Some of them were pretty strange: only he could understand them and explaining the 'pun' to somebody else would take like half an hour. Anyway-
He said, "So I'll go first?"
I said sure.
I think he took "pun-a-thon" a bit too literally - he took out a marker and drew a point, and then he kept drawing this straight line (he's good at drawing straight lines) while taking how many ever steps back. I for one was concerned, because first off I didn't know how long I'd have to stick around for this, and second of all, I didn't know if I could clean the mess he'd inevitably leave behind.
He kept drawing this line! We stepped out of my living room, then my apartment which was on ground-level, and he kept drawing it. He drew his line all the way through the corridor, up until the entrance to the building, and when I kept asking him if he's done yet, he didn't say a word. I had to keep subtly reassuring security and everyone who was staring at my friend hunched over like that robot from Wall-E.
He stepped out of the building and kept on drawing his line. At this point I was trying to guess what the hell is the outcome. I kept screaming punchlines at him like "is this where you draw the line?", "are you going to punch me after this so this is a punchline?" and shit like that. There were people following us and two were taking videos and it was really fucking uncomfortable.
Right after he was outside the building and the premises, he started to draw this stunning drawing of the building right on the pavement. It was almost magical, as if he had been commissioned to make an ad for my place but for a million bucks. At this point the people who were following us didn't even get pissed off because they were so engrossed in his drawing. I was surprised the marker kept going on.
After about 20 minutes - he was a real quick draw (no pun intended) - he stood up and a crowd of two dozen clapped and cheered for him.
I told him, "Dude that looks fucking amazing, but I thought we were in a pun-a-thon. Why such a long set-up?"
He replied, "Yeah it was pretty drawn out."
(for more drawn-out jokes like this, visit r/feghoot!)
Don't ask meow.
2 years in and I still canβt speak to oranges.
Then dropped her off at her parentsβ house.
Not the Apple Watch she was expecting apparently.
We were waiting in the room and there were two models of the knee on the table. So I said, "Look! your doctor left two joints in here!"
I was really proud of that one. The eye roll was payment enough.
The person I took it from was horrified.
Doctor to my son: your heart is making sounds, "bu bump bu bump"...
3 year old son proceeds to dance.
Doctor: oh no, we need you to stay still for this.
Me: Can you blame him when you drop a sick beat like that?
It was some pretty good footage.
I feel much better now that my money is offshore
... ultimately I lost my case.
It was sole music.
As my co-workers gather round, she sobbed loudly "Daddy where are all the clowns you said you worked with?!"
The vet picked him up, looked around and said "I'm going to have to put him down"
"Why!" I exclaimed
"Because he's too heavy" said the vet.
She left me with No Doubt.
It came back negative
He ordered the sea food..... It didn't help!
Oof
Heβd been cooking up some sort of stew dβΓ©tat
But theyβre always jumping to conclusions!
β¦mute-ant
I think it was a pharmaceutickle
So I gave the Bucharest.
My farts were intense (in-tents)
... but if anything, it just made it more sluggish.
That's when I realised I was playing the Bee side.
He kind of glared at me and said that the first one was all he needed.
It was probably because the test-tickles
I guess she might be considered a s Sub-Woofer
Para Sailin w Sarah Palin.
Joe - "It was two tired"
Would it be Devil warship?
It used itβs sparrowchute
I said, now thatβs thinking outside of the box.
That's the morel of the story
...after about 20 mins, the vet brought my sweet dog out of the room.
"I'm sorry ,"he said sullenly, "I'm going to have to put your dog down."
"Why?"
"Cos he's really heavy."
Donβt ask meow.
Don't ask meow
But it just made him sluggish
