet now.
^(You didn't look at the sub when you clicked, did you?)
Inspired by the Winter Olympics, I decided to try curling. We don’t live near an ice rink so I thought we could use polished mirrors instead but that didn’t work.
Those with glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.
Less a dad joke, more a dad observation.... People lament on the first fish evolving to live on land and wish it had just stayed there so we don't have to get up early to go to work.
But then we'd have to go to school every day.
We have had a lot of rain and flooding where I live, so my wife told me to be very careful taking our kids to school
So I promised her I'd be totally wreckless.
We live next door to the Pullovers.
They're a tight knit family.
My daughter got me a “Canada “ sweater for Christmas... I asked why since we live in the USA?
“It’s aspirational “ she said.
Ooooof...
What a sexist society we live in, today is National Daughter's Day and it's celebrated once a year.....
But we celebrate Son day every week!
We live in Colorado and took my son outside today to play hide and seek for the first time. I pointed at the Rockies, looked him dead in the eye and said, "Under no circumstances can we allow them to play!" Confused, he ask why, so I explained, "Well, you see...
A church by where we live has a cafe called He Brews. Pretty funny.
We used to live on a very busy main road.
But after our 4th child got run over, we decided to move into a house.
People believe we live in a computer simulation.
If so, our lives must be scripted.
Whenever my dad goes to get gas he says “regular please” and when the gas station attendant (we live in Oregon) asks “fill?” my dad replies
“No, Fred, nice to meet you”
Wife (we both live in the US): I have to make sure my work phone is on do not disturb mode before bed so I don’t get email notifications from co-workers in our office in Europe.
Me: Sure, because when they send email, they don’t care if you’re up.
Funny world we live in. If a woman sleeps with 10 guys in a week, she’s a slut. But if a man does it he’s...
It’s hot where we live. Wife was lamenting on how we don’t have A/C.
I said “Honey, we don’t need that modern technology,” pointing at the ceiling fan I continued, “When we’ve got something that’s revolutionary.”
My daughter said it would be awesome if we could go see where Robin Hood used to live...
We live in a heliocentric solar system
We’ve had to get a live-in nanny
‘cos that dead one wasn’t working out.”
We live in a world where there are 7 Star Wars movies that have opening crawl.
Then there is a Rogue One.
My dad and I were driving around in Seattle and we passed a "Nude live girls" sign
He quickly remarked that the "Dead nude girls" were in the back
According to some very well known guys, we ALL live in this sub
http://m.imgur.com/4MSQl86.jpg
We don't even live in Russia
Friend: Picks up bread, retches in disgust and throws in trash
Me: What just happened
Friend: There was bare mold on that bread
Me: That's why you don't let bears near your bread
My Dad would point to a cylindrical building we live by and say "A man went crazy in there."
Couldn't find a corner to pee in.
"I should do some research if we live near a chemical dump," I said. My parents asked "Why?"
I said, "Because there is a bee the size of a large grape out there. He's been hanging around here every day. I've been thinking about giving him a name."
Dad said, "How about Bee-hemoth?"
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