My wife asked me to pick up a single lemon at the grocery store
But I have no idea how to tell if a lemon is in a relationship or not
I bought a massive Christmas tree at the weekend. The guy in the store asked "Are you planning on putting it up yourself?"
I said "Nah, I'll probably just put it up in the living room"
A sweater I purchased was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store.
They gave me another one, free of charge.
A taekwondo student walks up to the seller in a doughnut store. What did the seller say?
I was in town earlier on looking for some fly killer. I picked up a can and asked the young store assistant "Excuse me, is this any good for wasps?"
"No" he said, "It kills them"
Rick Astley rents the movie Up from the rental store, 3 weeks later he gets a call from the rental store employees saying that his rental is 3 weeks overdue, what does Rick Astley say?
This morning, I told my Australian friend that the store was having a sale, and that he should check it out. He looked up at me, took out his earphones and said...
My wife and I met at the store when we were both buying a copy of the Disney movie “up”
It was the perfect meet cute and we kept both copies even after getting married. It was sweet. Not all things are meant to last and when things got a bit rocky we decided to get divorced. I let her keep the apartment and moved my stuff out. Unfortunately, we live in one of those states that mail out ballots. She sent me a text a week after I had left to let me know my ballot had come to the apartment. We had ended things amicably, but neither of us wanted to see each other so soon. Committed to my civic duty, I dropped by after work the next day. When she opened the door she was in tears. She had me come in and I immediately saw it, I had forgotten to take my copy of the movie. Somehow, this felt more final than actually signing the divorce papers. I still cared about her, so I asked if she wanted to talk at all. She shook her head and said through tears, “Just take your Up, vote and go.”
The Lego store near me just opened up again and it was crazy!
People were lined up for blocks!
Businesses are starting to open up. In fact, the LEGO store is open now, but I recommend staying away for a while.
People will be lined up for blocks.
A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog, bends down as if to pet it, then picks it up by the tail and begins spinning it over his head. It created quite the ruckus, so an employee ran over and asked the man if he needed help.
"No thanks, just looking around."
While my kids were colouring with markers I fell asleep on the couch. The little buggers thought it would be funny to draw all over my face to make me look like "the devil". I woke up and went to the grocery store to do our weekly shopping & didn't realise what had happened until I got home.
What do you call it when the grocer fails to clean up a mess in the store?
A wrecked aisle dysfunction.
I went to the store yesterday to pick up 6 cans of sprite
It wasn't till I got home that I realised I'd picked 7-up!
I had a guy come up to me at the store the other day as I was browsing the candy section and proclaimed "I refuse to eat Werther's originals!" Confused, I asked "Why's that?"
The duck walked up to store
And asked the man: “do you have chapstick?”.
The man said: “yes, you don’t have money though, do you?”.
The duck said: “no, just put it on my bill”
A wife asked her husband to go to the store and pick up a loaf of bread
“If they have eggs, get a dozen” she said. A half hour later, the husband comes home with 12 loaves of bread
A guy walks up to the convenience store counter and tries to buy a six pack with a fake $20 bill.
The elderly woman clerk quickly realized it was fake and became enraged!! She started screaming, grabbed his hair and slammed his head on the counter until he was out cold.
She was SO upset she had a counter fit.
Went into a Salvation Army store and saw a radio. It was turned up full blast but the volume knob was missing. It only cost 1 dollar.
I said boy I can’t turn this down.
I went in the store to get 6 sprites but in the end i picked 7 up.
I was heading to the department store to pick up some gardening supplies and my wife asked me to pick up one of those tangle free hoses.
I guess she isn’t into the kinky stuff.
The store had a TV on sale super cheap, but the volume was stuck all the way up.
I saw a sign in the store that said "pants up to 50% off" so I ran right in and everyone had their pants on.
When I was in the vegetable section at the grocery store, a girl came up to me and asked if she saw me at the vegetarian club..
..but I don't think I've ever seen herbivore.
Why did the robber choose not to hold up a clothing store?
He thought there would be too many causal T's.
Our store was closing and the plants were all lined up inside because of the big storm. We’re walking through the racks of plants and pick some flowers up. I ask my coworker,
“So, got any good mum jokes?”
I asked the gentleman at the UPS store what his record was. He gave me a blank stare.
It seemed a reasonable question, him being a professional boxer and all.
Yesterday, as I brought in the dogs from a potty break in our Minnesota backyard before we went to the grocery store, my wife asked me to reminder her to pick up some frozen peas. I told her..
..."The backyard is full of them, we don't need any more!"
My mother asked me to pick up chocolate coins for the kids on the way to her Hanukkah party. When the store on my route didn't have any and I showed up with regular chocolate, she started crying and begged me to go back out to a different store.
I yelled, "No mom! I'm so sick of your gelt trips!"
Told my wife to pick up bread at the store
Just in case things go a-rye
She sighed pretty loudly :p
I was at the grocery store with my girl friend and picked up a cantaloupe
Looked right at her and said, babe, how many times do I have to tell you? We cantaloupe!
I once bought a sweater that was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store.
They gave me another one free of charge.
A sweater I bought was picking up so much static electricity that I had to return it to the store.
They have me another one, free of charge.
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, "Is this good for wasps?"
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, "Is this good for wasps?"
The sweater I bought recently kept picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store
They gave me another one, free of charge
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, “Is this good for wasps?”
He said, “No, it kills them.”
The sweater I got for Christmas was picking up static electricity. So I went to the store to return it.
They gave me another one. Free of charge.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store.
They gave me another one, free of charge.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store.
They gave me another one free of charge.
The sweater I got last Christmas kept picking up static electricity, so I took it back to the store and exchanged it for another one…
The sweater I bought from the store was picking up static electricity, so I went back to change it.
They gave me another one, free of charge.
My wife bought me a sweater that was picking up static electricity, so I went to the store to change it.
They replaced it with a new one, free of charge.
I went to the store to pick up 6 cans of Sprite.
It was only when I got home I realized I picked 7 up.
The sweater my kids gave me last Christmas kept picking up static electricity, so I took it back to the store and exchanged it for another one…
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
