Spine.
I’m on season eight. Still not sure what this has to do with security.
The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.
Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.
The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:
"What's sarong with that?"
I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).
His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.
--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)
--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.
Because if Apollo-F crashed, they’d have to make an Apollo-G.
Anyone who arrived late to one of his dinner parties received a cold shoulder.
Post office
But I never managed to put a set together.
Miss Lead!
..Y'know, because Lead is Pb on the periodic table..? All of my friends (okay fine, all one of my friends) just stared at me when I told him.. Thought you folks might appreciate it a little more...
I was puttering around the kitchen legit just now when my dad came in and said: "Hey, son; I got you a new--well, a used iPad."
I turn, really surprised, until he hands me a rather dusty and faded blue eye cover for sleeping.
"It's a used eye pad," he said, eyes full of that "I found a really bad dad joke" delight.
.....
.....Bless my dad's soul.
But it bombed.
We're currently filming the pilot
Happy No L!
Because it drank water like everything else.
Spine.
it’s Pi
I said "no, I think they're supposed to smell like that."
They become quite angry.
The dad says, "Of course. Where do you think #2 pencils come from?"
Because they're all not 'C's.
It was an addition edition audition.
He said "I don't think that's a weakness"
"Well I don't give a f* what you think"
I think she is in love with me.
An assassin
.
Edit: thank you guys so much for the rewards! I was told this joke from my 9 year old sister, she was well chuffed to see all the votes and people thinking she was funny
For example, I know what all you are thinking right now. "It's spelt psychic, you idiot. "
I think I have truss issues
How do you kill a blue elephant? (How?) With a blue elephant gun.
How you you kill a pink elephant? (With a pink elephant gun?) No, you hold its trunk til it turns blue then shoot it with the blue elephant gun
Why do elephants paint their toenails red? (No clue...?) So they can hide in cherry trees
Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? (Of course not) Then clearly it works
Now I'm thinking, "Do dwarves put on clothes differently to the rest of us. "
"Well son , now that you have got a kid of your own, i think it's time to give you this."
"Dad you don't mean-"
"Yes son ,i do" Dad pulls out the copy of 1001 Dad Jokes,5th Edition
"Dad... i am honoured..." , He says , tears sparkling in his eyes.
"Hi honoured" , replies his father , "i'm dad".
I said, “No, I think most kids smell that way.”
NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L...
