Three D Radio Puns

(From Abbott and Costello’s radio show, December 30, 1943)
Lou Costello: Oh, Abbott, the worst thing just happened to me!
Bud Abbott: No!
Lou Costello: Yeah, Mrs. Niles gave me a dog for a Christmas present, and the dog just took a great big bite out of me!
Bud Abbott: Where did he bite you?
Lou Costello: Well, if I’d have been wearing a license plate, he’d have gotten the last three numbers.
Bud Abbott: Where did this happen?
Lou Costello: Well, let me see, where did this happen — in a crowded streetcar. It was the first time I ever gave my seat to a dog.
Bud Abbott: Well, never mind that. What kind of a dog did Mrs. Niles give you?
Lou Costello: Do you remember that famous dog, Strongheart?
Bud Abbott: Yes, I remember Strongheart.
Lou Costello: Well, this is his brother — Weak Stomach.
Bud Abbott: Listen, I’m not talking about that. What is the dog’s breed?
Lou Costello: What does he breed? He breeds through his nose, like you and me!
Bud Abbott: No, no, no, you dummy, what kind of dog is he? Spitz?
Lou Costello: No, but he drools a little.
Bud Abbott: Look, there are different types of dogs, such as Setters, and Pointers, …
Lou Costello: That’s it, Abbott! He’s a Setter-Pointer!
Bud Abbott: A Setter-Pointer?
Lou Costello: Yeah, he sets all day and points at the icebox! (Editor’s note: we now call an “icebox” a “refrigerator”)

Went shooting at an outdoor range. With my 11 year old boy. After putting 1000 rounds down range, we headed home. While driving home after like 10 mins...

Me, "my ears are messed up, the radio and the tires sound funny".

Son, (holding up three finger) says,"how many fingers am I holding up?"

Me, "What, I said my ears are messed up not my eyes!"

Son, (still holding up his fingers yells at the top of his lungs) "HOW MANY FINGERS AM I HOLDING UP?"

Im still laughing!

Heard this one on the radio during the Sunday Puzzle segment on NPR's Weekend America yesterday. A grandfatherly contestant on the program (named Gérard) asked this riddle of NYTimes puzzlemaster and Yale enigmatologist Will Shortz:

"Two cats are competing to see who would win in a race swimming across the English Channel. The cats' names are One-Two-Three Cat and Un-Deux-Trois Cat. Who won?"

Shortz was stumped. The contestant answered the riddle saying:

"The English cat, One-Two-Three Cat won because Un-Deux-Trois-Quatre-Cinq."

Radio Jockey Randy : Okay caller, here is the final question for $5,000 cash.

Contestant : I’m ready, Randy!

Radio Jockey Randy : Name three automobiles that start with ‘P’.

Contestant : Uh ... Porsche, Pontiac and Plymouth!

Radio Jockey Randy : Oh, I’m sorry contestant, those all start with GAS!