Victorias Puns

It rounds them up, and points them in the right direction.

Apparently, "All Panties Half Off" meant they were having a sale.

The shop assistant showed me a really nice set, I said “are they satin?” She said “no, they’re brand new”

I said "of course they have holes in them, how else are you supposed to get your legs through?"

I could feel the eye roll from across the room

That must have been a really big bust

They were advertising a sale for 50% off all bras, and my mom says "Well that seems inappropriate. Half Off bras? There's barely anything there to begin with!"

Turns out it was a pizza cake.

The authorities are looking into it

When a lady walked in the store I would hold up underwear and exclaim "diesel fitter"

The dirtier the better

Titty Titty Bang Bang

Anything that's relatively clean is fine. I'm really desperate.

But she wouldn't tell me under where.

He asked me "source?"

I answered Lake Victoria

Victoria's Secret Ops.

Unfortunately i think it might be Manda tory

Perhaps they were having a flash sale?

Would you call them a Spice Rack?

She walked away when I asked the sales assistant what the download speed was on the wireless bras.

I'm terrible at coming up with puns, so I'd love some help here! I'm in need of a female name (both first and last) that sounds like it's from around the Victorian era and also is a pun. The more ridiculous the better. Bonus points if it's sexual, kind of like Ivana Humpalot.

I'm Australian, in Australia, specifically southern Australia. Very specifically, southern Victoria. Anyway. I took a long drive on Friday, out to Halls Gap, which is a beautiful part of the world. Oddly, I noticed along the way a significant amount of dead crows on the side of the road. Now I'm of county stock, and I know well that crows (although technically ravens I believe) are an extraordinarily intelligent bird, and it's very rare that you see one fallen by the roadside. As such, it was obvious to me as unusual. So I looked it up, and as it happened there'd been a study conducted regarding the very road I'd driven down. Turns out, this particular road was notorious for dead crows on account of two very basic reasons, the first, it's proximity to bushland which ensured a considerable amount of regular road kill (possums, kangaroos, etcetera) and second, the road was a significant trucking route. It follows logic, although I did not see it at the time, that it was determined that the trucks, rather than the cars which used the road were to blame regarding the amount of dead crows. How so, you ask? I, too, was interested to know. You see, the front of the average car in these modern times is made of plastic and paint whereas the Australian cross-country truck is equipped with a large alloy bullbar. A crow, when hit by a car will have chips of paint transferred onto its feathers whereas one downed by a truck will have none. Now crows are not usually struck by vehicles, as they are a very intelligent bird. As such, they employ a sentry bird, which looks out as the others eat from the road, and warns them of any approaching danger. Such is the intelligence of the crows! So why should they perish by truck in such numbers? The answer amazed me. As it turns out, a sentry crow sees the approaching vehicle and calls to his friends CAR! CAR! CAR! but he can't say truck

It's Victoria's Secret.

From Tuktoyaktuk University, soley because it said "blah blah blah blah, degree from Tuk U."

He thinks it's hilarious.

Victoria ruins it for everyone

Wife: "I hate these underwires. I think I want to get a wire-less one next"

Me: "I can stop by Radioshack on my way home to pick you up one"

Wife: "What?"

Me: "Well I'm sure Victorias Secret doesn't carry WiFi bras."

Wife: Heavy sigh.

I studied the box and noted, "Grown in Victoria." (The state we live in.)

Dad, who was next to me, said, "That's a bit rude."

"What?"

"Must have been uncomfortable for Victoria."

Victoria Falls

My cousin brought his girlfriend, Victoria, to our family get-together for the first time. We're sitting around the dinner table and my dad goes, "So I gotta ask. Victoria, what's your secret?"