I’m feeling pretty sore after tripping over some clams.

I think I might’ve pulled a mussel.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I just saw my wife trip over and drop a basket of clothes she just ironed.

I watched it all unfold.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Tripped over my wife's bra.

It was a booby trap.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A pirate wanted to celebrate his captain’s birthday, so he bought a large quantity of balloons while ashore. Back on the ship, he walked over to hand the balloons to the captain, but he tripped and most of them floated away. The captain said, β€œArrr! That was a costly mistake...”

β€œWe lost a lot of doubloons.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Unfussed
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I walked into the bedroom today and tripped over my wife’s bra.

It was a booby trap.

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I tripped over a box of Kleenex when coming home, needing an ER visit!

Don't worry--it's only tissue damage...

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I tripped and fell down the steps this morning. My son comes running over asking "Daddy, are you alright?"

I said "No, son. I'm half left."

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Talorn_Celeron
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I tripped over something in the bathroom and nearly killed myself.

It was a toilet brush with death.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
🚨︎ report
During my trip to Madrid I was staying at this small motel when I grew pretty ill. Thankfully the people at the front desk sent the on call doctor over and he was able to fix me up real quick. I told him I didn't expect such a small place to have such a good doctor, to which he told me

Nobody expects the Spanish Inn Physician

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RKO-Cutter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night

But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/babblingbrooks1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I was doing some work in the garden and tripped over a rock.

Damn it, I soiled myself.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Daintyoaktree
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I tripped over my wife's bra left on the bedroom floor last night...

Damn boobie traps

πŸ‘︎ 104
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dacs1306
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
🚨︎ report
For the longest time I couldn’t figure out how I tripped over the remains of that tree.

I was stumped.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mynickname86
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the chickpea that tripped over?

The fella fell

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TurboAxolotl
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Fun day out at the beach

So when I was younger, me and a couple of friends went on a little trip to the beach. We had a lot of fun there swimming around, making a campfire, all that jazz. Some of us wanted to build sandcastles and get em as high as we could so we could pretend we were knights protecting them.

So some kids started running around being annoying and destroying the sand castles and it got to the point where one of my friends got so protective of his castle, he started punching anyone who even got close. You know how kids are, the other ones got closer and were like β€œwe arent even touching it, calm down!” but he wasnt having any of that so he drew a line in the sand and said β€œif you step over this line, i WILL punch you..”

that was the punch line >insert finger guns<

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Truplup
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
The marine biologist tripped and the chum bucket spilled all over everything

It was an offal mess

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2018
🚨︎ report
I tripped over a floor tile at work today-

I got floored

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spathens
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
🚨︎ report
A man from Paris trips over.

He says β€œOh no! Eiffel!”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Misterhijack420
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I tripped over my broom and bent the handle.

I haven't been sweeping well lately.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/accountnumber3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Almost tripped over a beanstalk,

Nearly pead myself.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fukhed69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2018
🚨︎ report
I took a trip over at Orion's Belt.

Customer service asked me how my experience was. So I answered, "It wasn't the best place, but it was definitely 3 stars."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Majike03
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2017
🚨︎ report
My wife to me before our trip over-seas

I am a very messy teeth-brusher and some toothpaste was leaking out of my mouth and onto the sink.

Her: "You need to stop dribbling." Me: "Why?" Her: "So we can travel."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bad_karma11
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Was flying over the Netherlands on a trip to Europe with my dad leans in all very seriously and whispers...

Where do Gerbil go on vacation?

Hamsterdam

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/World_Chaos
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2015
🚨︎ report
I went on a school trip over the weekend, where there was one guy always trying to get everyone to laugh

At one place where we'd stopped for lunch, several people noticed a butt-print on the back of one of our vehicles, and this guy looking rather amused with himself. Once everyone had noticed and was aware of the situation, he proudly said, "Well, looks like the van got rear ended!"

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Elyezabeth
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2014
🚨︎ report
My friend dropped this one as we were driving over a bridge on a road trip across the state

"hey guys did you know that bridges generate static electricity? When we get over the center of the bridge touch the window"

We all touch the windows even though we have no idea where he is going.

"do you feel it? Do you feel the pane?"

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cortexgunner92
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2014
🚨︎ report
So my kids want to become a Boy Band

I went to their first practice, and they spent the whole time tripping over each other while trying to dance.

I guess they weren't N-Sync.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Calmfan5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Crossed a bridge over Goose Creek on a road trip

I turned to my girlfriend and said, "Look! Goose creek!"

After crossing over it and not seeing much i said, "Wasn't much to gander."

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DJReddyRed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2014
🚨︎ report
Long story about a tragedy that once happened to me.

A couple of years ago, one night, I was about to propose to my girlfriend when my roommate Joseph barged into the porch out of nowhere, tripped and fell over, breaking a glass table with his face. Totally ruined the mood. Now, I didn't know Joseph THAT well, don't even remember where he was from, but let' just say I put my plans on hold to help him through his injuries.

Joseph had gotten big glass shard in his eye, making him completely blind in that eye. He was walking around with one of those cotton pads on his eye for a couple of months. Then suddenly, he disappeared, along with my girlfriend

Apparently they'd bonded during the time after his injuries, and eloped together , left me behind without as much as a note. I tried to track them down, but never could.

In conclusion, if it hadn't been for cotton eye Joe, I'd have been married a long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from, cotton eye Joe?

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mickerallen100
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Tom absolutely loves tractors

A little boy named Tom was approaching his 3rd birthday, and absolutely adored the show "Tractor Tom", partially because of his name being spoken, and partially because he loved tractors.

As the day drew nearer, his parents decided to buy him a toy tractor as a gift. The rest of his toys were gone with the wind at this point, as Tom spent all his waking hours playing with this one tractor toy.

Fast forward a few years, and Tom's now approaching his 10th birthday, with his love for tractors intact and intensified. His parents discuss what to get for him, and decide that a ride-on tractor to replace his bike is the best gift they can give him.

Tom absolutely loves the gift, and spends all of his time out of school riding around the neighbourhood while his bike collects dust in the garage.

We come forward a few more years, as Tom approaches his 18th birthday, with an only intensified adoration of tractors. His father pulls him aside on the morning of his birthday, saying "Now son, I know that we've promised you a car, but we know what you really want."

He leads him outside, to a brand new tractor with a bow on it, saying that this is his welcome to adulthood.

Tom is beyond excited, and spends the next few months going everywhere in his tractor - grocery trips, bars, classes, friends' houses.....

Again, a few years later, Tom is driving down a back country road, in the middle of nowhere, with his tractor, in the middle of a storm. The tractor breaks down, and with no air conditioning or any form of modern comforts, Tom is in a miserable mood until someone finally comes past for him to flag down for help. After this, Tom realises that although tractors are fun, maybe they're not the best transport method out there.

Tom ages through a few more years, and finds himself driving down another road in the middle of nowhere in his car, and sees a house on fire just off the road. Being a good samaritan, he pulls over and heads up the driveway to a woman running out of the house screaming "Please, help, help! My baby is trapped in there! Go and call 911, please!"

Tom turns around, then, before leaving, has a brainwave.

He turns back and walks towards the flames, saying "Don't worry, ma'am, I've got this."

He takes a deep breath in, and the fire disappears into nothingness. As you'd expect, the woman is in awe, and asks, "Oh my God, how did you do that?!"

Tom simply responds, "Well you see ma'am, I'm an extractor fan."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Asurarkt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
The Coffin Joke

Three brothers are trick or treating near a shady house. Suddenly, a spider appears on the first brothers arm causing him to scream in shock. This causes the second brother to run away in fear only to get hit over the head by a dead tree branch. The third brother tries to escape but trips over a coffin. Filled with fright, the three brothers decide to go back home before they are stopped by a ghost that informs them, β€œThe items you have encountered today will kill you in exactly 20 years.” and vanishes into thin air. Understandably, the three brothers were terrified out of their wits and ran back to their house.

20 years later on Halloween, the first brother has booby trapped and spider-proofed his entire house. Unfortunately, he accidently runs into a wall causing a black widow to fall on his arm and killing him.

The second brother has prepared for many years and made sure that he was nowhere near any trees. However, he somehow miscalculated by one day and was killed when a lightning bolt struck a tree causing it to fall and crush him.

The third brother completely forgot about the ghost’s warning and was having dinner with his wife. His allergies were really acting up that night, so he decided to go to a pharmacy to purchase some allergy medicine. Suddenly, without any warning, the entire store goes dark and a giant coffin appears in front of him, opens up, and starts moving towards him. Remembering his frightful Halloween over 20 years ago, the brother starts desperately throwing everything in sight towards the coffin but to no avail. Now there is nothing else left other than a lone bottle of NyQuil. In one last brave attempt, the brother throws the bottle of NyQuil at the coffin and it miraculously vanishes.

Because NyQuil keeps the coffin’ away.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/schosple-collopis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Very fishy

Reporter goes to a brand new fish farm. The owner is showing her around. "These are our salmon, our trout are over there..." As the owner is speaking, reporter trips & her billfold falls into the nearest tank. It floats away, carried by the artificial current.

Reporter asks if the owner has a pool skimmer or something. Owner proudly says "No need, just watch - these fish are smart!"

Reporter watches as her billfold pops above the surface on the nose of a fish. The wallet is then tossed up, and another catches it.

This goes on until the last fish tosses the lost leather case into the reporter's hands. "That's amazing," she says.

Owner grins & says "Yep! We're proud of our carp-to-carp walleting!"

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/earthwulf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I almost successfully robbed a bank recently...

But there were some baby goats there using alchemy to paper money into coins near the exit. As I rushed out the door, I tripped over some of their stacks of coins, which knocked me out til the police showed up.

I was so close! And, honestly, I would have gotten away with it too... if it weren't for those metaling kids.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/parkerthedeal
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I just saw my wife trip over and drop the basket of clothes she just ironed.

I watched it all unfold.

πŸ‘︎ 141
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I tripped over my wife’s bra today,

It was a booby trap.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Partybomber3214
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I tripped over my girlfriends bra

seemed to be a booby trap.

πŸ‘︎ 990
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rickmartingt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I tripped over my wife's bra

It was a booby trap

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/southwoodhunter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I tripped over my wife's bra....

...It seemed to be a booby trap.

πŸ‘︎ 491
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Owlbear15
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I tripped over my girlfriends bra

seemed to be a booby trap.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rickmartingt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I tripped over my girlfriend's bra.

It was a booby trap.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ketchupchilli
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I walked into my wife's room and tripped over her bra...

It was a booby trap.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Just_John_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2018
🚨︎ report
I walked into the bedroom today and tripped over my wife’s bra...

It was a booby trap…

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a chicken who trips over its own feet?

Scrambled legs.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/electropriest
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2017
🚨︎ report
Trip

During a trip last fall, I tripped over and hurt my leg. It was not a good trip.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/matthewrmshin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 77
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.