Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
What vessels sail the waters of the Chinese internet?
What letter holds the most water?
C.
(My eight-year-old just told me this and got me.)
what did the depressed water park attendant think of at the top of a high rise building?
Condensation really isn't the best way to water your lawn...
Instead of water, I accidentally put RedBull in the the back of my coffee maker this morning.
I was halfway to work before I realized I forgot my car.
A German tourist jumped off to the freezing water to save my precious dog who was drowning.
After he climbed out he said, "Here is ze dog, dry him off and he vill be fine."
I said, "Are you a vet?"
To which he replied, annoyed; "Vet? I'm fucking zoaking."
How do you tell the sex of an ant? You drop it in water. It sinks: girl ant. It floats:...
My friend in the country couldn’t afford his water bill...
So I sent him a ‘Get Well Soon!’ card.
My wife just yelled that I should fall in a pit or hole sunk into the earth to reach a supply of water and die.
Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?
He had a very esteemed colleague.
Do you know why scuba divers flip backwards when going into the water?
Because if they flipped forward, they'd fall into the boat.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
A guy came into the store today and wanted a powdery substance that hardens when adding to water...
That's it... he gave no concrete details.
My brother dug a hole in the ground, filled it with water then designed a moving staircase that was powered by it.
That well escalated quickly!
Upon seeing a gorgeous girl at the party, I knew I had to meet her. So I approached and told her about a special-purpose ship designed to move and navigate through frozen waters, and provide safe waterways for other boats and ships.
I've used it before and it works. It's the perfect icebreaker.
I tried to skip the line in the water park
But i got caught and they wouldnt let it slide
Dad: What weighs more? A gallon of water or a gallon of butane? Son: they both weigh the same.
Dad: wrong. Water is a fluid and butane is a lighter fluid!
Edit: credit to u/Kelly240361
You can easily know ant’s gender by putting them on the water
If it sinks, girl ant, if it floats, buoyant.
TIL: Two elephants of the same herd won’t go into the same body of water together at the same time.
It’s because they only have one pair of trunks between the two of them.
Found out my son jumped the water by the docks
Recent studies are examining the effects of replacing birdbath water with alcohol
Its bird-gin-ing research.
I hired someone to dig a hole in the ground to get water...
Rest In piece the water i boiled
Why did Vice Squad raid the water treatment plant?
They'd received a tip about a bunch of Pumps and Hoses.
(I'm sorry. I just got off work, heard "pumps and hoses" on the radio, and a bad idea was born.)
A man was tired of drinking well water as he didn't like the taste. In fact, he hated it so much that he decided to destroy the well using dynamite. Unfortunately...
What did the water plant worker say when their facility flooded?
Scientists recently performed an experiment to figure out the gender of an ant. They would place them in a tub of water.
If they sank, girl ant. If they floated, buoyant.
My dad stole water from the sink.
In other words, he mugged it.
Pretend you are on a raft in the middle of the ocean surrounded by sharks. You only have a one day supply of water and a harpoon. What do you do?
While we were out on the lake, my girlfriend swore she saw a bird dive into the water...
Two cowboys walking through the plains, no food or water, death imminent. When through hazy vision one of them spies a tree, covered in bacon by an oasis of pure clean. One cowboy hide behind a rock, as his confused friend runs to the tree... only to be gunned down by some bandits.
The second cowboy is relieved to be alive, and thankful that he knew that that was no bacon tree.
It was a ham bush
There was so much water on the pitch of my daughter's football match this morning.
They needed to bring on the Sub early.
What did the pasta say after the chef didn't drain all the water?
"I'm getting a re-straining order!"
Teacher asked “What is the formula of water?” Student said “H I J K L M N O” teacher said “that’s not the formula of water”
Student said “you said the formula was H to O”.
My server slammed a glass of water down, tossed a spoon with a knife on the table and stomped off back to the kitchen. I pondered about their attitude for a moment and then it hit me...
They just didn't give a fork...
My son tried to make me a rest bed with a built-in water station, but the water kept squirting out.
I smiled and told him, "Hey, it's the cot that founts!"
Why did shaggy go to the under water disco?
If you throw a pair of fins in water, they'll float. But if you throw one Fin in the water
I saw a guy drink a bottle of brandy, then fill it to the top with water and screw the lid back on.
He approached a wild ox. The ox looked at him.
The guy said, "Hello, there, wild ox. Would you like to buy this bottle of brandy from me? £50, that is all."
The wild ox mulled it over, before pulling out the money and handing it over to the man.
In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have jumped up and yelled, "It's a con, yak!"
What did the cup of water say to the man?
"If you drink me I'll be pissed"
Did you hear about the sentry for the waste water treatment plant?
My friend saw I was upset the other day and he said "It could be worse. You could be an irrigated hole in the ground surrounded by brick work that people use to get water"
It didn't help, but I knew he meant well
Did you guys hear about the old man who fell in the hole that had water in it?
Yeah i guess he couldnt see that well
What did the beaver say when he slipped in water?
I forgot all about the balloon I attached to the water hose outside!
Edit: oh wow, this blew up!
A german tourist jumped in the freezing water to save my dog. After he climbed out, he said, “here is ze dog, dry him off and keep him warm, he vill be fine. I asked him, “are you a vet?”
He said, “vet? I’m fucking soaking”
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