A nail gun
Stolen from r/clevercomebacks
“Dad, can I eat the last piece of cake in the fridge?” I smiled and said, “Sure..."
"But the dining room would probably be more comfortable.”
Usually because they don't like each other.
But I’m worried that the mods are going to banh mi if I do.
Sometimes, he laughs.
There’s non-binary gold prospectors in some parts of the world.
They dig up a fortune in them/their hills.
WebMd
There's one case where a middle eastern food truck was using organ meat instead of chickpeas! Yeah, the unlawful falafel was awful offal.
Ten ants
You should hear my GRAND dad jokes.
No wait, she's back. She just went out to bring me a cake.
I am not a dad. I am a daughter. For longer than I can remember, I have called my dad at "too early" times in the morning, woke him up, and told him a joke. This was a daily occurrence. Hence how I found this sub.
My dad died on Monday. You guys helped me wake him up with laughter so many times and I got to hear him laugh every day. Thank you r/dadjokes.
Edit: spelling
Wow I really did not expect so many people to see this post or to take the time to comment and reach out to me. Thank you all so much for your thoughts and kind words. It really means a lot. This is a great community and I'm so glad to have found it. As a mom to two beautiful little jokesters, I will absolutely continue pestering them with daily jokes and keep the tradition and the laughter alive.
For those asking, his favorite jokes were the really long ones that took forever to tell and had bad/ the best punchlines. The one that immediately sticks out was posted here either Sunday or Monday and was the last one I got to tell him. I will see if I can find it and figure out how to link. It was about a farmer who really loved tractors.
Thank you to the kind redditors who found it for me.
https://www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/comments/slwg7y/bit_of_a_story_to_this_one_but_well_worth_the_read/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
There used to be two of them, and now it’s insensitive to talk about
They/Them
It's days are numbered.
I can't upload a screenshot of the comments, so I'll have to explain.
A few days ago I saw a (pointlessly gendered) post with a video of an open faucet, with water creating laminar flow effect.
It was in a different sub, so in the comments somebody mentioned r/laminarflow. So I answered 'Hi inarflow, I'm dad!'
...sorry.
ETA: https://www.reddit.com/r/blackmagicfuckery/comments/zezdou/stationary_looking_laminar_flow/izaqnbq?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
I shit you not
nothing starts with an N and starts with a G
https://www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/comments/yudb5i/why_did_the_chicken_visit_the_car_dealership/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
https://www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/comments/yud9xq/what_type_of_mat_never_needs_to_be_cleaned/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Thought these jokes I came up with myself would be enjoyed by the community here. Can I get some feedback on how I can improve? Thanks in advance.
A man in the back yells "You wouldn’t have enough bullets mate!"
u/Waldkraut 😜
One asks the others, "How do you drive this thing?"
Megasoreass
I searched for lighters but ti only came up whith 14,852 matches
Because she couldn't see that well.
Yep, they're miming the roads
Just in case he got a hole in one !
The doctor would give the woman a rose every day to show his love.
The engineer would give her an apple every day.
This confused her, so she asked the engineer about it. "The doctor gives me a rose because a rose signifies love, what is this apple supposed to mean?"
The engineer replied, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away."
I said i didnt know he did....
“Wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?”
They have an Elon Musk
It Hertz.
It’s a Finnish hymn!
You'll strain your voice.
Me: "But you already own her home."
Dad: -turning to daughter- "If you don't sleep with him, I will."
Credit to u/psybermonkey15
