Have you heard about the top secret bakery?

It's on a knead to dough basis

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flippantteacup
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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I COULD tell you a top secret combination of words which result in the instant death of anyone hearing or reading them..

But then I'd have to kill you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bermobaron
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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What do you call a top secret society of beverages?

The illuminatea

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
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Top Secret
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wehopeuchoke
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2013
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You'll never guess what I found on top of the secret files.

It was the top secret file.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bhattlebone
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
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I whispered to my kids, "Have you all heard about the top secret bakery?"

They all looked at me blankly, so I replied, "I didn’t think so, it’s on a knead to dough basis."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2017
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I have a top secret bread recipe

I'd tell you but, it's on a knead to dough basis

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2018
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Ever heard of the top secret group of whales that were spies?

If I were to tell you I'd have to krill you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kamikazepirates
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2017
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What movie is the quintessential dad joke movie?

I realize this isn't a joke, but it seems the best place to ask it. Hopefully the mods will let it ride. What movie is the quintessential dad joke movie?

My vote is "Top Secret!" with Val Kilmer in the mid 80s.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/02C_here
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
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Found this gem when sitting in a vacant cube in an office I travelled to this morning to work remotely.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stahrcrash
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
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If you don't think The Big Bang Theory is funny, make sure to buy the dvd and watch the extras.

Everyone knows the real jokes are always in the commentary.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
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β€œI feel like such a failure, doc. All my 5 boys want to be valets when they grow up.”

Doctor: WOW! That’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2018
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My Dad and I were in the elevator at work

My dad works on the 7th floor (of a 7 floor office building) and I work on the 5th. However, a guy quickly got into the elevator since he didn't want to wait for the next one. The guy chooses the 3rd floor and gets off when it's his floor. My dad looks at me and says "I didn't want to say anything but this elevator is quite odd today."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBaconator1990
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2013
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The Cheerio story

So once upon a time, there was a planet shaped like a cheerio. A small moon made of milk or tied the planet, going through the center of the donut shaped world. On this planet, lived an interesting species. They acted and lived similarly to us humans? But looked just like large Cheerios (with footings hands and feet like miis) Within this society there were levels of Cheerios: original, honey nut, and finally frosted. The originals were the backbone of the economy, doing the herd labor while the honey nuts ran the businesses and the frosted Cheerios (the top of the top) led the world. Our story today focuses on a single Cheerio. Born into an original Cheerio family, this lad learned the hard way how to work. From a young age, he was forced to get a job in the local milk refinery, where his dad worked. He grew up, and soon had a family of his own. His wife, son, and daughter all worked hard, but were happy. One day walking home from school, the kids found a runaway honey nut Cheerio pup, and decided to keep him. It wasn’t much, but it inspired our little Cheerio friend here. One day, he got fed up with taking orders, and demanded a raise. His entire family has worked in this one factory for three generations, and he wanted to move up in the world, not just for him but also his kids. His old boss however, did not have the power to promote this Cheerio, and he was forced to make a life changing decision: he would go to the refinery company and use every penny in the family savings account (under the bed) to try and get a higher position. After waiting on line for over a week, his appoint was finally here. After bickering and bargaining for hours, the refinery company boss saw a spark in this lad’s eye. He agreed to give this Cheerio a promotion to the honored honey nut glaze in exchange for everything this man owned, including the family’s prized honey nut dog. Was it worth it? Well pretty soon he owned his own milk refinery and was able to breed his own honey nut dogs, so yes, yes it was. Owning and operating the refinery went smoothly. Milk was transported from the moon to the planet using space busses, and the milk itself was funneled down to the refineries using large straws. After the milk was ready to drink, it was shipped off to be sold. He was happy working here, but eventually he realized it wasn’t enough. This Cheerio, once a simple original Cheerio wanted to follow the β€œAmerican dream” and do the best he could. He wanted to become a frosted Ch

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jackcrackaman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
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Star Wars Puns

From movie puns we provide you the funniest collection of Star Wars puns

What do you call 5 siths piled on top of a lightsaber? A Sith-Kabob!


Why does Princess Leia keep her hair tied up in buns? So it doesn’t Hang Solow!


Why shouldn’t you ask Yoda for money? Because he’s always a little short


What program do Jedi use to view PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi


What do you call a Mexican jedi? Obi-Juan Kenobi


What do you call the website Chewbacca started that gives out Empire secrets? Wookieeleaks


What do you call a Jedi in denial? Obi-Wan Cannot Be


Where does Princess Leia go shopping for clothing? At the Darth Maul


Greg: Which Star Wars character travels around the world? Craig: Who? Greg: Globi-wan Kenobi!


Matthew: What does a Star Destroyer wear to a wedding? Daniel: What? Matthew: Bow ties, of course!


Deen Why was the droid angry? Mark: Why? Deen People kept pushing its buttons.


Luke: Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road? Lei Not sure. Luke: To get to the Dark Side.


Darth Vader: I know what you’re getting for Christmas. Luke: How do you know? Darth Vader: I can feel your presents.


What do Whipids say when they kiss? Ouch.


What is a jedi’s favorite toy? A yo-yoda


What do you call a pirate droid? Argh2-D2


Where does Jabba the Hutt eat? Pizza Hutt


What is Jabba the Hutt’s middle name? β€œThe” Why is Han Solo a loner? Because he’s solo.


What do you call a Mexican jedi? Obi-Juan Kenobi What do you call a Sith who won’t fight? A Sithy.


What time is it when Darth Vader steps on your chronometer? Time to get a new chronometer.


What do you call a pirate droid? Arrrrgh-2-D2


Which side of a wookie has the most hair? The outside.


Where does Jabba eat dinner? Pizza Hutt


Who do Jedi call to help open PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi


What do you call someone that tries to be a Jedi? Obi-Wannabe


What do you call a bounty hunter from Alabama? Bubba Fett


What time is it when Jabba the Hutt sits on your blaster? Time to get a new blaster! Why is Luke


Skywalker always invited on picnics? He always has the forks with him.


Which imperial officer hated Thanksgiving? Grand Moff Turkeyn


What do you call stormtroopers playing Monopoly? Game of Clones


Why did

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
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We were looking at drug prices at work.

Coworker: This is a racket. How do they justify charging an extra $3000 for something like sodium bicarbonate?

Me: Right? It's not like it's some fancy, top-secret compound. It's pretty basic.

My other coworker is a chem major about to enter grad school. He made me go work in the corner for a while after that one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/C21H27Cl3N2O3
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2017
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I've been son-joked

I brought my son in to my office the other day, and he asked me why my filing cabinet had such a big lock on it.

"That's where I keep all my secret files," I replied.

"Ohh," he said, "So, then the stuff on the top drawer must be top secret."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2Lt-Obvious
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2013
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Have you all heard about the top secret bakery?

I didn't think so, it is on a knead to dough basis.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BLJ2273
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2017
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This is top secret...

This is bottom secret...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2018
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Don't tell anyone this

This is Top Secret

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This is Bottom Secret (Don't tell anyone this either)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
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