What word does one give to people from different backgrounds at the same time it’s a car game you place 1st in ?

Race

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaCk_Pinto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2022
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The Germans have a word for everything.

Specifically, alles.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dongwaffler
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2022
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Why did Trump smash so many plates against the wall?

He wanted to seem tough on china.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pootins_Mini_PP
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2022
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A group of linguists discussed what the word for the time between dawn and dusk should be

After a long, difficult discussion they decided to call it a day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notBjoern
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2021
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Every time I (an English teacher) correct my wife's misuse of a word, she laughs it off and says...

"That's why I get for marrying a linguinist!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jerodsanto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2022
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Did you know after a male bee has the sexy times it will die? I suppose its life can be summed up in three words.....

Honey. Nut. Cheerio!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shellzy866
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2022
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What word begins with the letter β€œE” and ends with the letter β€œE” and only has one letter in between?

Envelope

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryan_godzez
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2022
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I spend way too much time thinking up funny word play...

... but I really do like to puntificate.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/riptodake
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2022
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My pronouns are she/her, except when I'm on my period,

Then I go buy Hershey's.

(I told my dad this joke and he loved it so I figured if it made a dad laugh it could count as a dad joke)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MalicAcid_C4H6O5
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2022
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Everyone keeps telling me nothing rhymes with orange..

I don't think they rhyme at all

πŸ‘︎ 244
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πŸ‘€︎ u/grilled-pbj
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2022
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Think it is time to come up with a new word that means "vestigial"

it just seems outdated and useless

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maximusheadroom
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2021
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an unexpected emotional journey

My cousin (MtF) has just come out to the family- she told some of us "younger" ones but she was afraid especially of what her dad's reaction would be. He's a man of few words and was never outgoing or very affectionate to his kids, his side of the family is pretty conservative as well. A very as-seen-on-TV-in-the-90s dad with a handlebar moustache and multiple different-but-same polo t-shirts. Her mum passed a few years ago and they are even more distant than ever. It was finally the big day and she told him in front of a couple of us. The silence seemed to stretch on into the infinite. After some time, he got up, and without even a slight change in expression he said- "so I guess you can't see me now".

...

More silence

...

"Because I'm a transparent geddit?" With the most gigantic smile I've EVER seen him crack.

It's been 5 days and he's been cracking the same joke on every opportunity he can, ever since.

Edit- I forgot my favorite part- he asked her if she would like to add her mum's name in her new one because he missed saying it. I BAWLED my eyes out.

Edit2: obligatory I can't believe how much this blew up! We met at a family gathering yesterday and he was still chuckling so i decided to post this. I sent my cousin this post and she says he's very proud of himself. Thanks for all the awards! This is crazy!

I see that there was some confusion about the moustache description - we're a first generation Indian - Hindu family, and it's traditional especially for the older generation I think.

It's a cute moment, but not everyone is as positive. Some neighbors, people at school, a teacher or so (it's just a phase! you'll ruin your life!), and she's been handling calls all day from AH family members who only call for gossip.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dopeaminenotanime
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2022
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When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me Speaking words of wisdom,
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Whoopiskin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2021
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What's the difference between Betty White and Paul Walker?

Paul Walker made it to 100 before he died.

πŸ‘︎ 511
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hot-Campaign-4553
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2022
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cum puns still slaps
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arnavforever
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2022
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I learned the word "defenestrate" today.

I haven't had many chances to use it yet, but when I see a window of opportunity, I toss it out there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Einteiler
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2022
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Interviewer: Can you explain these 4 jobless years in your resume? Applicant: That's when I went to Yale.

Interviewer: Impressive! You are hired!

Applicant: Thanks, I really need this yob.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sm0klnj0e
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2022
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A list of over 350 Dad Jokes!

Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.

3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.

5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.

A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. β€œI’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. β€œSorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. β€œYou’re out of your head.”

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'

A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.

A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. β€œWe don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. β€œWhy not?” one yogurt asks. β€œWe’re cultured.”

A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.

A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.

A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, β€œWhat are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, β€œIt’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”

A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, β€œWhat’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, β€œArrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, β€œI don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Armed robbersβ€”some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.

Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.

Can February March? No, but April May!

Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!

Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.

Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bugasum
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2022
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Putin's Successor
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shiner_bock
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2022
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Why do the British say "I'm bri' ish"

Because they drank all the t

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Dogo_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2022
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Not a dad (I’m a teen girl) but I have quite a few ones I thought up last night!

Why was the Headless Horseman never invited to business parties?

πŸŽƒ Because he couldn’t get a-head in life.

What did the eye say to the other eye?

πŸ‘€ Eye see you.

Why didn’t the right-handed man ask the other man if he was alright?

πŸ‘ˆπŸ» The other man was left-handed.

Why is the letter U upset about televison?

πŸ“Ί Because U isn’t included in it.

How come the letter Y hates asking questions?

❓The response is always, β€œY, you ask?”

Why did the horse become a comedian?

🐴 He was very fun-neigh.

Why did Mrs. Banana leave Mr. Banana?

🍌 They had a split.

What do you get when you cross a doctor and a lemon?

πŸ‹ Lemon-aid.

Why do the spices argue a lot?

πŸ§‚ Because they’re salty.

Why did the noodle have to go to bed?

🍝 It was pasta-his bed time.

What did Mr. Volcano say to Mrs. Volcano?

πŸŒ‹ I lava you.

Why do the gardening tools hate Stacy?

πŸͺ΄ Stacy’s a hoe.

Why are you beautiful?

πŸ’•Because β€œBe you” is in the word itself.

The last one is more heartwarming than funny, but I thought it’d be included.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmilyJoestar_3v3
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2022
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Interviewer: Describe yourself in 3 words.

β€œNot good at counting”

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ok-Ingenuity4838
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2022
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I'm sick of you guys posting dumb wordplay in here for awards and upvotes.

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/diggitygiggitycee
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2022
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I finally disabled autocorrect on my phone

I was getting really tired of its shirt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brother_p
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2022
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Not a joke. But I wish it was.

I am not a dad. I am a daughter. For longer than I can remember, I have called my dad at "too early" times in the morning, woke him up, and told him a joke. This was a daily occurrence. Hence how I found this sub.

My dad died on Monday. You guys helped me wake him up with laughter so many times and I got to hear him laugh every day. Thank you r/dadjokes.

Edit: spelling

Wow I really did not expect so many people to see this post or to take the time to comment and reach out to me. Thank you all so much for your thoughts and kind words. It really means a lot. This is a great community and I'm so glad to have found it. As a mom to two beautiful little jokesters, I will absolutely continue pestering them with daily jokes and keep the tradition and the laughter alive.

For those asking, his favorite jokes were the really long ones that took forever to tell and had bad/ the best punchlines. The one that immediately sticks out was posted here either Sunday or Monday and was the last one I got to tell him. I will see if I can find it and figure out how to link. It was about a farmer who really loved tractors.

Thank you to the kind redditors who found it for me.

https://www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/comments/slwg7y/bit_of_a_story_to_this_one_but_well_worth_the_read/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

πŸ‘︎ 46k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndiPandi92
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2022
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A happily married man of 90 passed away...

His long-time wife was sitting in the first row at his funeral, when a man she didn't recognize came up and sat next to her.

"Do you mind if I say a word?" he asked. "No not at all. He meant so much to so many people."

The man walked up to the microphone and said: "PLETHORA" then sat back down.

Crying, the woman leaned over to him and said, "Thank you... That means a lot."

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HearKyleTait
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2022
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While in labor my wife yelled, "Can't, won't, shouldn't, isn't!"

The doctor told me I shouldn't be worried since contractions are a normal part of child birth.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Unicorn_Burrit0s
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2022
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The horn on my car broke...

... So I brought it into the mechanic, a man of few words.

"Insurance?" He asked.

"None" I replied.

"Get some," He said "Next time Beep repaired."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mal221
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2022
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How do non-binary Samurais kill peiple?

They/Them

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Most-Stomach4240
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2022
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My Dad: Can you tell me a sensible sentence that uses the word 'because', three times, consecutively?

Me: Not today, Dad.

My Dad: Give up. Let me tell you in his glorious beaming pride face

I use because, because, because is a conjunction.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yours_petpeeve
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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In a galaxy far far away....

Once upon a time an astronaut landed on an alien world. The world was full of trees and plants and wildlife. But one species in particular caught his eye. Short and round with huge feet, they were kind. They sang songs all day, drank, and made merry. After observing them from afar for many days, the astronaut decided to approach them and make first contact. Upon speaking to them, he found that they called themselves the Jibbles.

The astronaut lived amongst the Jibbles for many years and found that they used a unique series of toe rings as currency.Β  Unable to pronounce their word for the currency, he called them ToeKins, chuckling to himself at his pun.

As the years went by, the astronaut learned of a war-like race of Jibbles. They came to his village and raided their supplies. They beat up several of the sweet Jibbles, and they threatened the astronaut. Months of this had the sweet Jibbles exhausted, and the astronaut hatched a plan.

Taking all the gear from his spaceship, he snuck away to the mean Jibbles camp in the night. He met with their leader and offered him his wealth in order to buy a peace between their villages. Seeing the array of technology the astronaut had brought, the chief agreed to his terms. The astronaut asked for a sign of good faith he could show his village when he returned. So the chief removed one of his toe rings, took a knife, and sketched a crude picture of a jibble and the astronaut holding hands. This he gave to the astronaut.

Returning home, the astronaut declared that there was now peace amongst their villages! The Jibbles drank and made merry and everyone wanted to see the gift from the other tribe. Late that night, when everyone had gone to sleep drunk, the mean Jibbles snuck into camp and killed them all. Turning over the astronauts corpse, they found they couldn't remove the ring from his hand.

And that's why you shouldn't trust non-fun-Jibble-toekins.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MacAtack3
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2022
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What is the longest word in the English language?

Smiles. Theres a mile between each s!

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigBradWolf07
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2022
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I call it a lift. My American friend calls it an elevator.

I suppose we were just raised differently.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhyIsTheMoonThere
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2021
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I can sum up 2021 in one word

Five :)

πŸ‘︎ 942
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2021
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My wife has accused me of stealing her thesaurus…

Not only was I shocked, I was also aghast, appalled and dismayed.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/w0lvez__
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2021
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Accordian to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments often goes undetected…

Gotcha! Lol

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YT_JRGRAND
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2021
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Did you know that after a male bee has sexy time that he dies? His life can be summed up into 3 words….

Honey, nut, Cheerio!

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2021
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What do you call it when a language slowly changes over time to the point where by the end it’s an entirely new language with none of the original words?

The Ship of Thesaurus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dougmantis
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2021
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I tried to use "fortnight" as a password

The website said it's two week.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ApoQais
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2022
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My 4 year old actually got me with this one

4 y/o: "Knock knock"

Me: "Who's there?"

4 y/o: "Interrupting cow goes"

Me: "Interrupting cow go-"

4 y/o: "MOOOOOOOO!"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RexiiGirl
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2022
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Me to wife: What does 'nicht' mean?

Wife: It's "not" in german.

Me: That's good to know, but what does it mean?

πŸ‘︎ 365
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dragonfly55555
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2022
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I accidentally swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles.

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

πŸ‘︎ 892
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imhal9K
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2022
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I accidentally swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles...

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster!

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rayryeng
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2022
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Using one word, how do you get Doc Brown into his time machine?

Mandalorian

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
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My wife watched me put ten stamps on an envelope once. She said:

I think you should put one more on

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yestardays_gem
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2021
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Achievement unlocked - Received a handmade "Book o' dad jokes" for this father's day!

My kid surprised me today with a handmade book with dad jokes. Each joke had an associated graphic too as a bonus! I'm so happy I wanted to share the joy with you guys.

These are the 26 jokes (some I've learned from here, but a few of them I've never heard):

  1. I'm afraid for the calendar, its days are numbered.

  2. My wide said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That's a big step forward!

  3. What do a tick and the Eiffel tower have in common? They're both Paris sites.

  4. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated.

  5. A skeleton walks into a bar and says - I'll have a beer and a mop please.

  6. Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut.

  7. I don't trust trees, they're too shady.

  8. I don't trust stairs, they're always up to something.

  9. Did you hear the rumour about the butter? I did, but I'm not going to spread it!

  10. Why couldn't the bicycle stand by itself? Because it was two-tired.

  11. Why did Billy get fired from the banana packaging factory? He kept trowing away the bent ones.

  12. Why was math so sad? Because of all its problems.

  13. I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

  14. A guy walks into a bar and got disqualified from the limbo contest.

  15. Have you ever try to catch fog? I did once, but I mist.

  16. Why did the scarecrow get an award? Because it was outstanding in its field.

  17. What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.

  18. I Was going to tell you guys a joke about time travel, but you guys didn't like it.

  19. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

  20. What do you call a belt made of watches? A waste of time.

  21. Mountains aren't just funny, they're hill areas.

  22. Why are piggy banks so wise? Because they're filled with common cents.

  23. Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind, it's tearable.

  24. You know, people say they pick their noses, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

  25. What did zero said to eight? That belt looks great on you.

  26. To whoever stole my Microsoft office, I will find you. You have my word.

I hope you find a few new ones too in this list.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thinkB4Uclick
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2022
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[Request] In search of β€œWhoever Stole My…” jokes

I’ve been telling my son β€œwhoever stole my…” jokes and making him groan. I need more. Please help!

Whoever stole my coffee I don’t know how you can sleep at night Whoever stole my radiator the heat is on you Whoever stole my electronic repair kit you’re in for a shock…

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/michaelatdisney
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2021
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