Gravity is one of the most fundamental forces in the universe. What do you get when you remove it?

Gravy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bjlind718
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
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Tae Kwon Donkey (The Ass that kicks back) And Crab Maga (The Krav Maga crab that doesn’t just talk crab, he backs it up). Figured this community of punsters would appreciate the universe we are creating on Patreon. reddit.com/gallery/lgzbtq
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KicksandStrings
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
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What is capital city of universe

University

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SeriousDirt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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After achieving universal peace, the Guardians of the Galaxy settled down and opened a floor tile business.

I Am Grout

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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So the football stadium at my university is located across the railroad tracks from a very old cemetery...

My family comes up to visit and see the campus and as we drive down the road between the stadium and the cemetery I mentioned to them how hard it is to get tickets this year. Pointing in the direction of the cemetery, my dad proceeds to say "oh I bet they're just dying to get in!"

Groans all around.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OutgoingBuffalo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2015
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Have you ever wondered why the winner of all the Miss Universe contest...

...always came from Earth ?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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My son was rejected from Indiana University. Feeling persistent, he asked me if he should call one of the advisors and plead for admission.

I told him beggars can’t be Hoosiers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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Harvard University just ran a study proving 74% of the countries have flawed dams and it was dismissed

because it didnt hold water

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πŸ‘€︎ u/amigodojaspion
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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Why did the turkey get thrown out of the stadium?

Tryptophan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DadJoker1988
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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There was a knight whose job it was to guard other knights while they sleep

But as anyone that has worked the night shift knows it can be a long and boring affair. No great threats to defend against. So this knight decided to improve himself, night after night he would bring books to read while he stood guard. Learning languages, math, philosophy. The smarter he gets the more he realizes that he will likely leave the world and be forgotten. In his depression he turns to music, learning instrument after instrument, style after style. Using his knowledge of math to create beautiful patterns and moving songs. He learns that it is they rhythm more than anything that draws people to a song and sets his nights to finding the rhythm that will be universally loved. Now, hundreds of years after his death, people the world over still remember Sir Cadian's Rhythm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirDianthus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
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I finished my first year of university, but I gained 34 lbs...

First it was the Freshman-15, then the Covid-19.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1stdayof
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
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Great joke, albeit a bit long winded.

There was once a boy. He was the son of the richest man in the universe. Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, he dwarfed them all. He was a multi-trillionaire. Now, it was this boy's birthday. His father asked him,

"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. A store full of lego, all the video games in the world, anything. What would you like?"

His son replied.

"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one pink ping pong ball."

His father was rather confused by this request. Out of all the things he could've chosen, his son chose a ping pong ball. Nonetheless, he agreed and gave him a pink ping pong ball. His son was overjoyed and spoke to him.

"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong ball?"

"Okay son, go ahead."

The boy then went up to his room and played with his pink ping pong ball. When his father went in the next morning to check on him, the boy was sleeping in his bed and the pink ping pong ball was nowhere to be found.

On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.

"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"

His son replied.

"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one box full of pink ping pong balls."

His father was again, confused by this. Still, he bought a cardboard box and filled it with ping pong balls. He gave it to his son, who said.

"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong balls?"

The father nodded, and the son went up to his room to play. The next morning when his father went to check, the boy was sleeping peacefully and there were no pink ping pong balls in sight. Just the empty cardboard box in the middle of the room.

On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.

"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"

"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one truck full of ping pong balls."

Now, by this point, the father was extremely confused. Why did the boy want so many pink ping pong balls and where were they going? He asked.

"My son. You are the most precious thing in the world to me and I can certainly get you this, but may I ask, why do you want

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phrresehelp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
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In an alternate universe, instead of asking for whatever he touches to be gold, Midas just asked for his jokes to be made extremely hilarious.

Everything was comedy gold.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrammerTheGamer
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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To make extra money, my university professor makes all his students buy his book at the beginning of the term.

It’s textbook Economics.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
🚨︎ report
A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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The sound of him throwing his phone will be hear throughout the universe
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IDoNotHaveACunt
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
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Universal just announced the name of the next fast and furious movie!

It's called "fast 10: your seatbelts".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wingmanbyheart
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
🚨︎ report
A Chinese chef in Milan creating a pun of a Japanese food... Puns are truly the Universal language!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weirdgroovynerd
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a group of Mexicans napping outside a football stadium?

The Siesta Bowl

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2018
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What's the difference between The University of California-Berkeley and The University of California- Los Angeles?

At one UCLA and the other one UC-Berkeley.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zsm1994
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
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I wrote an epic poem with only one line.

It's in celebration of the universe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shu-di
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
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Which King of England took a gap year before university?

Richard Deferred.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mtcarr79
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
The slogan of my university's aero-modelling club is: "The wright way to get high".
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nietzschemaanav
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2018
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Walked into a stadium bathroom with a wall of urinals and no toilets. Dad says "standing room only"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bootnuts
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2017
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And then there's the story of the Jewish man at a South Korean university

He was the Chosun One

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πŸ‘€︎ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
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Talking about the depth of the universe

We were explaining the word depth and how it relates to the word of deep.

Kid can't say the word depth. So he said:"the entire univuse is pretty Def right dad?!"

I chimed in immediately: "I'm sure it is kiddo universe due to the too few ears in it."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jackbeflippen
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
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I've discovered the meaning of life, the universe, and everything.

Fortitude!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jefuchs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2017
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At the University, I used to make videos of urine at different resolutions.

I even got a pee HD.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
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My son just graduated from the University of Tennessee

He’s a well read-neck.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JBJorr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
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Why didn’t the galaxy move out of the universe?

Because there was no space

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MansSad
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
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The fresh college graduate of Contortion University wanted to work in the field as quickly as possible

He was bent on success

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2018
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A man asked a barista the price (in dollars) of a cup of a cup of earl grey and the answer to life, the universe, and everything.

"For tea, two" the barista responded.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xechwill
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2018
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There is alot of controversy about universal sign language in the deaf community

However they aren't very vocal about it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thedoomfulldome
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2016
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The University of Georgia Newspaper

The UGA newspaper is called The Red & Black, but the other day I asked myself; why isn't it called Black, White, and Read All Over?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Parker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2015
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What does HIV become at the University of Florida?

Gatoraids

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shellac31
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2017
🚨︎ report
Is there other forms of life in the universe?

If not, it's an awful waste of space

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptnMorgan69
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2017
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Gravity is one of the most fundamental forces in the universe

but if you remove it, you get gravy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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Gravity, one of the most basic forces in the Universe. But then again, if you remove it...

You still have Gravy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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Gravity's one of the most fundamental forces in the universe. What do you get when you remove it?

Gravy.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Gravity is one of the most essential forces in the universe. What do you get when you remove it?

Gravy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flashblazer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Gravity is one of the most fundamental forces in the universe. What do you get when you remove it?

Gravy.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
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My university professor forces the students to buy his book at the beginning of the semester.

It’s textbook economics.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Gravity's one of the most fundamental forces in the universe. What do you get when you remove it?

Gravy

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report

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