Did you know that on average, people want 3 covers on their beds at all times?
It's just a blanket statement.
Which birds spend all their time on their knees?
630 is the best time on a clock!
This one time in the Himalaya, I saw a crazy buffalo with lots of hair on the back of its neck.
My first time on an escalator was so uplifting!…
…The second time though was more of a letdown.
Time magazine will do a series on high-profile fathers
It will be called Daddy Issues
My mom falls for this every time I come home ME: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
I said "her name was Reese something" and my mom replied "WITHERSPOON???" but I said, "No, with a knife"
I fail everyday to reach for work on time in the morning. I end up sleeping right through the buzzing clock.
What an alarming situation.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
It’s 4:30am and my 2 year old is sitting on my lap and we are watching Mickey’s Clubhouse for about the two billionth time.
I don’t remember the exact episode but everyone was getting ready for a dance. In my half awake, why can’t we watch something, anything else state, I start thinking, if Mickey and Minnie had kids, they be mice. Donald and Daisy, ducklings. But what kind of kids would Goofy and Clarabell have?
Then it hit me, Bulldogs!
When my wife eventually woke up I told her the joke and she groaned and left the room.
Why should you serve eggs benedict on a metal hubcap around Christmas time?
Because there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.
Here's a little tip on how to get straight A's, every time
I feel bad about myself each time I step on my electric scale. 210, 209, 211 - never seems to go down. But today I feel pretty good...
When I stepped on it this morning, it said "LOW".
My old dog has a hard time jumping up on the couch nowadays.
I think he has arf-ritis.
True story... A few years ago I was spending time with my parents and nephew. There's a pie in the oven and my nephew had an unfinished apple on the table. My nephew said he wanted some pie, but my dad commented on the half-eaten apple on the table.
I told my dad, "I think he just lost his appletite."
My ex and I split custody of the kids. We want them to have a great holiday so we each are spending equal time with them on December 25th
We’re simply halving a wonderful Christmas time
My father was so preoccupied with his studies on the origins of humans he never had time for me
He never once offered me an anthropology.
What don’t trees go on vacation in the winter time?
They usually don’t have any leave
One time on a date, my wife and I made some German pasta from scratch.
She really knows how to make a guy feel Spätzle🥰
I went to the lighting store for the first time on the weekend.
It was an illuminating experience.
I have a friend who's a koala, named Kerry. She really loves her tea. One time, she told me "I love to climb mountains, but I'd really love to drink my tea on Everest of all of them." when I asked why, she replied,
"then it would be the highest koala tea!"
My dad told me a story about the time he was checking into a hotel and a bunch of chess enthusiasts were going on and on about all the games they had won.
Dad asked them angrily to go away, and when they asked him why, he told them:
“I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
Every time I post on r/dadjokes, someone comments with a better version of my joke
I guess I suffer from premature ejokeulation
What kind of candy is never on time?
World scientists have collectively agreed on the most groundbreaking invention of all time!
What type of insect is always on time?
What time is it when the big hand is on 7 and the little hand is on 13?
I told my wife that she needs to stop learning gymnastics so that we can spend time and work on our marriage.
What's the best time of day on a clock?
I was sitting on the toilet when I realized that the time had changed from 11:59 to 12:00.
It was the same crap, just a different day.
What do you call a Chinese restaurant that pays its rent on time?
I'm not very good at reading the time on my analogue watch
One time I posted 10 jokes in a row, hoping at least one would make Dads laugh on r/dadjokes
Sadly, no pun in ten did.
My wife wants me to blow air on her any time she gets hot.
Did I tell you about my friend who moved to a cabin in the woods and kept extremely meticulous notes on his time there?
What time do ships run on?
Time to put on the costume
Every time I go to the liquor store, a dude comes out of nowhere to give me advice on what to buy.
He’s my spirit guide.
Edit: Thanks guys.
That's the last time I go on a road trip with Bugs Bunny
It's always "I should've taken the left at Albuquerque" this and that!
Would you like to read my book on time management?
Yes. These pages are blank.
I just saved you three hours.
All credit to Dilbert by Scott Adams.
6:30 is the best time on a clock...
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
Whats the best time on the clock?
Six thirty is the best time on a clock.
6:30 is the best time on the clock
6:30 is the best time on a clock.
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