I remembered dad jokes were a thing. Here have one.

DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.

MOM: Oh my! Who!?

DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?

MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????

DAD: No, it was with a knife...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xavier_potato
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s the worst thing you can remember doing when drunk?

I remember I came home one night and fixed a dartboard to the ceiling.

Spent the rest of the night throwing up.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pheebsbrown
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I woke up on top of my house this morning, and the last thing I remember was going to the bar...

I’m afraid someone roofied me

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jvanzandd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I remember the last thing my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket, it was...

β€œHey how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SouperDumb
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Remember that scandal where they used horse meat in lasagna? Good thing it wasn't donkey meat

Lots of people would have eaten ass without realizing it

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Otto_Partzzz
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My son wanted some girl advice, so I told him, β€œIf you are intimidated by a date, remember one thing.”

They are just big raisins.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2018
🚨︎ report
I remember the first time I bolted two things together with metal fasteners.

That was a riveting experience.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
🚨︎ report
The Covid19 situation has been particularly stressful for the Flat Earth Society.

They fear social distancing measures will push someone over the edge.

πŸ‘︎ 294
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MissMoops
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
My math teacher called me average...

How mean!

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JayZGatsby
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
When in a brawl, there’s one thing to remember

Fist thing’s fist

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZaraMave
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
If you are ever feeling like you don’t know your place in the universe, just remember: You and the universe came from the same thing

A Big Bang

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brentobot
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Whenever you wanna join the airforce, just remember one thing...

You can never VTOL enough

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mextricon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I remember as a kid my dad got fired from his job as a road worker fir theft. I refused to believe he could do such a thing but when i got home, the signs were all there.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bignate1213
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
🚨︎ report
There's one important thing that you should always remember

and it's... uh...

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToxianLeader
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
🚨︎ report
After watching me read β€œWar and Peace”, my son asked me, β€œDad, why is the book so thick?”

Me: Well, it’s ......a long story.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
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My wife acts like she doesn't know that I'm Joking

But then, I remember that she is JoQueen.

My children do the same thing, but then they're just kidding

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeadlyHilarious
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb?

Let's go ride bikes!

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I have a perfect memory.

I honestly can’t remember a single time I’ve ever forgotten anything.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Request for help remembering a joke

Hello,

I am requesting help with remembering a joke. Posts of this type did not seem to be against the subreddit's rules, but if I am in error, please let me know and delete my post.

Anyway, here is what I remember of the joke:

It is movie themed and it says something like this: "There should be a post-apocalyptic zombie movie with a romantic comedy element. Then we would have the world's first rom-com-zom-dom-bomb." The only thing is that I forget what the "dom" was supposed to mean and whether or not there is more to this joke, either in the set-up or the punchline. I googled it to no avail. Any help is appreciated.

Thank you

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ontoforever
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
karennnn...
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryannbajaj
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw an ad in a shop window, β€œTelevision for sale, $1, volume stuck on full”, I thought

β€œI can't turn that down.”

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CulturedGrass
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I used to hate facial hair

But then it grew on me

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Im_Saying
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
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I matched with a chicken on tinder today
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Saltythebaker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2018
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My great grandfather always used to say to me that there were three types of people in this world

Those who can count, and those who can not.

(Another post reminded me of this. The great grandfather of mine in question passed away 4 years ago. He also always used to tell me β€œwater is for bathing, always remember that” while he drank a glass of anything alcoholic. Funny thing is he only drank like one small glass a day. Sorry for rambling).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/J4keFr0mStatef
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Figs
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/birofunk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Funny 'Dads Anonymous' story to share for the holiday weekend.

"Welcome everyone to Dads Anonymous. Again my name is Bill and you will notice that we have a new member, please welcome Gary -- Can you tell us what brought you to us today?"

"Well I have a very embarrassing confession. It's even hard to get the words out."

Bill reassures him, "We are all dads here and have been meeting for decades, we've been through all the highs and lows, births and deaths, tragedies, we've heard it all. Just tell us what's on your mind son, we are here to support each other."

"Well, a couple months ago, I broke both my legs in a motorcycle accident and couldn't walk, so I let my wife use the lawnmower." He says through the sobs...

Bob, one of the other dads, starts to get pale. "...and she didn't even cut it in a crisp geometric pattern, it was just random..." Bob starts to sweat and get dry heaves. "YOU BASTARD", he screams. "HOW COULD YOU LET THAT HAPPEN." The dads rise and get ready to beat the crap out of Gary, when Bill stands between them and breaks it up.

"Guys! Guys, we all get weak sometimes and things happen outside our control. Doug, you remember when you were in recovering from Chemo and you gave your wife a hammer, and she used it to hammer a roofing nail into the drywall to hang a picture!" Doug, looks down in shame, "Yes, that was a bad day, I was so weak. She missed the stud and left a dent in the wall, and she just hung the picture over it, crooked!" There was dead silence. "Thats ok Doug, it was twenty years ago, you were young and foolish, you can let it go". Then all the dads shook hands and sat back down.

Bill starts the meeting up again. Then Gary says, "..theres one more thing, Right after I got out of the hospital, she wanted to make a special dinner for us, so I let her grill the steaks..." "OH LORD THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" screams Dave, another dad, his face turning red. Gary continues "...she burnt them one one side and they were dry and chewy." Now there is a bedlam, one dad immediately passes out cold, chairs are thrown, broken bottles, Gary is on the ground being kicked in the ribs. After a few tense minutes Bill managed to get the dads off of Gary. "Stop it, Dave you're killing him. Come on, you remember that time you let your wife go to the repair shop for an oil change?" Dave hung his head, and muttered yeah. "They convinced her to change the cabin filter, wiper blades and the radiator collant..." Bill kept prodding "and, aaand" ...Dave broke down, "and she bought a jug of blinker fluid!" T

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Me and my wife were on the sofa last night, getting all hot and steamy..

She whispered in my ear "Shall we take this upstairs"? I replied "Go on then, you grab this end and I'll get the other"

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mudpucket1969
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2018
🚨︎ report
I just dad joked my accounting professor and made her cry from laughing.

Someone asked about extra credit.

Professor: "I'm sorry I don't give extra credit in this class"

Me: "yeah but do you give extra debit?"

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAugustusCaesar
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2017
🚨︎ report
An English lady, while vacationing in Switzerland, fell in love with a small town and the surrounding countryside.

She asked the pastor of a local church if he knew of any houses with rooms to rent that were close to town, but out in the country. The pastor kindly drove her out to see a house with a room to rent. She loved the house and decided to rent the room. Then, the lady returned to her home in England to make her final preparations to move to Switzerland.

When she arrived back home, the thought occurred to her that she had not seen a β€œW.C.” in the room or even down the hall. (A W.C. is short for β€œwater closet” and is what the English call a toilet.) So she immediately emailed the pastor to ask him where the β€œW.C.” is located.

The Swiss pastor had never heard of a β€œW.C.,” and so he Googled the abbreviation and found an article titled β€œWayside Chapels.” Thinking that the English lady was asking about a country church to attend near her new home, the pastor responded as follows:

Ms. Smith,

I look forward to your move. Regarding your question about the location of the W.C., the closest W.C. is situated only two miles from the room you have rented, in the center of a beautiful grove of pine trees. The W.C. has aΒ maximum occupancy of 229 people, but not that many people usually go on weekdays. I suggest youΒ plan to go on Thursday evenings when there is a sing-along. The acoustics are remarkable and the happy sounds of so many people echo throughout the W.C.

Sunday mornings are extremely crowded. The locals tend to arrive early and many bring their lunches to make a day of it. Those who arrive just in time can usually be squeezed into the W.C. before things start, but not always. Best to go early if you can!

It may interest you to know that my own daughter was married in the W.C. and it was there that she met her husband. I remember how everyone crowded in to sit close to the bride and groom. There were two people to a seat ordinarily occupied by one, but our friends and family were happy to share. Β I will admit that my wife and I felt particularly relieved when it was over. We were truly wiped out.

Because of my responsibilities in town, I can’t go as often as I used to. In fact, I haven’t been in well over a year. I can tell you I really miss regularly going to the W.C. Let’s plan on going together for your first visit. I can reserve us seats where you will be seen by all.

Sincerely,

Pastor Kurt Meier

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife saw it coming. The cashier did not.

While shopping with the wife today, we found a Lego set on our niece's wishlist that was even cheaper than Amazon. So, naturally, we jumped on it. Going through checkout, I looked at the box, then I looked at my wife. All I said to her was that I hope she would forgive me for what I was about to do. Her response: "don't you dare."

Fast forward 15 seconds, and it's our turn in line. As the cashier is about to scan the toy, I pointed out that the set has 446 pieces. "Is that ok for the 10 items or less line?" My wife quickly told her to ignore me.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spongebue
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2015
🚨︎ report
One of my grandpas dad-joked my other grandpa...

So my two grandfathers we talking to each other at a family dinner, and got on the topic of work history.

Grandpa 1 was saying how he went from being a florist to a manager at a car factory. Grandpa 2 asked how he came about making such a dramatic career change.

Grandpa 1: "Well I always was a plant manager."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2015
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My wife is a better dad than me!

So yesterday I found a toy car in the freezer that my 1 year old son had put there. In telling my wife the story I told her that I was disappointed that it was a car, since: if it was a shoe I could say it was cold feet, and if it was a phone he was trying to cold call someone.

My wife, completely deadpan, responds:

"He was looking for a cool ride"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr_Nik
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2016
🚨︎ report
Bar talk: Dude 1: What was that song by Eric Burdon again; something about love is on fire? Dude 2: Yeah. Yeah. "Love is a burnin' thing, and it makes a fiery ring..."

Dude 3: I think it was Hotel California. "Last thing I remember, I was running for the door..."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Abbott and Costello talk about Lou's new dog

(From Abbott and Costello’sΒ radio show, December 30, 1943)
Lou Costello: Oh, Abbott, the worst thing just happened to me!
Bud Abbott: No!
Lou Costello: Yeah, Mrs. Niles gave me a dog for a Christmas present, and the dog just took a great big bite out of me!
Bud Abbott: Where did he bite you?
Lou Costello: Well, if I’d have been wearing a license plate, he’d have gotten the last three numbers.
Bud Abbott: Where did this happen?
Lou Costello: Well, let me see, where did this happen β€” in a crowded streetcar. It was the first time I ever gave my seat to a dog.
Bud Abbott: Well, never mind that. What kind of a dog did Mrs. Niles give you?
Lou Costello: Do you remember that famous dog, Strongheart?
Bud Abbott: Yes, I remember Strongheart.
Lou Costello: Well, this is his brother β€” Weak Stomach.
Bud Abbott: Listen, I’m not talking about that. What is the dog’s breed?
Lou Costello: What does he breed? He breeds through his nose, like you and me!
Bud Abbott: No, no, no, you dummy, what kind of dog is he? Spitz?
Lou Costello: No, but he drools a little.
Bud Abbott: Look, there are different types of dogs, such as Setters, and Pointers, …
Lou Costello: That’s it, Abbott! He’s a Setter-Pointer!
Bud Abbott: A Setter-Pointer?
Lou Costello: Yeah, he sets all day and points at the icebox! (Editor’s note: we now call an β€œicebox” a β€œrefrigerator”)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfraymond
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad at my Grandmother's Funeral

My grandmother was cremated and we were having a service to pay our respects. I was scared and didn't want to go up to the altar alone so my dad went with me.

We stood there, side by side, and stared in reverent silence at the small simple wooden box which was holding my grandmother's ashes. After a minute or so passed my father bowed slightly, leaning in with what I assumed would be words of wisdom and said, "your grandmother was a lot smaller than I remember."

I had to fight just not to bust out laughing in a room full of mourners.

I was told to cross post this here from an askreddit thread yesterday

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2014
🚨︎ report
Reminder: Please don't include the punchline in the topic.

Howdy punsters!

Please remember when posting to /r/puns that the punchline should be in the post itself, not the topic. Puns should be self-explanatory. If you have to explain it, please do so in the comments. We've had a lot of puns lately, especially images, ruined before clicking on them when the whole thing was spoiled in the topic line.

Up to now, we've been assigning "for shame" flair when this happens, but it's become very common lately. As a result, posts with punchlines in the topic will be removed.

Thanks!

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Batshit_Betty
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2018
🚨︎ report
I remember the last thing your grandpa said before he kicked the bucket... it was:

"Hey, how far do you think i can kick this bucket?"

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JosephA420
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Remember that scandal where they used horse meat in lasagna? Good thing it wasn't donkey meat

Lots of people would have eaten ass without realizing it

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whygru
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I remember the last thing my Granddad said to me before he kicked the bucket.

He said, "watch me kick this bucket"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djnewton123
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I still remember the last thing my grandpa said to me before he kicked the bucket

"How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/byezybaybay
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I still remember the last thing my grandpa said to me before he kicked the bucket

"How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weetabix_gryphon
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I will always remember the last thing my grandmother said to me before she kicked the bucket.

She said β€˜look how far I can kick this bucket’.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jovis18
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
🚨︎ report
The one thing that you should remember...

The one thing you should remember is, uh... oh shoot I forgot!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToxianLeader
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
There are three things I can never remember.

1.... 2.... 3....

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fadeawayshotz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2017
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
They say that as you get older, the first thing to go is your memory...

But I can't remember the second thing.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Talon184
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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