These zoo meetings are really taking off.
Son: VR
Where do we draw the line?
Her friend: I-1
My kid: No, you didn't.
(This just happened)
All byte, no bark
It was in tenths.
He's lawn gone
I told him that’s Ludacris.
Dad: "Did you know that the people who live in this town aren't allowed to be buried in that cemetery?"
Me: "Oh, why?"
Dad: "Cuz they're still alive."
Dysalexia
I was like 0mg.
"that's Ludacris."
Not sure what to do in the Mean Time.
Its unreal
People are already calling the character Rando Calrissian.
Oculus Drift
I told them that I would shift as best I could...
not to brag, but they all look like van Gogh's
It was Two Wheelistic
But they encouraged me to immediately return to the vaccination center to pick up my glasses.
She just buries her head in the sand like an off switch.
I replied, "thanks, I'll get it tested for Corollavirus".
Lena could not leave them on the side of the road so they scooped the babies up and put them in the car. As they drove the baby skunks managed to make their way from the floor up Lena's dress and settled on her lap. Lena looked at Ole and said "the skunks are under my dress". Ole said "Zat's OK dear zey are settled down". Lena said "Vhat about the smell?". Ole said, "Oh, don't worry dear they will get used to it!"
I turn to her and say “I bet he don’t have the guts to do that again”
Edit: holy shit y’all this blew up. Thank you master dads. I feel worthy
...he's ex-Uber-ant
...right in front of a house where there’s a huge party going on. He walks in and notices that the party is somewhat divided. There’s a clear distinction between the people waiting for the bathroom and the people queued up for drinks, etc.
Considering the urgency of the bathroom queue, he walks over to the drinks table and asks everyone there if they wouldn’t mind helping him push his car to get it started. They agree but even with the full might of several people, the car doesn’t budge. He thanks them for trying and they all head back inside.
A little while later, the doorbell rings. The man sees the host open the door to the largest pizza guy he’s ever seen. The behemoth is holding 15 pizzas with one hand, a pallet of buffalo wings with the other, with a keg strapped to each shoulder. The man jumps up and asks the pizza guy for his help pushing the car. He agrees and they head to the street.
With barely one touch of a pinky on one hand, the car lurches forward and starts right up. The man drives off, waving behind him and yelling a quick, “Thank you.”
As he catches sight of the party fading into the distance, he says to himself...
“Thank goodness for the delivery because that punch line sure is weak.”
"Don't worry, Honey, he's just another Fred of mine."
They can't read
We were diagnosed with carpool tunnel syndrome
I said, “Thanks babe. You Mrs. Right!”
It was a virtual corny-copia of wit!
2 girls are chatting, one isn't particularly bright and seems very deep in thought, the other asks what she's thinking about, the not so bright one says she has an issue, "I have had a horse for years and my parents have just bought me a new one which is virtually identical to the first and I'm struggling to work out which one is which." The friend suggested she try cutting the mane short on one horse making it easy to identify. The friend is over the moon and rushes away to try the suggestion. A few weeks pass and the friends meet up, The friend and how she got on with the mane cutting trick. "It was fine for the first couple of weeks but the mane grew back so I'm back to square one." The friend thinks for a while and suggests cutting the hair on the tail short making identification simple. Again the girl rushes off to try the suggestion. A few weeks later they meet again with much the same story, this time the friend suggests measuring the horses height to see if one is taller than the other. A few weeks later they meet up, the not so clever one is ecstatic and proceeds to tell her friend how it went. "It was amazing and I hadn't noticed but the black horse was 2 hands taller than the white one".
“Spoiler alert!”
After a few moments of silence, my son replies "That's it?"
So I decided to call a toe-truck.
It was kinda pointless...
It was a poutine traffic stop.
They said “no thanks we’re walkers”
The rabbit says “I’m pretty sure I’m a type-o”
Mother (of sleeping arrangements for a holiday): > But seriously, how are we going to get to sleep?
Father (muttering, back turned and on the other side of the room): > With our eyes closed.
They’re only driven from from time to time
These Zoo Meetings are really taking off!
