A list of puns related to "The Women's Room"
ABSENTEE A missing golfing accessory
AUTOBIOGRAPHY The carβs logbook
AVOIDABLE What a bullfighter tries to do
BERNADETTE The act of torching a mortgage
BOOKCASE Litigation about a novel
BURGLARISE What a crook sees with
CABBAGE The fare you pay to a taxi driver
CAUTERISE Made eye contact with her
COUNTERFEITERS Workers who put together kitchen cabinets
DILATE To live long
ECLIPSE What an English barber does for a living
EYEDROPPER A clumsy ophthalmologist
GRANARY Home for old women
HEROES A guy manning the oars in a boat
HUMBUG Singing insect
LEFT BANK What the robber did when his bag was full of money
MISTY How golfers create divots
NONDESCRIPT Italian actors ad-libbing
NITRATES Cheaper then day rates
PARADOX Two physicians
PARASITES What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower
PHARMACIST A helper on the farm
POLARISE What penguins see with
POST OPERATIVE A letter deliverer
PRIMATE Removing your spouse from in front of the TV
RECOVERY ROOM A place to do upholstery
RELIEF What trees do in the spring
RUBBERNECK What you do to relax your wife
TERMINAL ILLNESS Getting sick at the airport
SELFISH What the owner of a seafood store does
URINE Or youβre out
One of my coworkers is a transsexual. He (formerly she) was telling me about some of his struggles.
"I had to go up to the corporate level in order to be able to use the restroom. Some people here were uncomfortable with me using either the mens or women's room when they found out."
"So, what you're telling me is. You had to fight for your right to potty?"
At first he facepalmed and sighed, admittedly I was a little worried I might have offended him... But he did get a chuckle out of it.
RETIRED HUSBAND
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to WalMart. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local WalMart:
Dear Mrs. Harris:
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.
August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.
October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.
October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;
'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
So I'm proud to say I made my first dad joke not even 5 min after my son way born.
After he came out, the doctor weighed my son. Doctor said "wow look at the size of those hands!".
Which I had to reply instantly " you know what they say about babys with big hands eh?!?" .... "big gloves" !!
To whole room cracked up and my women just sighed and said. "Really.."
My wife said she was protecting her. I said "no, you just can't have two women in a room without one of them getting catty."
She left the room, came back, told me that was a terrible joke, and left again. I was very pleased with myself.
Within animal puns, we provide you the funniest bundle of fish puns
What did the fish say when he posted bail? βIβm off the hook!β
Why donβt fish like basketball? Cause theyβre afraid of the net
Which fish can perform operations? A Sturgeon!
What do you call a fish with a tie? soFISHticated
What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish? A Loan shark!
How do you make an Octopus laugh? With ten-tickles
Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing? Just for the halibut!
Why donβt fish play basketball? Because there afraid of the net.
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.
What do you call a fish that needs help with his or her vocals? Autotuna
Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
What is the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano but you cannot tuna fish.
Why did Sally go to the Lake after her brothers teased her? To fish for compliments.
What did the blind man say when he passed the fish market? Good morning ladies.
What did the salmon say when he swam into a wall? Damn!
Whats the best way to catch a fish? Have some one thow it at you.
How do you make a fish laugh? Tell a whale of a tale.
What happens when you drink like a fish? You piss like a fire hose.
Did you know the Octopus is the only fish that can squirt ink? Just Squidding.
What does the pope eat during lent? Holy mackerel!
What did the fish say when he posted bail? βIβm off the hook!β
Why donβt fish like basketball? Cause theyβre afraid of the net
Which fish can perform operations? A Sturgeon!
What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish? A Loan shark!
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing? Just for the halibut!
Why donβt fish play basketball? Because there afraid of the net.
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.
What do you call a fish that needs help with his or her vocals? Autotuna
Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
What is the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano but you cannot tuna fish.
Why did Sally go to the Lake after her brothers
... keep reading on reddit β‘This happened years ago when "Eat, Pray, Love" was coming out in theaters. So my mom is watching Oprah and she's interviewing these 3 fairly fat women, almost to the point of obese. My dad walks through the room and asks my mom, "Oh, are those the producers of 'Eat, Pray, Love"? My mom said no. He came back with, "So then they're the producers of "Eat, Eat, Eat".
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