Unmistakably Lou Puns

Hello all..

I do a lot of charity work with children.

Have a kid here that has Lou Gehrig's Disease. He's from Las Vegas. So I'm putting together something for him for Christmas.

I am asking for your help?

He has probably looked at many pictures of Vegas for the last couple of years. I'm looking to get some pictures he hasn't seen before. That is, fresh pictures. Ones that are unmistakably Las Vegas.

Depending on the pictures sent, I will figure out a theme. This kid may not make it to Vegas again. He's going to be 11 years old.

Thank you all for your consideration and generosity.

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

They’re on standbi

BamBOO!

A play on words.

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

Calcium, nickel, neon

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

Or would that be too forward thinking?

At work, I have a workstation.

edit: cheers u/cheer_up_richard

It’s only possible to betray where loyalty is due.

-Muriel Spark, The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie

Q. Who killed JonBenet Ramsey?

A. I believe JonBenet Ramsey was murdered by her father, John Bennett Ramsey.

Q. Why?

A. To prevent their family from finding out he'd been molesting her.

Q. That's a big accusation.

A. It is, yeah.

Q. How did you arrive at that conclusion?

A. First I ingested as much of the evidence available as I could, making sure to vet everything out because there’s so much misinformation out there. This was the most time-consuming part. I performed a deductive analysis of the available evidence from the autopsy, and descriptions, photos, and video walkthrough of the scene (the scene being the house), and in so doing, I found that the most likely scenario was one where JonBenet’s murderer was someone she knew and trusted. I analyzed the ransom note and noticed that it must have been created either by Patsy or by someone who knew her well, and that the instructions create opportunities for John that they don’t create for anyone else. I created a matrix of the story everyone’s telling and observed that it has a high number of characteristics consistent with a story where at least one person is telling the truth, and also observed that in this story there’s only one person whose motivations would be consistent all the way through if they were involved in the murder at all. The final straw for me was a visualization of the way John carried her upstairs, holding her away from his body. It’s a position that would be wildly unexpected for a parent who just discovered his dead daughter but it makes absolute sense for a parent who already knew what he was going to find down there and that she had urinated when she died, and he was trying not to get any on him. He was demonstrating pre-awareness and the ability to have an informed reaction. In almost any other case I can think of, I think the shock of seeing your baby dead would override cleanliness concerns. It wasn’t just that one thing, though - it was how it fit into everything else.

Toward the

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.

I’m stumped.

When I got home, they were still there.