I couldn't undo the buttons on my jumper, so I tried pulling it over my head but got it stuck.

I'm in the hospital now waiting to see a cardyologist.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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I count to three in Spanish to cope with my anxiety

It undo stress

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Potato23860
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
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Three ropes are walking into a bar when they see a sign outside that says, "We don't serve ropes."

The first rope goes in and asks for a drink and the bartender says, "We don't serve ropes. You'll have to leave."

The second rope goes in and asks for a drink and the bartender says, "We don't serve ropes. You'll have to leave."

The third rope ties himself in a knot and undoes his top braid a bit and ruffles it up. He goes in and asks for a drink. The bartender asks, "Say, aren't you a rope?"

He replies, "I'm a frayed knot."

πŸ‘︎ 143
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BradC
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2017
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Landed this on the 'Genius' in the Apple store...

Took my iMac in because the hard disc failed. The machine is 6 yrs old so I was made to feel embarrassed coz it was 'vintage and obsolete, Apple don't carry parts and can't help'. I was becoming a bit pissed off at the attitude I was getting then more pissed off when Mr Genius started to tell me to buy some suction pads that glaziers use to carry sheets of glass around, pull out the screen, undo 18 screws etc etc to change the disc myself. That's when I hit him with...

"Glaziers' suction pads? I thought they were only compatible with windows"

He didn't even flinch. Just completely ignored it and carried on sneering at me for having the audacity to be using an old machine. I left feeling like a piece of shit with only pride in my joke keeping me going.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smithmf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2016
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