I've been using my new U2 navigation system this week and it's the worst...
The streets have no name and I still haven't found what I'm looking for!
π︎ 60
π
︎ Jan 17 2021
How does the solar system keep it's pants from falling down?
π︎ 23
π
︎ Feb 18 2021
Which digital payment system does the pope use?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 26 2021
What is The metric systemβs favorite bug?
A centipede. Iβm a dad, can confirm
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jan 28 2021
I accidentally turned a wrong valve in the factory which disabled the central cooling system and increased the temperature abruptly. I wasn't able to do anything, so I fled the scene immediately.
The police are now charging me for a 'Heat and Run' incident.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 01 2020
My anatomy class is currently covering the skeletal system and my professor is being unreasonable with the amount of material we need to know so I made an office hour appointment to speak with him.
You can bet your ass I have a bone to pick with him.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jul 27 2020
How does the solar system throw a party?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Sep 03 2020
My anatomy class is covering the nervous system and I don't get any of this stuff.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jul 27 2020
My neighbour was a selling a speaker system for just $1. When I asked him why it was so cheap he told me that you cant adjust the sound, the volume is stuck at the loudest setting.
I said "Wow, I cant turn that down"
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 02 2020
Why does the metric system make so many friends with women?
It always wants to meter.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Aug 05 2020
My wife told me we didnβt need the surround system for our living room I bought...
I told her it was a Sound Investment.
π︎ 14
π
︎ May 09 2020
Americans don't like the metric system because most of them have a foot fetish.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Apr 20 2020
If I had to rate the Solar System
π︎ 76
π
︎ Feb 14 2020
The Roman army never fell. They instead moved to the nearest star system.
They became the Alpha Centurions.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jun 24 2020
The American healthcare system is UnBEARable
π︎ 27
π
︎ Feb 20 2020
Sorry if this breaks the rules but, please cheer up my dad! He's a punctuation expert who is recovering from surgery. He just had half of his lower digestive system removed. It would really cheer him up if you could comment with his favorite punctuation mark:
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Apr 25 2017
I want to build a model of the solar system.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Feb 04 2020
The solar system wouldnβt do well on Yelp
π︎ 29
π
︎ Feb 19 2020
My dad just made a joke about the solar system
I guess it was more of a son joke though
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 21 2020
What is a spacecraft chock-full of microbes sent to populate the nearest planetary system?
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 03 2020
Scientists found that the nervous system doesn't actually exist.
It's just a lack of the confidence system.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Apr 12 2020
My sinkβs disposal system is called the insinkerator
π︎ 13
π
︎ Oct 26 2019
Why havenβt the aliens visited our solar system yet?
Bad reviews... only 1 star.
π︎ 195
π
︎ Jun 29 2019
The nervous system
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 06 2020
My friends always ask how I concocted my perfect chili recipe. I tell them: same way OJ beat the system...
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 18 2020
Why do all nerd prefer the metric system?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 05 2020
I'm in favor of the US converting to the metric system
You could say I'm a pro-grammer.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 21 2019
I heard they sent a beer into space, destined to leave the solar system...
π︎ 9
π
︎ Dec 04 2019
Why can't many people move to the metric system?
They are suffering from the agony of de feet.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Oct 29 2019
What happened to the kid who got sucked into the ventilation system?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Nov 04 2019
I've been having the most difficult time figuring out what audio system to put in my car.
I hate making decisions based on stereotypes.
π︎ 107
π
︎ Nov 26 2018
My dad (grandpa): I'm having the solar guy come over today, we're going to redo the whole system.
Me (dad): You're going to redo the whole solar system?
My dad: Yeah, we're gonna put in a new transformer and replace some cable and add some panels.
Me: But where are you gonna put Jupiter?
My son: Daaaaaad!
π︎ 8
π
︎ Oct 23 2019
I called my boss to tell her I couldnβt get the security system to arm as I locked up the office tonight
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 13 2019
Did you hear about the sprinkler system malfunction at the library?
There wasnβt a dry βiβ in the house
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 24 2019
Adopting the metric system would help make US neighborhoods so much more livable
Under the current Imperial system, every three feet is a new yard
π︎ 10
π
︎ Sep 26 2019
I just love the respiratory system
It breathes new life into science class.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jun 13 2019
My neighbor installed a security system in his porch that launches intruders into the air, and I could tell he was very happy about it.
There was a spring in his step.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 24 2019
You know the US could switch to the metric system overnight?
But thereβd be mass confusion.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Apr 23 2019
What would happen if the US suddenly switched to the metric system?
There'd be mass confusion
(Inspiration: https://www.reddit.com/r/monkeyspaw/comments/cy1td0/i_wish_the_usa_would_finally_switch_to_the_metric/eypnk65?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 01 2019
My wife asked me to buy a new stereo system for the living room
It was a sound investment
π︎ 61
π
︎ Aug 09 2018
I bought a car with keyless entry system installed. I like the car very much. However,
it's missing some key features.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jul 30 2019
Why do the Americans don't like the metric system?
Because most of them have a foot fetish.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Apr 20 2020
If I had to rate the solar system
π︎ 28
π
︎ Feb 10 2020
If I had to rate the solar system...
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 28 2019
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